8 Asians

I grew up watching Bruce Lee movies and mimicking his cries. I also grew up being taunted as Bruce Lee by bullies who mimicked his cries. (”Hwah! Hwah! Hwaaah!”)

This turned into a love-hate relationship with The Master. I secretly coveted his moves, but hated his fame.

So when I heard about the Heng Xing Ying Shi Kung Fu Acting School in Beijing, I said, “What the hell?” Then I closed my eyes and a thought bubble appeared above my head, with me starring in a movie where I kicked all those bullies’ asses.

This school not only teaches kung fu, but acting as well. Or more specifically, kung-fu-acting.

“Kung Fu fighters lack acting skills, and we want to create a school where they can learn not only to fight, but also act,” explains [Master Guo Shao Heng].

Want to star (or at least be an extra) in the next Jet Li movie? Then come join eighteen other teenagers for a “rigorous three-year program of early morning and afternoon training six days a week” at Heng Xing Ying Shi, for only $1,000 a year!

Don’t expect to be the next grand master though. This school isn’t about being great at kung fu. It’s about being great at kung-fu-acting. Which makes me wonder: can you really be the next Bruce Lee from such an education? Isn’t kung-fu-acting sort of like half-assed kung fu?

The students don’t seem to care.

Li Xiang who made the Hollywood-style pilgrimage to the city lights – a 13-hour train ride from his village – because, he says, “I want to be a movie star.”

Ah. Fame. Your allure is strong. Who cares if you’re not the next Bruce Lee? At least you can be the next [Asian American stereotype sarcasm alert] evil villain in Lethal Weapon 5, right?

I really can’t criticize though. These students are coming from poor, rural families. The chance of stardom, or even just a good career, is a blessing. For that, I think Master Guo is doing an amazing thing.

Now pardon me while I close my eyes. (”Hwah! Hwah! Hwaaah!”)