Green Card Status Forces PhD Grad Into Pizza Boy

By Mike | Thursday, July 12, 2007 | 14 Comments

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Picture this: you’re born in Asia, move to the US when you’re two, graduate from a US college, then have to take a $5.50/hr off-the-books job and live in fear of deportation because you’re not a US citizen.

If you’re having trouble picturing it, Jason Coe of Hyphen Magazine does a great job painting one. He documents a day in the life of Jake*, a Taiwanese college graduate whose green card status has forced him to back-burner his dreams of a PhD in psychology in favor of pizza delivery. It’s a woeful picture, done with swatches of humor. Like:

(I think he should sign up for match.com and search for a nice U.S. citizen looking to marry a pizza delivery boy. I volunteered my younger sister, but both were lukewarm to the prospect. You’re not interested are you? Jake scored 1500+ on his SATs, so your babies would be super smart.)

Jake’s situation isn’t uncommon. I know a few people who also don’t have (and/or can’t get) a US citizenship for various reasons, yet are trying to have a life here.

Here are some snippets of Jake’s life, as seen through Jason’s paintbrush:

Legal status aside, he is American through and through. Jake only speaks English, doesn’t know where the closest 99 Ranch is to his home, and his chopstick skills are best described as funky.

You can bring up all sorts of identity issues there. Is he really a North American? Or Taiwanese? Or both? Or neither? And how did he get by without learning how to use chopsticks; didn’t his parents at least teach him that??

Jake cajoles me with tales of nearly getting fired the other week after getting lost for an hour and begging driving off before meter maids can give him a citation for parking in a red zone. To be honest, Jake is a horrible driver. He finally learned how to drive two years ago, and his sense of direction is piss poor.

… Upon arriving at the address, Jake rushes out of the car but forgets to put the car into park. He turns around and stares in horror at the car rolling backwards down the hilly street with me in the passenger seat. I quickly shift the car into park and then proceed to laugh my ass off.

Must. Bite. Tongue. So. I. Don’t. Make. Obvious. Asian. Driver. Joke. Here…

He returns to the car, minutes later, with a two dollar tip. “Not bad,” he says. If everyone is this generous, he could make up to 8 dollars-an-hour tonight.

This pizza shop is in Los Angeles. California’s legal minimum wage is currently $7.50. Jake has to settle for $5.50 – $8.00/hr because of his status. There’s not much he can do about that. The alternative is deportation.

To get the rest, you’ll have to read the rest of Jason’s article. And hey, if you’re single, have a US citizenship, and want some super smart babies, I know this pizza delivery boy… He may not be able to drive, but he’s a hard worker!

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Claire

Thanks for this post, Mike. It’s very close to home since I was in a similar situation…thus the “dropping out of college” part of my profile.
http://mikelee.org/ Mike

Ooo, someone should do a “day in the life of Claire”!
http://www.popcast88.com Christine

Um … is becoming a Canadian instead an option? – Government funded healthcare!
http://turkeydinner.net Jesse!

Recently (well maybe it was 2000), this immigration law lapsed under the mighty Bush admin that would have allowed Jake the out of marriage to an American (US) citizen. I believe now it is horribly more complex.

Now, Jake would have to somehow sneak back to Taiwan without getting caught. If he’s caught, then that pretty much screws his chances of becoming an American citizen, like 4 eva. Let’s say he makes it.

Hilarity ensues about a Taiwanese born, yet foreign man driving erratically around Taipei (still) delivering pizzas, fumbling chopsticks and the local language. (This fall on FOX!)

Then he applies for what our illustrious government calls a “fiance VISA” and lists his match.com lover he had to leave to sneak back to Taiwan. The gov’ment takes her sweet time. But eventually calls for photographs, love-letters and the like to “prove” they are really in love and plan on getting married. The part about him being educated and able to contribute to American society should be easy…

If some disgruntled bureaucrat feels touched by the love notes, they may grant the VISA… eventually…

USA! USA!
http://mikelee.org/ Mike

Wow… this could totally be made into a movie, couldn’t it?
Akrypti

No law governs perfectly. That’s the gravest flaw of any legal system.

Let’s look at the alternative here, though. Suppose there was no immigration restrictions at all. Taiwanese Pizza Boy would be allowed to stay in this country legitimately, but he’d still be a pizza boy because there’d be an uncontrollable influx of human resources and we’d be facing the same employment and class division issues China currently faces.

We balance the costs and benefits of promulgating our laws, then enforce them and cross our fingers hoping for the best. We also implement some semblance of due process and between that and the overwhelming support from the “haves” in our private sector, we help out those like SAMPDB.
courageous kiwi

Ms. Akrypti’s obvious disdain for Taiwanese boys aside, she forgets to point out the sheer fallacy in her statement: that her scenario is the ONLY alternative to the current situation.

The truth is that a merit based system for allowing immigration into the United States would be incredibly beneficial for our “creativity economy.” Good employees are hard to find; Asia is no exception to this rule.