She keeps her figure slim and clothed in designer labels. Her well-manicured fingernails tap gingerly on her crossed arms as you try in vain to impress her with your wit. You do everything you can to make her feel pampered and special, but she’s seen all this before, a dozen times over. Unless her aloof grace and ice queenish demeanor is her way of expressing interest, you’ve lost the game. All hail the Asian Princess, the bane of an Asian man’s existence.
That, at least, has always been my imagination of the Asian Princess. Yet I’ve heard the term applied in so many dissimilar contexts that I really don’t have a handle on what, exactly, defines an Asian Princess. And that is what this post will document: my search for a comprehensive definition of the Asian Princess.
To confirm whether my preconceived notions comply with mainstream stereotypes, I consulted one of the most reliable references on the web today, Urban Dictionary:
“An [sic] spoiled Asian girl whos [sic] parents supply her with loads of money. She has multiple designer purses and nice clothes. She may have a purse dog to carry around as well. She thinks everyone is inferior to her and is superficial.”
It’s safe to bet the author of that definition is an Asian male (an Asian male who doesn’t have what it takes to get with a girl described above). Only Asian men use the term “Asian Princess” pejoratively. Replace “multiple designer purses” with “library of first edition books,” “nice clothes” with “nice instruments,” and “purse dog” with “cat” and I fit the description too, at least according to my (Asian) exes. That would make sense, since the Asian guys I date inevitably storm off with their hands up in the air, bellowing “You’re such an Asian Princess, it’s unbearable! Where did you get such an obstinate sense of entitlement?”
See, now that’s the heart of the Asian male’s definition of an “Asian Princess”: entitlement issues. Basically any woman of Asian descent who they believe have entitlement issues fits their definition. The term denotes a type of woman all the Asian men want but don’t have the manhood to handle.
Non-Asian men, on the other hand, in particular the ones with Asian fetishes, hold an entirely separate paradigm for the “Asian Princess.” These men believe they sing the highest praises to an Asian woman when they call her this. Note some of the dating ads posted by non-Asian men:
1. This guy (evidently non-Asian) on craigslist is looking for “an Asian princess,” or a small-framed Asian girl, between the ages 18 and 35 who has “GOOD personal hygiene.”
2. Here’s a Caucasian fellow on Chinesefriendfinder who is “seeking [his] Asian princess” (see his tagline).
3. Click here and scroll down to ken, a 45-year-old male from Wheaton, Illinois. He, too, is “seeking [his] Asian princess,” this time at SingaporeLoveLinks.
4. This Skinhead-Lookalike, Ph.D. at IndonesianCupid seeks his “empress,” letting us know that the “throne is easy to fill.” Yah, no duh. There’s a lot of Asian women out there in the world. You could get off on any one of them.
The same term used by a man of a different race suddenly takes on an entirely different meaning. While “Asian Princess” to an Asian male is a self-assured woman who knows what she wants (and everything she wants happens to be high end), “Asian Princess” to a non-Asian male is a f*ckable Oriental doormat.
Perhaps the better approach here would be to find out how Asian women define the “Asian Princess.” I tried to get a sense of it by viewing the websites of Asian American women who proudly declare on the world wide web that they are “Asian Princesses.” What a diverse range of women-types. See:
1. Gennifer M. Hirano, Asian Princess. I understand she’s gained a cult following online. She characterizes herself as “the art of subversive empowerment.” Ms. Hirano portrays an alternative representation of Asian female sexuality for consumption by white men. She acknowledges that most of her carnal engagements have been with white men, which puts her under the non-Asian man’s definition of Asian Princess more fittingly than it does under the Asian man’s definition. Still, she hardly represents an Oriental doormat, thus diverging from both aforementioned definitions.
2. Here is a very young “Asian Princess,” who testifies: “I’m from Asia. I study in high school. I enjoy watching cartoons, sports, comedy shows, etc. I like music and can sing too. And I like watching movies of all sorts (except horror, they freak me out).” Hum. She sounds like a normal teenage girl. No talk of Prada bags and Gucci, nothing about me-love-you-long time…hence I wonder what the significance to her is of choosing the alias “Asian-Princess.” She’s the quintessential Everygirl, and yet she is by her own words an “Asian Princess.”
3. This 29-year-old woman who lists the Philippines as her hometown also adopts “Asian Princess” into her alias. She is, as her page lets you know, “the b*tch you all love to have.” Ok, beginning to move in the direction of the Asian man’s definition. Then, in one of her profile pictures, she’s in her underwear. (Really cute powder blue underwear, btw.) This Asian Princess is married to a white man who appears many, many years older than her. Ok, moving away from the Asian man’s definition and plunging head first into the non-Asian man’s model. I so confused.
4. Another teenager, this one of Khmer descent, also calls herself an “Asian Princess.” In her biographical section, she writes: “aNk MuaH…iN maI life…JusS BeIng meH!!” Frankly, I don’t know what that means so we’ll leave it at that, no comment. If it helps the reader of this post to gain more insight into her character, she also says: “Hey waSSup peepoZ dis Bee sHanice Nd datz meh!!! WuNna Noe bouT meh jUsS aim Meh….JUSS tew tell ya ank muaCkh bout meh juss a single guh livin in dat Blo0od world.” I’ll stop now, since she’s only 17. I wasn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed at 17, either.
Who is the Asian Princess? She is any Asian woman an Asian man can’t handle and she’s any Asian woman a non-Asian man wants to bed and she is any Asian woman who in some way wants herself distinguished from other Asian women, ergo the self-designated title of royalty.
And that definition, my friends, could be applied to any proletarian Asian woman at all.
What Asian woman can any Asian man handle unless he beats her physically and emotionally to appease his own insecurity? That’s right. Make her feel worthless so she never realizes she’s in fact priceless. What Asian woman is not chased after by creepy, older, inassimilable white men whose only prospects of marriage are mail order brides from Asia? Pathetic white men who can’t earn the time of day from women of their own race, so they go for Asian women, who are more than willing to be conquered because they think white is better. And finally, when we can all at some level realize how piteous most Asian women are today, willing themselves to subjugation by Asian men or subjugation by white men, pick your poison, what woman wouldn’t want to distinguish herself from these other Asian women?
Oh yeah. All hail the Asian Princess. She is the broken woman conceptually raped by all men, imperialized, bullied, and lashed at, the Asian man’s scapegoat for all things wrong in his world and the non-Asian man’s sexual Plan B.
And finally, I love how my profile picture on here shows me with a dumbstruck smile on my face. It’s incompatibility with this post-that-degenerated-into-a-rant is like irony gold.
What next?
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21 Comments to “Who Is the Asian Princess?”
Kevin Cheng wrote:
Hm. Interesting. I find your ideas intriguing and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Posted on 09-Oct-07 at 3:45 pm | Permalink
Mike wrote:
@Kevin: We don’t have a newsletter, but you can subscribe to 8Asian’s RSS feed of course.
Posted on 09-Oct-07 at 4:48 pm | Permalink
Ratrace wrote:
What Asian woman can any Asian man handle unless he beats her physically and emotionally to appease his own insecurity?
You’re completely full of shit. I treat my Asian woman with respect and she responds accordingly.
Can’t wait to see what other white, racist propaganda you’re going to try to spit out as some cutting edge “deep” thought. Pathetic. Better yet, Tila Tequila has a new show out. Stick to what you know.
Posted on 09-Oct-07 at 5:51 pm | Permalink
Chook wrote:
I grew up around white people and all of my dating experience has been with non – East Asian women, so I never came into contact with the “Asian Princess” character you speak of. This is something of a “shotgun” rant – you’ve rolled several grievances into one and fired off a volley that will hit many targets at once. Good tactic – let everyone know that they’re assholes!
As I said, I grew up around white people and whilst I experienced my fair share of ignorance and racist stupidity, I never developed a sense that I was inferior or less masculine than anybody. I actually learned about these supposed characteristics from other Asians. That’s just sad – how is it that Asians who are obviously part of an Asian community can develop such self-denigrating self images, whilst I as the only East Asian in my town developed a belief that Asians are a cultured race worthy of dignity and respect? What is the Asian community doing wrong?
I think that the main gist of your rant/post is that Asian women lack the consciousness to overcome living their lives based upon stereotypical attitudes from within and outside of their own communities. The road to any emancipation has to begin with an internal struggle – a questioning of ; one’s place (expected or otherwise) in society; the historical circumstances that brought one to a particular point in life; challenging the “truths” of the society or community you’re from and so on and so forth. Most importantly, an individual must develop a vision for themselves and their community – how does one see the future of society and one’s place in it. Unfortunately, the Asian community seems to lack this vision, is this why there is so much self-denigration and mutual distrust?
Posted on 09-Oct-07 at 10:16 pm | Permalink
Bertie wrote:
As I said, I grew up around white people and whilst I experienced my fair share of ignorance and racist stupidity, I never developed a sense that I was inferior or less masculine than anybody. I actually learned about these supposed characteristics from other Asians.
BINGO!
(Oh, and princesses and divas exist in all cultures. Avoid.)
Posted on 10-Oct-07 at 6:17 am | Permalink
Philipp wrote:
> Pathetic white men who can’t earn the time of
> day from women of their own race, so they go
> for Asian women, who are more than willing to
> be conquered because they think white is better.
Sheesh, is *that* what you think when you meet a cross-ethnic couple in love on the streets?
Posted on 11-Oct-07 at 12:13 pm | Permalink
Asian Prince wrote:
The Asian princess is the girl who lives beyond her own means. The one who goes to daddy or mommy when they can’t do it themselves. The one who shuns money when they’ve always had it. These are the girls who have never felt the real weight of shouldering costs.
The career Asian women are out there, but those aren’t the ones writing these posts. They are the women of action, not words. They don’t seek to persuade with cherry picked evidence, they seek to prove with actual achievement. I think it’s too easy to cast stones behind castle walls (especially the ones daddy paid for).
I believe you commit the same mistake as your opponents. Several asian males try to make women feel inferior and irrational. Your post seeks to do the same thing to asian males. The common denominator between these two groups is this– both are looking for love, and can’t find it. It results in caustic entries that denounce the XY phenotype, while secretly hoping that some grand exception will appear and prove all this wrong.
Did I mention that I’m an asian prince?
Posted on 13-Oct-07 at 11:27 am | Permalink
Ken wrote:
Philipp, do us all a favor and stfu about the whole “colorblind” angle.
Posted on 15-Oct-07 at 7:37 am | Permalink
Philipp wrote:
> Philipp, do us all a favor and stfu
> about the whole “colorblind” angle.
Ken, and your argument, reason or rational discussion is where? Or are you merely calling names, trying to silence others by bullying them, and trolling for attention?
Posted on 18-Oct-07 at 6:44 am | Permalink
Philipp wrote:
PS: The assumption that “dating out of your race” is for some reasons shameful, or done only because you can’t date “in your race, where you naturally belong”, is, by and large, plain old racism. It was even used by Nazi propaganda in children books to shame Jewish men dating Aryan girls. There’s nothing revolutionary about it. It happens to me on the street by people far less conscious about race than one would assume the bloggers here to be. If I would have to pick a location to move to than indeed I’d hope to go to a place where people are more colorblind than that. Not completely colorblind, but a little more so that when walking the streets you don’t have to wonder if people think these thoughts as expressed here all the time.
Posted on 18-Oct-07 at 6:50 am | Permalink
Ken wrote:
Well, I’m glad it took 10 posts to evoke Godwin’s Law.
My post was merely to point out that I know exactly where your argument is going to end up. It’s been done countless times and it always leads to the idea of being “colorblind” when it comes to love. As much as it sounds good to be colorblind, it simply doesn’t work.
Add on the fact that it’s extremely offensive for white people to randomly troll around minority communities and state as a matter of fact that race isn’t an issue ranging from topics such as workforce employment to interracial dating.
The fact of the matter is that it *is* an issue and it’ll only get bigger. If you look at the history of Asian America, this has been a very divisive topic and those that claim otherwise are simply trying to skirt around the problem. This is also why I believe the Asian American community hasn’t made any real progress other than through the growth of population size. It loves to bury it’s head in the sand. In fact, I don’t even believe Asian Americans have a “community.” The only community Asian Americans have is if there is a large group of them living in an area. We, as Asian Americans, have almost no sense of community duty or civic responsibility.
Since you’re so wise and up to speed on the sociology issues of Asian America, let’s start you off slow and have you address the following regarding your topic and why it’s so divisive.
1.) In a recent poll conducted by Columbia University, it has been noted that women of all ethnicities are tolerant of interracial dating. However, white, black, and Hispanic prefer men from their own race. The only exception are Asian women. In fact, white men can actually be less qualified in terms of education and net worth than an Asian man. One would think that having the same racial background would be an advantage but it’s actually a hindrance.
2.) The lopsided ratio has lead to anger and mistrust. Personal story in that I know several Asian women in the Houston area complaining that all the great Asian men were taken by white women. Upon hearing this, other Asian men started jeering and mocking, almost in orgasmic joy, at these Asian women. This, in turn, angers Asian women as they feel they’re targeted simply for being Asian women.
3.) Due to the fact that Asian men are severely emasculated by North American media, Asian women who date and marry white men are promoting the sexualized image. In essence, stating to society that white men were right. After all, with such a huge out flux of Asian women to white men, that means something must be wrong with Asian men. Therefore, while Asian women believe they can stand up for Asian men while dating white men, it’s simply impossible from a social point of view. This point was actually brought up by an Asian American woman. It’s important to point out that it’s not the same had the roles been reversed. Asian men who date out put on a display that they can compete along the same lines despite what the white North American patriarchy states.. Hey, life isn’t fair and it never will be.
4.) There is no such thing as colorblind (in fact, it’s a long-running Stephen Colbert gag for just that reason). It is not a racist stance to see color, but a fact of life. Ignoring it promotes ignorance. I don’t actually think you know what racism actually entails. What you are describing is prejudice or “preference,” not racism. Racism is if one believes that one race is superior to another.
Posted on 18-Oct-07 at 6:35 pm | Permalink
akrypti wrote:
Wow, Ken. I usually don’t like posting comments that have no other purpose but to say “wow,” but yeah.. wow. Very solid response. Wow. I wonder what there is to say to counter you…
Jolly good show!
Posted on 18-Oct-07 at 9:53 pm | Permalink
Chook wrote:
“..white, black, hispanic (women) prefer men from their own race. The only exception are Asian women.”
Could the reason be that mainstream white culture doesn’t place many negative connotations on a white man dating an Asian women? It’s glamourized and romanticized with an implication that white men are doing Asian women a favour by helping them “escape” from mean Asian men. You see many more Asian females represented in the media in a positive light than you find of Asian men. In other words there doesn’t seem to be the same degree of obstacle that a black woman might face if she married white. By contrast AF/WM unions seem to be welcomed by white society.
The “problem” that this acceptance creates is that these unions are sometimes presented as evidence of a general acceptance of Asian people or culture, which I don’t believe they are.
Posted on 19-Oct-07 at 2:23 am | Permalink
Hannah wrote:
I FUCKING LOVE YOU. I… jesus. I had goosebumps, literally, the whole entire time. Reading that was like a burst of fresh air into an otherwise claustrophobic isolation chamber (the sad lack of visibility and TRUTH regarding Asian-American women’s issues). Thank you for writing this. Thank you for not getting lost in PC-ridiculousness like so many other writers. Thank you thank you THANK YOU.
I don’t know what else to say. I’m just beginning to realize my “Asian-ness” as I grew up around solely non-Asians and in “assimilated” environments. I’m in college now… and just looking around… I see so many gross stereotypes that society hold toward Asian women. how they are ENDLESS fetishized, fetishized, fetishized… by Asian men, non-Asian men, blacks, whites, hispanics, etc. etc. etc. The frustration and sheer disgust I experience from this is exacerbated by the fact that I AM A BROKE TOMBOY. I’m neither middle class nor feminine. My idea of a fun night is watching political documentaries in sweatpants, I dress like an auto-mechanic, I’ve been financially independent since the age of 17, I curse like a sailor, pure nerdcore, and I have a loud-ass mouth that’s been known to go off at ignorant people. nothing about me is petite or “cute”.. but because I am small and an asian female with typical east-asian females… “cartoony” features… PEOPLE TREAT ME LIKE A SECOND CLASS CITIZEN. Guys either hit on me using the whole creepy “me like you because you seem easy to dominate” and society in general tends to dismiss us as cute little marginal nothings.
FUCK THIS SOCIETY. It’s time for a change. More *strong* and *intelligent* Asian women in the forefront of media/society NOW. More exposure, less stereotpes. I don’t have the good fortune of being around any Asian people/role models in my life right now, but this article gave me a lot of hope. If a smart, funny, acerbically witty and unapologically opinionated person like you exists, then there’s more of us out there. I feel like my load has been lightened considerably… I’m not the only one fighting this cultural battle. lol.
Posted on 28-Oct-07 at 9:27 pm | Permalink
Ernie wrote:
Interesting topic. I guess everyone has a slightly different view point and therefore opinion. Here goes mine. I’ve dated girls of all races (minus 1) when I was younger. White, black, hispanic…even non-Americans, Dutch, Hungarian, Brit, Czech. I was married to a Norwegian gal at one time and followed that with a black girlfriend. So I’ve done the whole spectrum so to speak…EXCEPT Asian females (hence the minus 1 above). I mean when I was younger, they were the only group that “rejected” me. At first I thought it was me, but heck the non-Asian girls I’ve been with were of a pretty high standard, so it couldn’t have been me. I’ve never had a problem meeting non-Asian women as they tend to find me quite interesting. However, when it comes to Asian women in this country, I can’t seem figure it out. But here is my theory.
I believe that Asian-American females so desparately want to fit in and live the “all-american” lifestyle, that white-picket fence, suburban existence, mom, apple pie, SUV’s, etc. etc. that they want to end up with a white male to accomplish this goal. It provides not only security and stability, but also an identity. I remember sitting at a cafe once and a group of 6-7 Asian-American mothers came in with their kids. All the kids were mixed, which meant that they all had white fathers. It was kind of funny to watch though. These mothers going about like typical American soccer moms. And then some of the dads strolled in. Wow, were they “frumpy” to say the least. For these Asian women to pick “frumpy” white guys over cultured well-educated Asian guys means that she is looking for something that is beyond the usual dating “resume”. And that is the “American” lifestyle that the while guy provides for them.
Needless to say, I’ve given up on Asian women quite a while ago. It dawned on me that no matter how great and ideal an Asian guy can be, he’ll get nowhere with these Asian women because he’s…..well Asian. So why bother with them then when there are so many other races that are dateable.
Posted on 05-Nov-07 at 1:44 am | Permalink
Jake wrote:
I have several Caucasion buddies that are average at best who have admitted to chasing after Asian girls because they can get a “hotter” Asian girl than a girl of their own race. So their logic is why go for an average white girl when you can easily get an above-average Asian girl? This actually makes a lot of sense from their perspective and you can’t really knock them for going that route. What I wonder about though is why would so many Asian girls settle for guys that attractive women of their own race would otherwise take a pass on? I also asked an attractive Caucasion female friend of mine about this once, and she also noted that lots of Caucasion guys she sees with Asian girls are what she would call “rejects”.
Do Asian girls have such bad taste?
Posted on 05-Nov-07 at 7:35 pm | Permalink
Ernie wrote:
No, I don’t think it’s a matter of taste, but a matter of plugging holes in their own insecurities. I remember once at a party that was multi-racial and I was mingling/flirting with all kinds of girls there and then I met this Asian chick that said something along the lines that the only “cute” guys at the party were a few white guys at the bar. Wow, I couldn’t believe she said this right in my face. The thing is that she wasn’t even that cute so I suspected that by making known that she just goes for white guys, it helped bolster her own self-esteem (by implying that she’s too “good” for an Asian guy). Well, after she said it, she realized how silly the comment sounded, so she back-tracked a bit and apologized to me that she didn’t mean to offend me. Well I wasn’t about to let her off the hook so easily so I told her that I didn’t date Asian women anyway so she wasn’t going to get a free drink from me and that I had quite a few white friends with “Asian fetishes” that I could hook her up with. Boy that really annoyed her, but the way I see it, she DESERVED that response. I knew right there and then that she’d end up with some “frumpy” white guy. Typical.
Posted on 06-Nov-07 at 2:25 pm | Permalink
Jake wrote:
Funny story Earnie, and good response. I ‘d probably would have said something like “You know, having an average white boy friend won’t improve your self-image”. I’ve met Asian women like this as well and although they have the right to date who they want, the fact that they JUST want to date a white guy is disturbing. I mean, I’ve done on-line dating before and all other women will always include a guy of the same ethnicity as a possible date and then expand from there to include other races. But with Asian females, there is an alarming number of them that write that they JUST want to date someone white. That’s it. I wouldn’t be as annoyed if they said they also could date black, hispanic, indian and other types, but no, they specifically just want to date someone white. It’s becoming a cliche now.
Posted on 06-Nov-07 at 10:08 pm | Permalink
Ernie wrote:
I agree, it’s a bit of a cliche now. I was just at a cafe the other day and there were these two chubby middle-aged Caucasion guys that were talking about how they like to get on the Asian dating sites and “pick-up” Asian women looking for white guys. It was kind of pathetic to hear but after thinking about their “situation” a bit, it was totally understandable. I mean, here were two guys, overweight, somewhat unkempt, nothing special, who properly can’t get any Caucasion women to date them, so the only women they can date happen to be those that would date them for the one thing they have to offer…whiteness. So you really can’t knock them. But then you think about all these Asian women who would gladly welcome such guys just because their white, and well, maybe they all just deserve each other. On one side, you have all these insecure Asian females and on the other side you have all these insecure Caucasion guys. Match made in heaven.
Posted on 09-Nov-07 at 8:32 pm | Permalink
TimeOut wrote:
“She keeps her figure slim and clothed in designer labels. Her well-manicured fingernails…” That’s where I relax… Designer labels and well-manicured fingernails might mean a hot chick to screw, but probably just means an expensive ongoing tantrum. And I happen to live in a country where prostitution is legal, thank Christ, so a hot lay needn’t come with out the baggage. As for slim, not so sure about that, the only chickos I see in designer labels and manicured finger nails aren’t slim, they are skanky-assed skinny. And I don’t want skinny kids, so no thanks…
Posted on 07-Aug-08 at 3:18 am | Permalink
Anthony wrote:
I have lived in the US for 10 years now. I have had a problem with these women coming after me. I am 6', blonde, blue eyed, in good shape, articulate, a high level professional, told I am very good looking, funny and Married (to a white woman)! I have never sought out an Asian woman in my life.
I don't have anything against Asian women or any women of any race but for some reason these women have sought me out. I have had a number of them that have tried to be my “best friend.” Want to hang out with me all the time at the fitness club, at the country club, hockey rink, or what have you. I have even had them frequent my company as clients excessively in an attempt to establish a friendship with me.
I don't like to try to be rude to anyone and have been neither overly friendly or flirtatious or rude to get rid of them. BTW they were ALL married too (to white men). And these men were not the best looking usually, while all of these women were very attractive. In retrospect I would say those men could not have married a white woman half as attractive as these asian women were.
I don't even live in a city with a high Asian population (Phoenix). I probably just represent the “white bread” stereotype success story. I am not sure if they see me as “moving up the food chain” or what but they all have let me know in no uncertain terms I can have what I want with them. Its weird.
I stumbled across your article and you described most of them to a tee. Married to white men, designer this and that, German car…Mercedes or BMW. They have all told me they would only marry a white man (which I find odd, I would mary anyone of any race if I loved them). I didn't grow up in the US so I have a different perspective on things than Americans but I do represent the quintessential American s success story.
I don't pretend to know jack about any Asian culture. Its not really on my to do list either. I feel indifferent to Asian men & women in general. They are just people to me. . But I keep having these gorgeous Asian women coming after me, more so than woman of any other race. And I just didn't understand why really. Why Asian women? I guess they were the Asians you described. Princesses.
And no, I wasn't stupid enough
Your article was an eye opener.
Posted on 20-Jul-09 at 1:08 am | Permalink
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