I appreciated many of the comments of the debate from both sides. I agree very much with the original post about the pressure placed on women to maintain their virginity.

But hey have you noticed, this phenomenon and the whole thing about marrying within your race and social caste is a pretty big Inidan/Pakistani/Sub-continental thing?

you guys and gals have your arguments confused – when they talk abput Asian marrying/dating outside their race, they mainly mean East Asians, not sub-continentals.

Of course like any complicated argument in history both sides have a point – the Asian men and women. think of the Gaza strip conflict, , you get my drift?

But what we are missing here is the fundamental fact of human nature – what is theoretically right and wrong means jack-sh:t when it’s placed in the real world context.

Asian are somewhat boring because they have been raised to be ‘bookish. Asian women do have a white fetish because they are raised in a society where white men are portrayed as Adonis and Asian men are emasculated.

Okay, theory aside, here’s the reality.

They are having this same debate in China about who’s right who’s wrong yet, 30Mil girl babies ‘disappeared’ at birth – that’s the female under 35 shortage in China.

we can debate who’s right and who’s wrong in the Western world but the fact is many asian women marry/date outside their races, much more than any other race of women and Asin men doesn’t have the same participation.

The reason – has any class or race of men with wealth and class in history ever had problems finding females and has females as a collective group ever tried to marry/date teh poor, lesser social class men rather than the higher social status men?

There is little point to argue, humans are fraile animals who take ther sue frim their surrounds, the Asian men grow up bookish and the Asian women grow up with a white fetish.

The only thing that matters in history is -

who writes it!

When China, Japan, India, Korea are the super powers of the world and white guys are the waiters in all the movies and V series and real life and people of African origins are depicted as who they really are as oipposed to the ‘cool hip, gangster, sporty ‘ people they are – who do you think will get the women?????????

I say to all Asian men, we are the sacrificial lamb of a generation where interracial dating had become aceptable yet Asia is not standing onteh same platform as everyone else yet.

The other people can find all the excuses they want but the truth is, in 50 years or less, China and India will rule the world, teh box office and TV ratings and models used on commercials will be Asian or eurasisan who look more Asian anyway – who do you think will own the world?

This present phenomenon is only ephmeral – the world changes from one group of power brokers to another.

Guess what, i met some of the dudes from mainland China and India, the very people who will rule the future, they are a little raicst aginst people of dark skin and also people who have colonised them – what do you think they will dowhen they are the SUPERPOWERS???????????

In fact, I still support it but to say that I was the one who brought it up is incorrect.

Also, regarding on how Asian men rate their self worth on being attractive to women isn’t new and it’s not only related to Asian men. It’s a fact that men who know they are wanted by women greatly increases a man’s sense of self worth and confidence. It’s not only men either. Women have that feeling too. I don’t think Asian women would feel too confident with themselves either if they were constantly portrayed as undesirable. While it shouldn’t comprise all of a man’s sense of confidence but to say that it shouldn’t is just plain ignorant. There are many Asian guys I know that have met Asian women who state they strongly prefer or only date Asian men. Their confidence perks up almost instantly. However, feed it too much and Asian men will become arrogant.

My main point is that while sexism is rife in Asian society, it’s pretty much a stereotype to say that Asian men are more prone to harbor this view. Also, if you want to get what you want, you have to sweet talk your way to the counter-party. Screaming at someone to give you want you want is going to antagonize them and cause resistance. IE: If Asian women started saying that they understand why Asian men are upset at the issue and what they can do to correct their problems while also working your own concerns into the discussion, you’ll find Asian men to be much more receptive. See, the problem I see with almost all these liberal types is that they keep thinking of how things *should* work rather than how things *really* work in the real world. While admirable, it’s very unrealistic. The proper way is to slowly ease yourself into it.

Again, I have yet to see a smart Asian American woman write an article on what they’re doing incorrectly. Not once have I seen Asian American women correct their own when they write or post articles on why Asian men are “undesirable” while white men are “praised.”

I’m not even going to humor you and bring my personal life into this. If you want to pawn me off by attacking me rather than my point, that’s fine. You’ve just proven my theory correct in that Asian women always blow off this argument as the rantings of a “bitter” Asian man. Eh, I’m perfectly fine the way I am but like I said before, I’ve seen Asian men become much more accommodating to Asian women after finding out some Asian women prefer them. I’m just sick and tired of Asian Americans whining back and forth because it almost ultimately becomes a gender conflict where neither side wants to listen to the other because they’re too selfish.

Also, choosing not to date outside your race doesn’t necessarily make you racist, as you seem to insinuate, Akrypti. Nor does someone dating outside their race mean that they’re not racist. I treat my non-Asian friends just as well as my Asian friends but choosing to stick with my Asian girlfriend doesn’t mean I’m racist.

Per the comments about maternal pressure – good point. Alas, misogyny is not the sole domain of men. Matriarches in many cultures are responsible for maintaining ideas and practices that demean, terrorize and devalue women. From female infanticide to female genital mutilization – it’s amazing how normalized violence against women is in so many cultures. Even in our supposedly progressive western society, you still often see rape victims being blamed for being raped.

As I was trying to point out in my post, it is the responsibility of the next generation of Asians (hopefully more enlightened) to challenge old world notions of appropriate gender roles.

Nuff said…

From my reading, the women of the household would hold power over their sons and can hold the reigns, but they would do so to support their sons; as they see it.

In Indian cultures; this could entail subjugating their daughter-in-law, having female foetuses aborted and up to having them murdered for possessing a paltry dowry. In the Chinese, the grandparents inserting needles into their granddaughters.