I agree with that point (that you can blend in and stand out at same time). But the fact of the matter is that immigrants don’t want to stand out, even after they blend in. I disagree that effeminate men can’t blend in. It’s one thing to be quiet and soft spoken. In fact, Gackt (who isn’t gay) is very effeminate, and yet he keeps to himself and his personal life very guarded. On the other hand, you have someone like Perez Hilton that goes all out.

Again, another east vs. west culturally.

But again, you of all people if anything, represent western culture way more so than eastern. I don’t represent eastern either, but I do understand where they come from and why they do so. I’ve had long conversations with friends and family about it before and there is a lot of why people like to do so.

Unfortunately, everyone makes the topic like it’s supposed to be black and white and if you’re right, then they’re wrong… or vice versa. That’s the problem that I see, even in this discussion. There is an obvious disconnect between east vs. west, and both viewpoints are right, correct, incorrect, or whatever. In the end, it’s just that when you bring both together, it’s no wonder that people get angry since no one sits down and looks at environment from the perspective of the other side.

However, this does not mean he cannot stand out in other ways, like on the basketball court or in school or [fill in the blank].

So in not seeing that both methodologies can lead to the same result, but through different means, each side is ignorant of the other side.

That does sort of tie into the above that I wrote, but I think all in all, it’s more of a East meets West thing. Unfortunately, as children of immigrants, we get the most frustrating job of trying to make both ends meet since we’re stuck in both cultures.

The point of it being that on a generic level, immigrants still do not wish to stand out.

Sure there are exceptions to the rule, as with anything. But as I’ve said, from my observations, immigrants tend not to do so. First generations though? Different story. From what you’re telling me is that you’re first generation. If that’s the case, then you already act and are influenced by your environment (eg. Minority Enrichment workshop) that your parents did not go through. That’s the entire point of the matter.

It’s not good or bad. It’s how the world is viewed from different perspectives. On the broader spectrum though, I don’t believe the observation is incorrect.

But haven’t you also heard Asian immigrant parents say things like, the nail that sticks out gets hammered down?

Those aren’t conflicting concepts, although it may seem so at first glance.

My parents pushed me to stand out academically, but they also sent me to a workshop called “Minority Enrichment” in high school (I kid you not) in which were were taught things like how you’re supposed to set the table, the difference between a white wine glass and a red wine glass and how you’re supposed to hold them differently, how you’re supposed to dress and act at interviews, etc. The latter was intended to teach me mannerisms to emulate so that I would not stand out as a child of immigrants if I were at a boss’s cocktail party or something. However, I was expected to be #1 in an academic setting.

Heh. Actually, he’s just fine not standing out. What I find amusing here is more so the fact that people are analyzing it from their own perspectives, than stepping into the shoes of the other side. Like many in the generations before me, they just want to lead quiet lives with no one bothering them and out of the spot light.

Point being, the differences in culture drive different types of things. It’s not that my friends wants to stand out in any way, shape or form. It’s that our environment dictates how we become.

Either way, I don’t know many of my asian friends with immigrant parents that actually want to stand out.

When everybody present is uber duper similar to you, you want to stand out and distinguish yourself as much as you can.

It’s just one of those things.