Excited
If you’re reading this blog post and you’re Asian American/Canadian, there is a very good chance you are from the Bay Area, Southern California, New York City or Toronto — cities with a high density of Asians. It’s easy to forget that there are other parts of the country, and for the select amount of Asian Americans that grow up in, say, the Midwest or the Deep South, it’s a very different experience than the experience living on the coasts.
Take, for example, Patricia Pham of Joplin, Missouri who produced a short segment for Current TV talking about the difficulties she experienced with alienation, adolescent issues, and identity conflicts from both white and Asian people. As to the name of the pod, called A Pale Shade of Yellow:
I tried hard to be white, and there were people who hated me to trying to be too white. And then I tried to be yellow again and there were people who hated me for being too yellow, so I tried to be a paler shade of yellow to please everyone, and there were people who hated me for being a little too white; and so I tried to darken up a bit and there were people who hated me for that too.
So all I’m left with is something in the middle; not yellow nor white, not one thing or another. Just something halfway in-between.
It’s the teenagers dilemma and a sociologists wet dream and troll fodder for the usage of the phrase “trying to be white” — but when you’re growing up as a teenager in Joplin, Missouri, you don’t necessarily care whether you’re too white or too Asian; you basically want to be accepted. And that’s what hit me like a ton of bricks about this video.
How does this post make you feel?
- Fascinated
- Amused
- Bored
- Sad
- Angry
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wow. this definitely resonated with me. i grew up in Iowa City, IA where there is a small asian community, mainly chinese and korean. but all through my schooling i was one of few chinese kids in the entire school. i went through a period of time when i wished i was white like everyone else; i wanted to fit in. i also went through a phase where i wanted to be yellow too; defy everything "white" to prove to people that i wasn't whitewashed and whatnot. thanks for posting the video; we can't forget the asian americans in areas with small asian communities!
wow. this definitely resonated with me. i grew up in Iowa City, IA where there is a small asian community, mainly chinese and korean. but all through my schooling i was one of few chinese kids in the entire school. i went through a period of time when i wished i was white like everyone else; i wanted to fit in. i also went through a phase where i wanted to be yellow too; defy everything "white" to prove to people that i wasn't whitewashed and whatnot. thanks for posting the video; we can't forget the asian americans in areas with small asian communities!
Sociologist's wet dream indeed.
I can relate to her being negatively perceived as being "too white" or "too yellow" and find it interesting that she's trying to be a "pale shade of yellow". I think all too often we get caught up with binary identities, and so we grow frustrated when we don't fit the norm of either one. But 1+1 does not necessarily equal to 2 (Bhabha anyone?). If anything, her absorbing qualities, traits, ideologies, etc. from both sides of the fence shouldn't mean she's "white-washed" or "too Asian" - rather, she and the rest of us have to acknowledge that the culmination of her experiences that's pushed her to the boundaries of identity is the place in which a new interstitial identity is produced. She shouldn't be judged as aligning herself to one preexisting/established identity, when in fact she's just part of a new group of hybridized individuals...
...but that's all too easy to say - we often think in binaries and often judge and perceive based on preexisting/established identities and labels, and we often try to preserve the pre-existing, when at the same time we're trying to fight it and fend it off in defense of emerging identities that don't fit the mold of the old. It's difficult to negotiate and emerge beyond binaries and understand and accept your own identity when it feels like the whole world is thinking otherwise.
Sociologist's wet dream indeed.
I can relate to her being negatively perceived as being "too white" or "too yellow" and find it interesting that she's trying to be a "pale shade of yellow". I think all too often we get caught up with binary identities, and so we grow frustrated when we don't fit the norm of either one. But 1+1 does not necessarily equal to 2 (Bhabha anyone?). If anything, her absorbing qualities, traits, ideologies, etc. from both sides of the fence shouldn't mean she's "white-washed" or "too Asian" - rather, she and the rest of us have to acknowledge that the culmination of her experiences that's pushed her to the boundaries of identity is the place in which a new interstitial identity is produced. She shouldn't be judged as aligning herself to one preexisting/established identity, when in fact she's just part of a new group of hybridized individuals...
...but that's all too easy to say - we often think in binaries and often judge and perceive based on preexisting/established identities and labels, and we often try to preserve the pre-existing, when at the same time we're trying to fight it and fend it off in defense of emerging identities that don't fit the mold of the old. It's difficult to negotiate and emerge beyond binaries and understand and accept your own identity when it feels like the whole world is thinking otherwise.
I'm from N.C.
There's a substantial Asian population in the Research Triangle area, and a comparatively large Southeast Asian population in my city. However, I was adopted, so growing up in the South has somewhat stunted my identity.
It's weird to know that the mother I never knew was part of a wave of Vietnamese immigrants that came here for very politicized reasons. Everyone reads about historical trends in textbooks, but I don't feel personally impacted by my people's struggle. I understand, of course, the very real ramifications of prejudice in American society. But I don't understand, at least on an intimate level, what my birth parents endured to get me here.
I really want to be involved in the community, however, and I feel that getting out of the South is probably my likeliest avenue for syncing up with the rest of the Asian American community.
I'm from N.C.
There's a substantial Asian population in the Research Triangle area, and a comparatively large Southeast Asian population in my city. However, I was adopted, so growing up in the South has somewhat stunted my identity.
It's weird to know that the mother I never knew was part of a wave of Vietnamese immigrants that came here for very politicized reasons. Everyone reads about historical trends in textbooks, but I don't feel personally impacted by my people's struggle. I understand, of course, the very real ramifications of prejudice in American society. But I don't understand, at least on an intimate level, what my birth parents endured to get me here.
I really want to be involved in the community, however, and I feel that getting out of the South is probably my likeliest avenue for syncing up with the rest of the Asian American community.
I grew up in the suburbs of Philadelphia-- my area was very strongly Irish-Italian, and I was made very aware early on that I was an outsider. I went to Japanese school on the weekends, and my sister and I were one of a very small number of kids whom Japanese was not our first language-- this school had mostly kids who were here temporarily before going back to Japan. So I felt like I didn't belong there, either. It wasn't until very recently when I discovered there was a Japanese-American community, that has had experiences similar to mine.
Thanks for posting this, Ernie, and thanks to those who posted for relating your experiences. I'm glad to see we're not alone.
I grew up in the suburbs of Philadelphia-- my area was very strongly Irish-Italian, and I was made very aware early on that I was an outsider. I went to Japanese school on the weekends, and my sister and I were one of a very small number of kids whom Japanese was not our first language-- this school had mostly kids who were here temporarily before going back to Japan. So I felt like I didn't belong there, either. It wasn't until very recently when I discovered there was a Japanese-American community, that has had experiences similar to mine.
Thanks for posting this, Ernie, and thanks to those who posted for relating your experiences. I'm glad to see we're not alone.
Since everyone is on the I'm relate bandwagon, I grew up and went to college not far from Patricia. (Springfield, M.O.) I graduated 2 years ago and now live in Southern California, where it's literally a sea of Asians/Asian-Americans.
It's a bit complicated in my case to explain, cause I had many bad experiences not just with the identity crisis part but also relating-interacting with other Asian Americans in the area and from the Coasts. At times, I not only get frustrated with those around me, but also some Asian-Americans who come here from the Urban areas who really appear more "stereotypically white-washed" than the ones who didn't grew up in the ethnic enclaves.
Sometimes, the main things that kept me sane throughout the years was family, studying and personal spirituality (not organized religion). Of course, everyone's life journey is a tad bit different, but I think a good piece of advice is to find and developed your source of confidence and accepting reality. For me, my personal source of strength was sound knowledge, from the books, from people, etc. The more I knew, the more confident I was in facing myself, facing others,facing obstacles etc. For others, the sources of confidence could be friends, religion, productive activities, etc. Accepting reality is quite necessary to move forward and to just live (or breathe). It's not easy but sentimentally speaking, very very very few things in life are guranteed.
Since everyone is on the I'm relate bandwagon, I grew up and went to college not far from Patricia. (Springfield, M.O.) I graduated 2 years ago and now live in Southern California, where it's literally a sea of Asians/Asian-Americans.
It's a bit complicated in my case to explain, cause I had many bad experiences not just with the identity crisis part but also relating-interacting with other Asian Americans in the area and from the Coasts. At times, I not only get frustrated with those around me, but also some Asian-Americans who come here from the Urban areas who really appear more "stereotypically white-washed" than the ones who didn't grew up in the ethnic enclaves.
Sometimes, the main things that kept me sane throughout the years was family, studying and personal spirituality (not organized religion). Of course, everyone's life journey is a tad bit different, but I think a good piece of advice is to find and developed your source of confidence and accepting reality. For me, my personal source of strength was sound knowledge, from the books, from people, etc. The more I knew, the more confident I was in facing myself, facing others,facing obstacles etc. For others, the sources of confidence could be friends, religion, productive activities, etc. Accepting reality is quite necessary to move forward and to just live (or breathe). It's not easy but sentimentally speaking, very very very few things in life are guranteed.
I definitely feel what she goes through. I live in Minneapolis, and in Minnesota we have a pretty good Hmong population, along with some other Asians, but in the larger picture, it's not that much, at least compared to the coasts.
I grew up primarily around white people (in rural Minnesota), and now in college it's still a lot of whites (but with more diversity), so I am still trying to sift through trying to get my Asian side to emerge so I don't become too white. I need to connect with more Asians, people that can identify with the situation I am going through.
I definitely feel what she goes through. I live in Minneapolis, and in Minnesota we have a pretty good Hmong population, along with some other Asians, but in the larger picture, it's not that much, at least compared to the coasts.
I grew up primarily around white people (in rural Minnesota), and now in college it's still a lot of whites (but with more diversity), so I am still trying to sift through trying to get my Asian side to emerge so I don't become too white. I need to connect with more Asians, people that can identify with the situation I am going through.
I grew up in Jacksonville, FL at the bottom edge of the deep south. It wasn't just in the south it was also a navy base full of retirees that fought in Asia. Of course, everyone had a sideways vagina story and other stories to marginalize Asians both male and female. And I developed, like a spidey-sense, an Asian-sense for who was a Vietnam vet and how close they were to experiencing a flashback when I interacted with them.
Growing up there can only be described as total and absolute suckage. I can't help my Asian looks nor would I ever want to. So in an attempt to seem less foreign I spoke English with a pronounced southern accent when surrounded by non-Asians. It was well received with comments to the effect of "He's such a nice boy and he speaks so well".
Now that I live in the Boston area I've been able to get the distance I needed to know what was happening in the south. I am now comfortable being who I am and know when to call people out on racist comments both overt and subtle.
It's difficult to keep positive about it especially when so many experiences were negative and occasionally violent against me. But it's in the past and living in a place where that kind of racism isn't prevalent allows a new start.
I grew up in Jacksonville, FL at the bottom edge of the deep south. It wasn't just in the south it was also a navy base full of retirees that fought in Asia. Of course, everyone had a sideways vagina story and other stories to marginalize Asians both male and female. And I developed, like a spidey-sense, an Asian-sense for who was a Vietnam vet and how close they were to experiencing a flashback when I interacted with them.
Growing up there can only be described as total and absolute suckage. I can't help my Asian looks nor would I ever want to. So in an attempt to seem less foreign I spoke English with a pronounced southern accent when surrounded by non-Asians. It was well received with comments to the effect of "He's such a nice boy and he speaks so well".
Now that I live in the Boston area I've been able to get the distance I needed to know what was happening in the south. I am now comfortable being who I am and know when to call people out on racist comments both overt and subtle.
It's difficult to keep positive about it especially when so many experiences were negative and occasionally violent against me. But it's in the past and living in a place where that kind of racism isn't prevalent allows a new start.
Yeah I related a lot to this as well, because even though now I'm in the Bay Area, I grew up in New Hampshire, where I could count the number of Asians on my hand, and still have a few extra fingers. Seriously.
Those cities you mentioned, a lot of the kids don't know the bubble they're living in. It's hard to imagine that the country is still only like 4.4% Asian.
Yeah I related a lot to this as well, because even though now I'm in the Bay Area, I grew up in New Hampshire, where I could count the number of Asians on my hand, and still have a few extra fingers. Seriously.
Those cities you mentioned, a lot of the kids don't know the bubble they're living in. It's hard to imagine that the country is still only like 4.4% Asian.
I relate all too closely with Patricia. Although I grew up in a New York suburb, I did so in the seventies, in an all white suburb. I tried hard to be white, to be Asian, and to be some blend of both. I still do this today, but at least I do it for myself today, and I realize I don't need to be accepted by everyone, just by the people that matter to me. The tough part of this, is of course I'm over 40 now, and I just wish it didn't take me this long to be this comfortable with who I am.
I relate all too closely with Patricia. Although I grew up in a New York suburb, I did so in the seventies, in an all white suburb. I tried hard to be white, to be Asian, and to be some blend of both. I still do this today, but at least I do it for myself today, and I realize I don't need to be accepted by everyone, just by the people that matter to me. The tough part of this, is of course I'm over 40 now, and I just wish it didn't take me this long to be this comfortable with who I am.
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