This weekend I went to Hoboken for their St. Patrick’s Day Parade. St. Patrick’s Day in Hoboken is basically an excuse for everyone to get very drunk and celebrate in public; its telling that when someone asked my Irish Catholic friends and I who St. Patrick was, none of us had any idea, so I answered, “I think him and Jesus were best friends or something.” It was a lot of fun.
As my friends and I went to various parties, the crowd was young, fratty — never before have I seen so many dudes wearing short sleeve shirts over long sleeve shirts — and extremely white. In fact, I would have been willing to bet that I was the only Asian person in a 10 block radius.
This changed when at one party another Asian guy strolled in. I didn’t notice him until some random white guy came up to me and said, “Yo, now there’s two of you here…You Asians have to fight each other!” To which, I responded something equally absurd: “Yeah, we’re like the movie Highlander. I take down other Asians to absorb their souls.” He laughed, and the two of us shared a beer.
But I spent some time reflecting on this exchange today, and I’m feeling a little weird about it, because it fits in with a pattern of non overt but still racist remarks that I’ve encountered my entire life, and I’ve never been sure how to react to them; one thing I hear sometimes is, “Rob, you are the coolest Asian person I know,” or its slightly more demeaning variant, “Rob, you are the only cool Asian person I know.”
Is that a compliment or an insult? And what does it say about the lens through which people view their friendship with me? The first time a friend said that to me I was moderately pleased, because I thought it signified his willingness to engage with and think past his existing racial boundaries. Now, however, I am beginning to think that the opposite is true – that he and others still view Asian people the same way, but they see me as some sort of weird anomaly and thus not really even Asian at all. Sometimes I get direct confirmation of this, as when one of my friends told me less than a week ago that, “for an Asian person, you don’t act very Asian.”
What to make of all this? After all, these people are my friends, and the fact that they seem to have negative racial stereotypes about my ethnic group doesn’t make me care about them any less, or want to stop associating with them. But that doesn’t mean that I like when this happens, or that I’m okay with the stereotypes.
And more importantly, how do we change this? I argued in a previous post that assimilation is important, and that we need to resist the urge to self segregate. I’ve always lived by that belief, in part because I see it as being my small way of contributing to the cause of Asian Americana, but mostly because it’s always been more natural for me to associate with people outside of a racial filter. But if all I’ve accomplished is gotten myself labeled token white, then either I haven’t done a very good job, or there aren’t enough other Asian people doing the same thing. I don’t know the answer, but I’m interested in all of your thoughts.
(Flickr photo credit: r0sss)
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8 Comments to ““Why am I the Coolest Asian You Know?””
Kim wrote:
A White perspective; first off, don’t sweat it. The angst isn’t worth it. Have to say Rob, part of your experience probably has to do with the crowd mentality—people say lame things in crowds to get along. ‘Get along to go along’ its superficial, and stupid, but what do you expect? Particularly on St. Pats day.
Why worry what Whites think? If you know of some who are offended by Asians congregating together—–suggest they buy a ticket to China—–widen their world view—plenty of Asians congregating there, no harm done.
I liked your post about Park, and think it looks very cool, but don’t see the harm. I’m not going to be offended if there is a place in NY where I might feel a little uncomfortable—there are plenty of places in NY where I can feel REALLY uncomfortable—totally unrelated to Asians congregating.
And Rob, heres the flip side: I love China, and I love my family in China, but it only takes about a week—or less–particularly if I’m on a business trip—before I’m going to be seeking out an English speaking pub, just to have a relaxed, culturally similar conversation. I’m usually disappointed (particularly on the mainland, better in HK)—but I still try. No one in China seems to care if I hang with other Whites, in fact, they seem to sort of expect it.
Posted on 10-Mar-09 at 9:11 am | Permalink
Backspace wrote:
Wow, the above post is a bit much, no? It’s easy to say “don’t sweat it”.
Posted on 10-Mar-09 at 9:59 am | Permalink
Confuse-us wrote:
….one thing I hear sometimes is, “Rob, you are the coolest Asian person I know,” or its slightly more demeaning variant, “Rob, you are the only cool Asian person I know.”….Is that a compliment or an insult?
Can something be simltaneously demeaning and complimentary? Are you the Asian dude in the Miley photograph?
Posted on 10-Mar-09 at 12:34 pm | Permalink
Daniel (different) wrote:
I don’t know if it’s just the area you live in or specifically the people you hang out with, but I’ve never had anyone, especially my closest friends (who are not Asian) mentioned to me anything related to the “token white” ideal. However, it’s probably because how I interacted with people. I’m quite aware of those sentiments are around. It’s probably unlikely people will say things like that face to face without having a somewhat festive atmosphere like St. Patricks’s parade.
I lived in probably one of the highest white cities in the US for a long time, and to this day, there really isn’t much that’s particular about “white American culture”. At least to my eyes. A lot of societies (in the US) are always changing, plus it’s very hard to ignore the many “non-white or non-western or non-european based…etc.” influences in American culture–mainstream and regional.
In an extreme-simplified view, one could say that there’s no such thing as “Acting white” and technically one can not assimilate into American culture…for many reasons. It’s more like people emulate their local peers, while uniquely being themselves, and in a lot of cases, the impact of their roots (heritage-family upbringing) will show up in the daily activities-view on life, sort to speak.
Honestly speaking, there’s not much we can do to change others ideals regarding racial stereotypes…the most one can do is to feed them information, by interacting, travelling, exposing, etc. Most people can’t change their ideals regarding a lot of things, let alone race. Change like that has to come from within and it takes time. Otherwise, you’ll just dealing with the superficial layer, like puting on a happy face, being PC in speech but not necessarily be their actual selves.
Posted on 10-Mar-09 at 1:34 pm | Permalink
Kim wrote:
Ah, Backspace,…
… I suggested that Rob probably shouldn’t sweat the comments made to him by a drunk in a crowd at a St. Paddy’s Day party—-you think he should sweat it??
Posted on 10-Mar-09 at 8:50 pm | Permalink
Phở Kinh Yue wrote:
Is that a compliment or a insult? when i read that part, it started reminding me of Sheng Wang’s comedy. He was saying “What kind of compliment is less slanty?lol.
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=8395770
At the end of the day, if I was in that situation I would think to myself if it really bothered me. If it really does…if they were really my friends, I would explain to them exactly what you said in this blog. If they don’t want to listen, well I guess there’s always room for new friends.
Posted on 10-Mar-09 at 11:42 pm | Permalink
Moye wrote:
I personally would view it more as an insulting compliment. Being labeled “cool” based on their negative perception of Asians wouldn’t bother me (because seriously, I *am* pretty cool) as much as the realization that even if you are good friends with them, they still clearly see you as Asian. Not to say that being Asian isn’t an important part of your identity, but they’re categorizing you as Asian and therefore, not like them (invisibly white).
I don’t know how to explain it, but it would bug me. You’re their “coolest Asian friend.” Why can’t you just be their “coolest friend”?
And I don’t see any harm in succumbing to the self-segregate urge.
Posted on 11-Mar-09 at 10:49 am | Permalink
CSLi wrote:
Ever hear the one about the honorary male?
“You’re so cool, you’re not like other girls…it’s like you’re a dude!” Well, this is the same thing.
As Moye states, being labeled as “cool” in contrast to the “uncoolness” of “your people” (women, blacks, gays, asians, etc.) is no compliment. It’s veiled racism, sexism, and what have you. It’s insulting, and worse –it is incredibly boring.
To those who think we just shouldn’t sweat it: when drunken comments parrot the ideas, attitudes, comments and insults that we live with all our lives, it is nigh impossible to see them as anything but symptomatic and hurtful. It’s not like these white guys were joking about Rob’s shirt, or being totally random.
And Rob, why on earth would you go to Hoboken in the first place?
Posted on 26-Mar-09 at 4:13 pm | Permalink
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