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My parents each had their own religion. My mom was a practicing Buddhist and my dad would profess to anyone who would listen that he was Catholic. As for attending church or temple, as a family we rarely did either. My dad made a few attempts when we were really young, but we never asked to go, and he never really pushed it. On the other hand, my mom made a yearly pilgrimage to the temple in Chinatown (a good 2-3 hour drive away), and took us with her, but even then, a yearly visit doesn’t instill much religious belief in a child.
Fast forward 35 plus years and I’ve got a child of my own. While I grew up with little religion in my life, I know it’s not something I want for my own daughter. As it happens, this week I was reading a surprising article in the Mercury News saying that more Americans say they have no religion. Another statistic from this same study also piqued my interest:
The number of adherents of Eastern Religions, which more than doubled in the 1990s, has declined slightly, from just over two million to just under. Asian Americans are substantially more likely to indicate no religious identity than other racial or ethnic groups.
If more Asian Americans are growing up in mixed religion households, I can understand the lack of religious identity among Asian Americans. For myself I wish I had a better religious self-identification. I also think it’s important that my daughter understands that there are different religions and learns to respect others views, but I want to make sure she isn’t trying to assimilate different religious views, and get left with no belief of her own; like I was as a child. As naive as it sounds, I want religion and faith to be there to comfort her in her difficult times.
The question then is how to balance those desires. With my mother’s passing this last year, we’ve been to Buddhist temple quite a bit, and we’ve also started going to a United Church of Christ. As a family I know we’ll continue to go to UCC for services, but how much do I expose her to Buddhism, without adversely affecting her developing faith in Christ? I certainly don’t want her to lose out on her culture and heritage, of which Buddhism plays an important part, yet I want to make sure religion is there for her when she needs it.
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View Comments to “Finding Religion”
yoko wrote:
My parents were both brought up Buddhist (I’ve forgotten which sect), but both did not continue to practice their faith when they came to the States, and consequently, I did not grow up with any faith. I lived in a predominantly Catholic neighborhood, but sadly, the kids who went to Catholic school were the ones who teased me mercilessly about not being Catholic, so that left a bad impression on me.
Lately, I’ve been reading about Zen Buddhism, but I don’t yet feel moved to adopt it as my own. At this time, I don’t feel as if I need religion in my life. Sorry, Tim, I don’t have any advice for you.
Posted on 16-Mar-09 at 11:18 am | Permalink
Brendon wrote:
Hi Tim,
I’ve never actually visited this blog before, but my girlfriend was reading it out loud and it caught my attention. Disclaimer: Yes, I call myself a follower of Jesus. There, that’s been said.
I think it’s absolutely wonderful that you have a concern for your daughter, and that you do realize that there is something broken about the world we live in (“the difficult times”). I think it’s great that you are curious about greater truth beyond the physical realm, of what we can see and touch.
Your daughter will have to make a lot of her decision making herself in regards to how she seeks out faith. From one perspective, it can be difficult for a child to think of faith as anymore than a series of rituals and meaningless motions if it is pushed on him or her. From another perspective, it is good that you help her actively seek out greater truth, so she knows that there is something more than merely securing material needs.
Show her what’s out there. Let her make the choice whether she wants to actively pursue spiritual truth for herself. But one thing I do advise you on is that having faith in Christ is not something based on when she needs it. It’s a transforming *lifestyle* and not something you merely “go to” on Sundays.
In response to Yoko, I want to apologize on behalf of Catholics and Christians in general who have left bad impressions on you. I’m sorry that the kids who went to that Catholic school teased you for not being Catholic. I encourage you to keep on seeking greater truth for yourself and start asking the tougher questions for yourself, and not let bad past experiences taint you from doing so. Yes, the church can be messed up and not be a living testament of Christ’s love, as it should.
Christians might seem like hypocrites when they don’t walk the walk or talk the talk. That furthers the point that all of us are sinners: Christians and non-Christians alike. The self-righteous people out there who think they have it all together actually don’t have it together. But the beauty of it all is that Jesus gives grace for those who believe in Him. We will never be perfect. We will *always* mess up. But Jesus is with us to restore us in a divine relationship with Him. And that’s sweet. :]
For both of you, if you have anything you want to talk about, shoot me an e-mail at brendon@epicslo.com. I love talking about this stuff. Thanks for reading.
Posted on 16-Mar-09 at 10:30 pm | Permalink
jozjozjoz wrote:
This is a great post, Tim.
Religion was a struggle for me because my mother is Buddhist, and although my dad was not religious, his extended family is Christian.
Mom tried hard not to push her beliefs on us. In fact, for a while, she forced us to go to church with Christian friends and Bible Study with extended family. She did also make us join her when she went to temple, but this was usually just for special occasions. In general, it was her belief to let us “choose for ourselves.”
Fast forward a couple of decades and although I don’t consider myself to be religious, I find myself leaning toward Buddhism, despite the fact that I spent much more time as a child in church than I ever did at temple (and studied much more of the Bible than Buddhist literature). Then again, I look at Buddhism less as a religion and more of a philosophy.
I know not all Christians are like this, but I was extremely turned off by various Christians (at the churches I attended and also ones in my extended family) who basically passed judgment against my mother for being Buddhist. Once, a church lady came to visit our house and had the nerve to tell my mother (who was serving her tea) that she was going to go to Hell for worshipping false idols and that she was a horrible mother for letting her children live in a house with statues of Buddha in it. For the record, the statues of Buddha in our house were not religious icons, but part of my (non-religious) father’s art collection.
I could go on with more (much more horrifying stories), but this was only one small example of how I felt certain Christians did not not display behavior in a Christianly manner toward people with differing viewpoints. (Again, not to hold this against all Christians, but just providing an example of the sort of thing that turned me off to Christianity.) In my case, I can honestly say that it was not my exposure to Buddhism, but rather exposure to so-called CHRISTIANS, which adversely affected my connection with the Christian faith.
In my experience, the Buddhist temples I visited welcomed people of all faiths. However, Christian churches (basically) require you to accept Jesus as the one true savior and to reject all others. In other words, depending on the Buddhist sect you ascribe to, some Buddhists believe you can be Buddhist and Christian, but Christians believe you can only be Christian to be a true Christian.
Tim, I know many people who consider themselves spiritual, but not religious. It is admirable that you want “religion and faith” to be there to comfort your daughter, but many people find solace in spirituality without religion. Of course, the choice is ultimately hers and you are a good father to be concerned that she has the oppportunity to explore multiple faiths, or even to choose nothing at all.
Posted on 17-Mar-09 at 12:13 am | Permalink
Eric wrote:
I’m glad you bring this issue up. Though I’m only a college student, as an Asian American, I often think about how I will preserve many parts of Chinese culture that my parents have tried to preserve within me, such as food, language, holidays, etc.
In my family, religion was not much of a problem because both of my parents are Buddhist. I grew up exposed to Buddhist culture though not really knowing the specifics of Buddhist philosophy. In short, I did some exploring myself in college, learned much about Buddhism, and now its an important part of my life.
I think the most important part was self-exploration. For a while, I refused to call myself a Buddhist because I never knew anything about it except bowing, burning incense, and burning paper money. But exploring the religion for myself really help me identify and confirm that this was the faith for me.
I admire that you want to give her options without being too forceful or imposing. I’m not sure how old she is but I find that college is a time when many people do religious exploration. I had gone to several Christian fellowships and bible studies as well as Buddhist student groups in my own exploration of religion.
Here are some links to articles and blogs that talk a bit about introducing Buddhism to children:
– Q/A about introducing Buddhism to a child: http://www.newsobserver.com/419/story/1403033.html
– Teaching your Children Buddhist Values: http://www.tricycle.com/special-section/introduction-teaching-your-children-buddhist-values
– Buddhist Studies for primary and secondary students: http://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/buddhism/index.htm
– http://www.buddhanet.net also has many kid-friendly resources such as cartoons and stories on Buddhsim.
Hope these are relevant and helpful,
Eric
Posted on 17-Mar-09 at 1:21 am | Permalink
Daniel (different) wrote:
Well, relatively speaking, culture is ever-changing. Depending on what type of legacy you, the parents, want to leave for the next generation, or what type of exposures you all want to leave (since the children will often choose what they want to carry on), I think what matters more is how strong and healthy that type of parent-child bond people create and what type of memories the next generations will have.
There are a lot of aspects of Asian, or specifically Chinese culture which gives way, or is open regarding religion. Like there could be lots of influences, but it’s not quite the same in terms of what you believe, more like how you live and what you do with your lot in life.
It’s sort of fatalistic but in a way, there’s a lot in the literature, philosophies, etc. which can partially explain why if people notice, there is such a strong drive to self-empower yourselves, maximize your potential, learn constantly, entrepreneural spirit tc. among a lot of Asians. However, I think a lot of ideas and the basic meaning behind a lot of traditions are quite universal. The wisdom is applicable for many conditions and situations people end up in. In terms of religious beliefs, it is open in a sense that the final decision is up to the individual.
I too grew up around the church (AG denomination)but my parents never really believed in it or went there. I ended up studying lots of different religions in my own on-going self-exploration phase. IMO, religion like culture is also ever-changing. That bond and memories the parent-child relationship has will have far more impact than any religion and philosophy can reach. When I studied how Judaism survived despite it’s vulnerable conditions, I learned that one of the biggest reasons of how it moved on to the next generations was that the relationship and memories of their parents and ancestors was so warm and loving that the children will do anything to keep their traditions, modify if necessary but not change the main points. This sort of correlates the experiences many diaspora groups like the Chinese have gone through, as in the case of my family who hasn’t step foot in China for at least 3 generations.
I know many things differ for everyone, but in my personal case, I feel quite at peace and self-fulfilled with my beliefs and not have to affiliate myself with any organized religion. A big part of it due to my relationship with my parents along with many things like accepting reality, studying, etc.
Posted on 17-Mar-09 at 11:43 am | Permalink
“Finding Religion” — 8Asians.com » Epic wrote:
[...] Read this brief post about what this man is seeking to understand about Asians and religious affiliation: http://www.8asians.com/2009/03/16/finding-religion/. [...]
Posted on 17-Mar-09 at 11:57 am | Permalink
Tim wrote:
To all who responded to this post: Even I had issues with Christians when I was growing up, but I didn’t let them negatively affect my view of Christianity. My best friend in high school was a devout Catholic and I attended church with him a few times. During those times, he told me that because I was a “heathen” and had not been baptized, I should not accept communion and asked me to remain seated while he took communion. His girlfriend was a born again Christian, so between the three of us we had some very interesting religious debates. While I find myself more Buddhist than Christian, my partner and I chose Christianity for our daughter partly because it’s more mainstream, and partly because the church we picked, (the UCC) is an open and affirming church. That means anyone (regardless of religion, sexual identity, etc) is allowed to worship there and exchange ideas. Anyone is allowed to take communion regardless of whether you’ve been baptized or not. The church is about making you comfortable exploring your spirituality and relationship to God. I like the fact it’s so opposite what my best friend told me about the Catholic church (which remember my dad was also a member of). Open and Affirming, that’s what all religions should be…
Posted on 17-Mar-09 at 3:57 pm | Permalink
Daniel (different) wrote:
It’s refreshing to see that you all (Tim, Tim’s wife and any Christian) found a church that coincides with your family goals and open ideals, and not have the “bad apples” spoil your beliefs. I have no issue with people who choose that route but I think it might help a bit to understand that there are many other reasons why people do not accept the Christian faith. Also, many people go to church and become Christians for different reasons, even though those goals of salvation, finding peace and meaning, etc. are all the same.
I’ll use my own religious/spiritual experiences as an example. I also had to deal with those bad apples, the hypocrisy, judgemental attitudes and I was really hurt by quite a few of them. Mentally, they tored up my dignity but when confronted, they passed up their faults, denieing and using many excuses instead of facing reality. I endured several of those verbal and mental torments, similar to what others said that my family members will burn in hell, etc. I tolerated that but later on as I grew up, it’s not just the people but also the theology and nature of Christianity which I can not accept.
From my own spiritual studies and experiences, coincinding with many other people, it’s what you do and how one lives places top prioty over beliefs. I accept several religious ideals, mainly because their universal. In a sermon I heard before, the preachers spoke how the family is the holiest institution God bestowed and in terms of importance, comes before any buildings or organizations.
One of the fundamental beliefs I came to be aware and open up is that my perception of the Almighty is more abstract. I can not think or imagine God as being 3 parts nor as a man or going through another entity to reach God, etc. Instead of being material beings with spiritual experiences, a better way to describe about my religious perspective is that we’re spiritual beings having material experiences. It’s a bit cheezy but there are many others who feel the same way.
So many other aspects of Christianity I came to gripes with that reflecting back on my own life, the knowledge I gain, the personal events that happen beyond my control, the unexpected people I met, so many factors came together to form my conclusion that this religion is not my path. My walk with the divine is alright and relatively good but again I have no issue with those who make choices about their own religious/spiritual journeys.
Posted on 17-Mar-09 at 11:10 pm | Permalink
Brendon wrote:
Tim:
Regardless of any denomination, a church is meant to be the most loving place in town. It pains me to realize that there are so many churches that have fallen short of this. You’re right: a church should be a place where you feel comfortable to explore questions about God and feel welcomed and not judged… but I caution against the practice of everyone taking communion.
The communion is meant to symbolize that you are showing obedience to God and that you’re welcoming Him into your life. If you think back to the Last Supper, Jesus said to “do this in remembrance of me.” When you take the cup of wine/juice and the bread/cracker, you’re remembering the sacrifice He made, and through that, accepting what happened on the cross and how He restored the lost connection between man and God. This should be reserved for members of God’s family who have committed themselves to Him.
Now I’m not condemning you or saying you’re going to Hell for it. All I’m saying is that practice deserves great thought and consideration before you just go and “do it.” Think of what it really means, if you follow Jesus.
———-
Daniel:
It’s great to hear that you haven’t let the bad apples get you down or stop you from exploring spiritual truth. There is one question that I have to ask you though…
You said that it’s what you do takes a higher priority than beliefs. As a Christian, I’m called to live out my faith through good works and deeds, but that isn’t the means to salvation. It’s through my faith in Jesus. Why? Because there’s absolutely nothing I can do that would please God because He’s given me everything already and everything is His. I can’t impress someone with something that’s already his.
So if good works is held in high regard for someone who isn’t a follower of Jesus, I ask where the standards are for being good? How do we know that what we do is good in the eyes of God, granted, that He does exist? I’m reminded that it says in the apostle Paul’s letters that we’ve ALL fallen short of the glory of God. And in Jesus’ ministry, He tells His followers that even if you hate your brother in your heart, you’ve already committed murder. How often do we hold grudges against our own friends? According to Jesus, we’re all murderers! Yikes!
Additionally, I think you’re absolutely right. God in three persons? How can that be? How can there be three in one? Here’s a thought though… if we fully understood the mystery of what we call the Trinity, if we totally understood the workings of black holes or why stars become red giants, or why we love someone even if we know that one day they will die and we’ll experience tremendous pain, then I think that we’d be thinking that we’d be on the same level as God! If God is all-knowing, then we can’t be all-knowing.
And moreover, do you think we can ever fully understand why God would come down to Earth, take the form of a man (a great downgrade, for sure!) and suffer so much by people, through verbal and physical persecution, all the way to death on a cross, because He loved us so much and wanted to restore us, even in full knowledge that some would still reject Him despite that sacrifice? I don’t understand it either! It’s CRAZY LOVE!
Posted on 17-Mar-09 at 11:57 pm | Permalink
Tim wrote:
@Brendon: It’s funny you mention that about communion. Although I said everyone is allowed to take communion at our church (the UCC), I specifically have chosen not to take communion, since my best friend in high school had made such a big deal about it when I was at church with him. My daughter takes communion as does my partner, and he thinks it’s funny I won’t take communion. But as others have said, it’s about what’s comfortable to the individual. While I haven’t taken communion, I like the fact it’s not denied to anyone.
Posted on 18-Mar-09 at 12:38 pm | Permalink
Daniel (different) wrote:
Hi Brendan,
I think I should give a short background of where I’m coming from in terms of religion/spirituality. I consider myself as one of those who believe that we all are constantly learning and that life is a journey. As for now, I can only speak for myself but my ideals draw from many sources in which I should give them all credit.
It’s quite a long story, pretty much ongoing, but some of the reasons why I feel so confident in my ideals is that there were many people I met who felt the same way, also I had formed some conclusions but then discovered that other religions/philosophies had the same views. Sort of like, through my own self-reflection, I became aware of many things, and thought I must be crazy. However, the unexpected people I met, and personal events happen that kept leading me to certain viewpoints.
Again, it’s a very long story but I don’t mind sharing, but the closest religion that coincides with what I believe is Judaism,as understood from a Gentile perspective. I studied that for over 6 years, talked to many people and observe. In several ways it is going to take a very long time to explain but as far as why I made such statements regarding God and religion, it comes from that particular belief. I guess some of the ideals I came to accept that is there is no cosmic battle between good and evil, God is in total control. There’s a whole lot more, and fundamentally they are anti-thetical to Christianity, but on the other hand, I personally have no issue with whatever route people choose to reach the divine.
Why I believe that it’s what you do matters over belief? I speak for myself…The Almighty was, is and will always be there regardless of what I believe. God existed before Jesus, before Muhammad, before Moses…always involved with humanity and the creator of the universe is beyond time and space. For so many other reasons, I can not confined or limit God to ways how many religions have tried to do.
In terms of standards for being good, I draw from many sources. However, as of now, I see many ideals are universal even if they come from non-biblical sources. The golden rule is very much a standard, and from this rule, it branches out to many situations and conditions we all go through. Many different phrases exist, whether it’s from Jesus or Confucius, but I prefer this version: From Hillel the elder ,” That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it.” I don’t question why people shouldn’t murder or pursue actions deemed harmful to themselves and others…these things are obviously not good.
I don’t mind sharing more with what I know as of now, and again I only speak for myself, plus I admit I don’t understand everything but I do tried my best to fulfill my purposes, enjoy life, etc. However, God blessed us with intellect to use and we were all made differently yet are just as important…even the idol worshippers and atheists.
Sorry for the long “Still un-finished” reply but regarding this topic, I have too much to say.
Posted on 18-Mar-09 at 5:55 pm | Permalink
Kim wrote:
For readers who aren’t Christian, or have Christian backgrounds, a few basic differences referred to here could use a little amplification. Many Christian churches believe that Jesus and God’s message indicate that if you believe in him, regardless of your sins, you will be saved, and there will be a place in Heaven for you.
Catholics and Episcopalians don’t exactly believe that. The basis for salvation is embodied in the belief that individuals make their own choices, and by those choices, determine their own destiny regarding entrance to the kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, the active, even intellectual repentance of sins is required at the individual level.
Communion (taking the wine and wafer) also has significant differences between traditional (Catholic and Episcopalian) —and Protestant churches. The traditional belief is that the wine and the wafer actually transform in the body of the true believer—when given—to the literal body and blood of Christ—transubstantiation—and therefore, for a nonbeliever (or one who is not baptized) to take the sacrament would future compound the sin.
Many Protestant denominations view Communion as symbolic, rather than literal–a personal reaffirmation in the sacrifice of Jesus on the Cross, and the goodness of God.
Posted on 21-Mar-09 at 11:59 am | Permalink
Eric wrote:
If you are interested in Asian American issues in Buddhism (yes, they do exist), blogger arunlikhati likes to write as an “Angry Asian Buddhist” on the Dharmafolk blog (www.dharmafolk.wordpress.com).
Posted on 24-Mar-09 at 10:05 pm | Permalink
BBQCHICKENROBOT wrote:
wow, it’s 2009.
Keep in mind, The Bible says God is the head of the church, and this comforts me much.
But also there are people who serve in church, such as staff, pastors, volunteers etc. These people are people. And people are not perfect. There’s drama, there’s disagreements and lots of conflict.
If you “hate” Christians or something in the past has left a hypocritical distate in your mouth, I’d really honestly say it’s time to move on from that…
When I moved to california…an Indian man with a heavy accent tried to rip me off while I was renting a room from him. He accused me of things, and said I’d never make it here and there. But this doesn’t stop me from enganging with my indian friends, their culture, their desires and dislikes and all sorts of things.
When I was in college, these men would come on campus with huge (seriously huge) banners that said “Jeuss Hates:…” and list tons and tons of words like gays, catholics, lazy people, mormons, and on and on. They professed that they were Christians. And they would argue with anyone, ANYONE! They did it protest style; and students clashed constantly. And after those days, people would say “Christians are stupid, ignorant” and whatever else you could think of.
But seriously, do people actually think these guys are the representatives of Christianity and that demonstrations like these are a reason to believe Christians are lame?
If you are bruised by someone who was Christian, or you see something done by Christians on the news that had negative consquences, or you think Christians are ignorant…do research. Go to a church, and you will find that this isn’t always the case. If anything Christians struggle the most. Many have deeper desires to be close to Christ, so when they “mess up” or sin…it really sucks.
Jesus says “love God, and Love your neighbor”…
That is hard to do.
American’s get a bad rep in other countries for being this and that. But are you like that? Do you fit the description? Nah…Next time someone says American’s are all selfish, you can tell them many might be, or the ones that you interacted with showed signs of such, but not all of us are. How annoying it can be when tourists stereotype ALL americans just from a few americans. When my aunt visited LA she thought americans were all about this and that. But really, LA is hard to live in, traffic sucks, everyone’s trying to make a buck (some ethically, others illegally)…Life is hard wherever you go, and probably there will be people struggling with things on their mind other than how to treat a tourist. Well excuses aside, or atleast for myself, I told my aunt that her experience was just an experience. Infact there are many awesome, nice people in lots of communities.
So come on y’all, next time you see your local Christian, or Jesus freaks, let’em know that you understand that they are human, and they will make mistakes, and that just because they do something “bad”, it’s not because they are a hypocritical fool, but instead, they sin.
Spread Love.
In my experience, Christianity is about spreading love, and serving others and getting deeper with people and with Christ. But if you become a Christian, it’s really up to you to do it. No one can force you.
btw, I’m a Christian, and I don’t consider it just some other religion. It’s more real than I can describe. I’ll give a prayer for your daughter, but honestly, I think a parent should lead by honest example. But I’m sure you thought of that!
Peace!
Posted on 16-Apr-09 at 10:28 pm | Permalink
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