Congratulations on YOUR decision to change your legal name! I think that as KADs we may share common threads, but equally important is our ability to have our own sense of self. Adoption experiences cannot always be lumped together, because we are individuals. No matter who says it to you, realize that you ALONE have the ability and the right to make decisions, which you feel are best for you. In turn, those who are not threatened or intimidated by you or your actions, will fully support you. Experience has shown me, no matter where you are (workplace, family, public places, etc), if someone is rude, belligerent or abusive, it is highly likely it is NOT about you, but rather that person and their own insecurities. You can only control what you do in life, and cannot control other people’s responses. Kudos to you for taking a step towards your own personal healing! I wish you much continued peace and understanding throughout your journey!

I do not agree with your assessment of Chun Soon-li’s writing here. But I am interested to see your other comments. You mention that you are “on record” here and there. Please could you post a link or way of searching for these? I am interested in your perspective as spouse of a Chinese person and adoptive parent to a Chinese child. Perhaps there is more common ground than would be thought from the interactions here. If you do not want to post maybe you can create a temporary gmail or yahoo mail account then post that here. Here is mine — LLLoritemporary gmail dot com

I think there is value in hearing all sides.

IMHO, I’m not too fond of people using the statements of how things were a lot worst before or it could have been worst…like don’t use it too casually. Sort of how our elders nag how the younger people have it so much better than before, more food to eat, luxury,better opportunities, education, etc. That is definantly true and we, the descendents should offer gratitude for the forbearers who pave such a path. However, I’m afraid if these quotes or statements gets thrown around too much, it sort of loses its meaning. People become a bit turn off when nagged too much. Every generation has it’s own unique challenges. There’s little need to push such statements on the young, unless there is an real lesson involved. It might end up limiting their potential rather than actualizing it. This is just a suggestion.

However, it would be the best to let parents/family (adopted or not)raise their kids in whatever they know best. There’s no business for outsiders to interfere and most people understand the need for this boundary.

I don’t know much and still have a hard time understanding adoptees or adoptive parents, despite interacting with people of that background for some time. I’m aware that the love is there, the confusion is there, the struggles and warmth are there too…and this applies beyond race,ethnicity,culture, nationality,etc.

I don’t know how many people believe in religious/spirituality matters, but according to some beliefs, names do have a metaphysical properties/almost superstitious elements to them. The reason why I brought that up is that this story, whatever the real reason(s) may be, reminds me of stories I heard where individuals who also made their journey of self-discovery and “reverted” back to their supposed original identity. It also involved adoptees or adults who discovered they were adopted, thought something was missing and made that journey. Some went ahead to change their names and even demographic identity. According to some beliefs, the birth mother leaves an enternal mark on the soul of her offspring due to the need to carry that child for a period of time. The mother’s identity will always be embedded in the child’s conscience.

Of course, whatever you all want to believe is up to the individuals. A rational viewpoint is that American society has a lot of work to do in terms of demographic issues. Every society does in some way. The desire to find your roots (even if it’s a bit too rosy for reality) is quite strong for many people in this constantly changing environment with a realitively short history. Provides a sense of security for some. Added with another strong urge to feel special and create a “name” for oneself. Then there’s the issue how some feel that their outsiders in their own homes. Feeling lonely even with many people around. So many factors along with whatever personal issues unique to the individual’s life.

Overall, a lot to think about and thanks for Chun-soon Li and all the other adoptees, adoptive parents and other commentators for such an interesting topic.

If you have not stumbled across this article already–it was just posted on April 1, a few days ago. It discusses the unique financial, social, and political issues alluded to in this forum, that single/unwed mothers face in Korea.