How to be a Bad Asian: Let your kid get a B

By Jeff | Saturday, January 15, 2011 | 4 Comments

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Life is hard enough as an Asian. Not all of us can get perfect SAT scores, graduate from medical school or trick out a Honda Civic. The pressure to embrace our culture remains but sometimes, we just don’t want to. How To Be A Bad Asian is an ongoing series of personal essays by the 8Asians writers about what sets us apart from the API community, how we deal with the stereotypes that we put upon ourselves and why we all can’t be that perfect Asian. It’s time to be bad.

Yes, I’m a bad Asian – in particular, a bad Asian parent. I let my kids do the following:

attend a sleepover
have a playdate
watch TV and play computer games
choose their own extracurricular activites
get grades less than an A
not be the No. 1 student in every subject
no play the piano or violin

My kids have never asked to be in a school play, so I couldn’t say I let them join one or complain about not being in a school play. I guess I’m no Amy Chua!

Although she apparently isn’t the “Superior Chinese mom” portrayed by that Wall Street Journal excerpt, I have to admit that I worry sometimes that I am not stricter. In an excellent Disgrasian post on Amy Chua’s book, Jen suggests that these days, there is no need to go so hard, but I don’t see things getting easier for my kids, whose generation is predicted to have a poorer and harder life than my generation. Many contend that college admission is harder for Asian American kids, and the public college system, particular in here California where we live, is highly stressed, and what slots are available are becoming increasingly more competitive to obtain. Even if you get in, it is getting harder to get through because of impacted programs. A college admissions officer told me that as a result, private colleges are seeing much more demand and also becoming more selective. I just wonder if I doing them a disservice by not being so hard on them.

Number One Son had one B+ on their latest report card (the rest are A’s). It looks like The Daughter will get second honors and not first (Number Two Son got some A-’s, but I’ll let those slide ).. I’ll ask my children how they can improve and tell that I expect them to try to improve, but I won’t call them garbage or anything like that. Guess I am just a bad Asian parent!

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FamilyHow To Be A Bad AsianLifestylesObservations

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http://tinabot.blogspot.com/ TinaTsai

ironically, the only A- I remember my mom being upset about was when I got straight A’s in 5th grade except one was an A- in P.E. lol

Even though my mom was born in the year of the Tiger (technically a Tiger mom), she was not a crazy Asian mom. She lied to me when I was little by telling me she believed I was a prodigy child. Later, in my teens, she revealed that she didn’t think I was too bright, just average, but figured if I thought I was brilliant I would live up to the self-expectation. Oh Mommy, thanks for not calling me garbage or making me eat cow brains.
David06

A B is still good and no you’re not doing them a disservice by not being so hard on them. Being hard on them, can, in my experience with my own parents, lead to a certain degree of problems. So by being “so hard on them” you can cause some tensions and arguments.

Also, getting into a top notch college isn’t the end all, be all of their careers. They can still get into a good college without having to place everything on getting into that top tier school.
jeffat8asians

@TinaTsai I think the key here is setting and managing expectations. There are a lot of kids have very low expectations set for them about what they can accomplish,. There are others, including many many Asian American kids, who have incredibly high expectations set for them. Extremely low expectations are almost always fulfilled, and incredibly high expectations will often lead to disappointment. I have to believe that there is a happy medium somewhere in there.
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