8 Asians

We know that the most typical man on Earth is the 28 year old Han Chinese but did you know that the happiest man in America is a 65 year old Asian American? According to a survey of 1,000 randomly selected American adults conducted by Gallup with their Gallup-Healthways Well-Being index, the New York Times discovered that all the characteristics closely associated with happiness culminated in the following profile.

Gallup’s answer: he’s a tall, Asian-American, observant Jew who is at least 65 and married, has children, lives in Hawaii, runs his own business and has a household income of more than $120,000 a year.

Wait, what? I can buy the tall Asian American company owner but how many Asian Jews are there? There’s at least one because they managed to track down Alvin Wong, a “5-foot-10, 69-year-old, Chinese-American, Kosher-observing Jew, who’s married with children and lives in Honolulu. He runs his own health care management business and earns more than $120,000 a year.” Excuse me while my brain explodes.

Wong told the New York Times that he was indeed a very happy person which proves that maybe all those surveys and statistic numbers that people throw at you are true. Meanwhile, I’m going to move to Hawaii, start my own company, make a lot of money, pop out babies and convert to Judaism. The growing taller and whole gender surgery thing might be difficult but I’ve got the patience to wait until I turn 65. Having 8 out of 10 of those qualities isn’t so bad, right? BRB.