8 Asians

If you’re more Chinese (or Asian) than you are American, you know exactly what I mean when I say it’s expected the kids will take care of their parents when they are older. Confucius called it filial obligation, even the Chinese government passed it as law. As an immigrant to the U.S. myself, I always knew that some day I would have to take care of my parents. It was part of our normal discussion. My conversations with my mom would inevitably include something like:

Mom: Make sure you marry a Chinese girl, so when I’m old and come to live with you I’ll be able to talk to her.
Me: Uh, ok. What if she doesn’t speak any Chinese?
Mom: It doesn’t matter, we’ll understand each other, as long as she’s Chinese.
[Eventually I failed on both counts - my spouse is neither Chinese nor a girl]

If you know a bit about Chinese culture, you also know historically the youngest daughter was the one who stayed behind, didn’t get married and took care of the aging parents. I think in the back of her mind my younger sister always felt she had that role to play even though she got married and had kids, so she stuck by my dad’s side when he got sick with cancer. But it was always known that I would be the caretaker for my mom, when her cancer came back from remission.

The question of which child cares for the elderly parent was the recent topic of a NY Times article, which tackled the widely held belief in American culture that parents treat and love their kids equally (there’s obviously no such thing in Chinese culture). According to the Cornell University study (quoted by NY Times), American parents do really have a favorite child, even if they tell their kids otherwise. It’s their favorite child, who they typically want to be their caretaker in later life, even if their favorite isn’t the best suited (due to things like bankruptcy or drug abuse).

So I guess it should be no surprise to anyone, my younger sister was always my dad’s favorite, and I was always my mom’s. That much was obvious to anyone who knew our family. My parents didn’t hide it the way American families do. In another interesting aspect of the Cornell study, they found that the adult children in the study quite often incorrectly identified the favorite child in the family. Most often they’d say it was themselves, incorrectly. I guess that goes to show you, in American culture, there’s at least a facade of loving all the children equally. Being in America I think my parents at least attempted to do that, even if they didn’t succeed. Do your Asian parents play favorites? Is it obvious, or do they tell you all, they treat you all the same (I hesitate to use the word love as we all know Asians don’t use the word love and I love yous are for white people).

Like I’ve said, there seems to have been a slew of commercials (Target, CVS) recently with Asian Americans being portrayed as normal Americans, rather than for fodder. Now, Comcast has an ad touting its HD quality compared with AT&T’s U-verse with an Asian dad & son, along with Shaq. If you haven’t noticed lately, Shaq and Ben Stein have been spokesmen for Comcast this past year or so. Anyways, the kid kind of reminds me a little of Russell from Up. [Because he's, you know, Asian. And chubby. -Editor]

A new website for DJs, mixcrate.com, created in part by 8asians alumnus Genghis Mendoza, has a story about how the DJ scene in San Francisco Bay Area became large and influential.  Turntablism is now practiced worldwide, and many legendary DJs like Qbert and Babu are Filipino-Americans from the Bay Area.  CSU Long Beach Sociology professor Oliver Wang did his Ph.D dissertation at UC Berkeley on this subject.  “Spinning Identities:  A Social History of Filipino American DJs in the Bay Area” chronicles the history of the mobile DJ scene.  He has created the web site http://legionsofboom.com/ for sharing this work.

The Bay Area DJ scene definitely has had influence, even in my family.  My nephew Ryan Buendia, who is currently a music producer for the Black Eyed Peas, started out as a turntablist and is part of the Fingerbangerz crew .  This DJ crew has produced a lot of music for the dance crew Jabbawockeez.

As I mentioned, mixcrate.com is a site where DJs can share and promote their mixes.  Created by Bay Area DJs (Genghis is also a DJ), it too is part of the ongoing heritage that Wang describes.