By Kristina Wong

Kristina Wong delves deep into the sky high rates of depression and suicide among Asian American Women to make ‘Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.’

“I’m Definitely Not Crazy. But I Probably am Lying.”

My earliest memories of even thinking I might be depressed were met with warnings by my mother that if I ever dare seek professional help for depression, even as a kid, my employers would one day find out and fire me. It did bother me that being depressed-but-employed versus happy-and-unemployed was the better of the two (and only two) options, but I heeded her advice and never sought professional help. God forbid anyone know I was once a crazy 12-year old kid.

So I hid it for years. And not very well. Even into my college years, I managed to turn club meetings, sleepovers, friendships and intimate relationships into my own impromptu therapy sessions. Anything to avoid the stigma of actually seeking professional help! When I introduced myself to a circle of new friends, somehow unsolicited emotional clutter would always spill out with it. Sometimes my friends were halfway decent at playing Freud, but very often, they were so mired in their own messy lives that my problems just exhausted them.

In high school, my best friend was a white girl named Siobhan. She told me about her therapist. How much her therapist listened to her. How much her therapist loved her. I wanted a therapist to listen to me and love me too. But I didn’t have $50 an hour to pay for that kind of love. Instead, I settled for casually asking for help from friends who would jokingly dismiss me with: “You’re a crazy weirdo, Kristina Wong.”

Being called a “crazy weirdo” was enough for me to not show signs of weakness again. So I’d call out other people as “crazy.” I decided that as long as I could call somebody else crazy, I was doing just fine. Siobhan didn’t seem to care that one day she would be found out as crazy and never get hired for a job. Somehow, she passed off her crazy as cool. In fact, she relished in being “the bad girl with the shrink.” I think Siobhan fed off the energy of everyone thinking she was the so bad she needed help. Being handed the brand of “bad girl” was easier than trying to carve out her own identity.

In retrospect, it may not have even been that I was actually clinically depressed. I think I was just very isolated in a predominantly Chinese American community that shunned ever talking about anything that might be going wrong. My family was so insistent that I project only the best that during car rides en route to family engagements, my parents prepped me with which highlights of my life to talk about with the rest of our family. It was as if I was a political candidate being prepped for a campaign speech. Except, the people voting for me were from my own family.

I was constantly being introduced by my accomplishments (“This is Kristina, she wins trophies and has a perfect GPA”). This confirmed that the only value I had to the world was my net worth. I was never introduced as who I was… because who was I but my accomplishments? I was living in a fictitious world where the only life worth living seemed to be the one that moved along a specific storyline of success. Simply, I was a living cliché of Asian American teenhood: Get good grades, go to the best college, go to the best med school, marry a Chinese doctor, buy the biggest house on the block, and then have Chinese doctor babies.

Supposedly, after that storyline was complete, I would be successful. And successful would equate happiness. Nevermind how unhappy the whole journey was because how could a six figure income and a Chinese doctor husband not make anyone happy? Right? Right?! Nobody talked about what would happen if I diverged from this storyline, but I could only imagine the worst…. Poverty! Obscurity! A single woman surrounded by cats! I lived in so much fear of failure and struggled to both meet an unrealistic prescription of success. I’d break down crying over the unwritten fate that lay ahead if I failed my parents’ expectations. The misery was becoming undeniable even in high school. I went to a Catholic all-girls school in San Francisco. At the start of religion class, we could go around and set an intention for prayer. Girls would pray for relatives dying of cancer or the victims of the Oklahoma City bombing. I’d pray for God to bring me the same thing in rain or shine: “Please God, help the babies dying of cancer and whatever, but especially help me ace that Trig test!”

Photo credit: Corky Lee

Now I’m a grown woman and I’ve learned that having a liberal arts degree does not cause you to self-destruct the moment you graduate. And as evidenced by many of my fellow Asian Americans thriving in a whole range of professions, there is indeed, life outside of medical school. And no, you won’t get fired from your job for having gone to therapy at 12, 32 or 65. In fact, I’ve learned you can actually make a career out of addressing the crazy that nobody will talk about in graphic detail. I am now gainfully self-employed as a solo performer and writer. I tour the country and make a living talking about all the things I never got to talk about as a kid, in front of packed audiences.

It is no cake life to make a living as a performer and writer. I keep late hours, often wonder where my next paycheck is coming from, and I have an extremely difficult time assuring the people I am dating that they will not be part of my shows.

I implode… on stage, and people pay to see it. For the most part, unlike implosions in real life, I can put myself back together again. My show Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest addresses the stigma and shame around depression and suicide among Asian American women. Asian American women have some of the highest rates of depression and suicide in this country. It’s the kind of factoid that simultaneously shocks some and seems intimately right to others.

In the show, I critique the insanely unrealistic pressures some Asian American women have to please everyone and the dangerous cultural pressure to hide that anything is going wrong. In the show I use the “Dramatic arc of Fiction” to critique the fictitious lives women like me were expected to live out. It’s been a wonderful poetic justice to take a whole lifetime of angst and confusion and find a way to channel it into something creative.

In my talking to women about their depression and getting audience feedback after my shows, I didn’t anticipate how many women would “out” themselves as depressed and suicidal. Nor did I anticipate that so many of these women would be the women I thought least likely to show their vulnerability. They were professors, professionals, and community leaders. Where were these emotionally open women in high school? Would our lives have been less depressing if we knew we each other more honestly? What if we could have been so vulnerable with each other? Would this problem even persist?

Kristina Wong is a solo writer and performer who will never write a show about suicide and depression ever again. She is still however, touring Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, which four years later, she loves as much as the therapist she never had. The concert film version of the show is available on DVD for schools and libraries. Purchase inquiries on that are available at http://www.flyingwong.com

We’ve been giving a ton of love to Tuesday Night Cafe recently for good reason– it’s awesome! TN Project is so awesome that they’re giving some lucky 8Asians reader a free pair of tickets away to their biggest event of the year– the TN Party!

I mean, the TN Party is a fundraiser, and considering how many amazing performers will be there — not to mention the fact that all the cool kids will be there — everyone should be willing to shell out the few bucks ($15-20) it costs to go! Remember: today (Tuesday @11:59pm) is last day for presale tickets for $15! So be an early-bird and buy your tickets now or just show up at the door with your Andrew Jackson in hand. (Students/seniors can show up and pay $15 at the door. Kids 12 and under are free!)

The TN Party will support the Tuesday Night Project — a hidden L.A. gem celebrating its 12th year of free multidisciplinary arts programming in Downtown Los Angeles. Since 1999, their flagship series, the “1st & 3rd Tuesday Night Cafe,” has presented a variety of Asian American and Los Angeles artists performing music, poetry, visual art, comedy improv, short films, and performance art.

Here are the logistical deets, but check out the program at the TN Party page:
TN PARTY
Date: Saturday, July 31st
Time: 5pm-11pm
Location: JACCC Plaza in Little Tokyo — 244 South San Pedro Street (Between 2nd and 3rd street) Los Angeles, CA 90012

So do you think you’re lucky enough to win these tickets?!

What you could win from Tuesday Night Project and 8Asians:
A free pair of tickets for TN Party on July 31, 2010!

How do you enter?
All you have to do is to leave a comment saying why you want to go and ONE lucky winner will be selected to go!

What’s the deadline?
Ha ha! I’m not telling you! So enter now! The giveaway will be over when the winner is picked/announced! This could happen at any time!

Rules for entering:
1) Please be serious about using the tickets– unused free tix suck!
2) Contributors to 8Asians and their immediate family members are not eligible to win.

Prize courtesy of: Tuesday Night Project and 8Asians.

Special thanks to Traci, Mary Rose, and Quincy.

Seo began dancing in Korea at the Sun-hwa Arts Middle School, then made her way to the States to finish her training and became a professional dancer.

Joining Japanese ballet dancer Yuriko Kajiya in the soloist rank,I like this recent trend of ABT’s Asian dancers that are being promoted, so best of luck to them. Next in line? I put my money on Chinese ballerina Zhong Jing Fang.

It’s the 12th annual benefit party for Tuesday Night Project! (For those of you who don’t know what Tuesday Night Project is, please check out my earlier post about them).

It’s taking place July 31st Saturday 5-11pm at the JACCC Plaza in Little Tokyo. For this party, there’s a tremendous lineup of performers, guest emcees, artisan vendors, live painters, as well as food from The Park’s Finest and Good Girl Dinette, music, dancing, and a whole lot of fun. You can buy your tickets here in advance for $15 Presale/Students/Seniors (presale ends Tuesday, July 27th at 11:59pm, so get your tickets early!), $20 General Admission at the door, and for all the young folks who are 12 and under, admission is free!

Find out more about the line-up and more after the cut.

The TNP Party schedule includes:

5pm-6:30pm FAMILY TIME

• Mista Cookie Jar
• Progressive Taiko
• Freedom Sounds (Korean poongmul drumming)

6:30pm – 9:30pm PERFORMANCES by:

• Antoine Diel
• Bambu
• SueJin w/ Jenny San Angel
• Rocky Rivera & DJ Roza
• Durwood (Golda Inquito & Gertie Meza) & Applesauce (David Tran)
• Dawen
• Lee Takasugi
• Harlem Lee

9:30pm – 11:00pm DJs and DANCING!!

Guest emcees include:

• Alden Villaverde
• Greg Watanabe
• Keiko Agena
• Kennedy Kabasares
• Kristina Wong

Artisan Vendors include:

• Blacklava
• Beatrock
• Koko Candles
• Mango Pop
• By Belinda
• Los Switcheros
• John Reinert Cardboard Furnishings

Live Painters feature:

• Alfie Numeric
• Ann Matsushima
• Alex Chiu
• Yumi Sakugawa

There will also be the Video-Collider curated by Visual Communications (2 hours worth of 60-sec videos submitted by film/video-makers from as far as Berlin!) to mash-up with the magnificent sounds provided by DJ ANT, DJ Pomade, and DJ Waxstyles!

I haven’t even touched on the sponsors and honorary host committee members but judging from the amazing line-up, this is going to be a epic event of epic epicness. Each and every single one of the performers mentioned are amazing not because they are incredibly talented in their art but because they are simply good folks who are politically conscious about the world around them and caring about their community. For example, Bambu is an incredibly strong cultural worker through his music and his work with youth in Watts and beyond. He’s got a big following in LA (and beyond) and he’s a great focus. Sue Jin is a wonderful singer/songwriter who’s very passionate about being a voice of support and connection to womyn and young people. Da Wen is a smooth R&B musician who infuses his amazing voice and music with strong resilient messages of empowerment.

Why is TNP raising money for the annual benefit?

1. To keep the “1st&3rd Tuesday Night Cafe” series FREE!
   The event has costs for sound engineering, video archiving, coordinating-intern stipends and feeding the artists & crew!
2. They need NEW EQUIPMENT!
   Have you seen their light trees? Or their cables? Or the sometimes flaky live-stream? If you have, you know why they need equipment support!
3. The CONNECTOR PROJECT!
   You’ll hear more about this over the next 3 years, but it’s a big mapping/internet-resource-directory/community-connecting project.

If you’re still here reading this, go out and get your tickets pronto! You will not have a more spectacular night than what TNP will provide you, whether you are old or new members to the community. Come be a part of something truly amazing!

While most will laugh at his self-deprecating stories of being called names, being the only Asian in his school, and the anger he felt at the school bullies, to me the true telling moment and the one I related most was the end of of the story, where he says it took him “25 more years to become Master Lee.” Growing up on the East coast, in my case, Eastern Long Island, I experienced similar taunts, name calling, and the inevitable status as the only Asian in the school.

I too avoided some of the name calling and threats after the introduction of Bruce Lee and received the inevitable “Do you know kung fu?” questions. I can also say I had my doubts about being Chinese or even affiliated with being Chinese when I was younger. But now, firmly in forties, I can easily say I too am master of who I am, fully confident in my identity. I just can’t believe it took me this long to get here. Thanks Master Lee for a look back at where I’ve been and a chance to reflect on how far I’ve come.

h/t: Koji

If you happened to watch the Asian Community Fund (APCF) PSA posted last week, you’ll notice a fresh new face in that video.  Connie Lim is one of LA’s best kept secrets, but hopefully not for long. Influenced by artists like Imogen Heap, Zero7, Feist, Morcheeba, Portishead, Natalie Merchant, Nina Simone and Bill Withers, Lim has created a different musical genre of what she calls “retrotronica”: a blend of old school songwriting and electronic sentiment.

Her highly anticipated EP, The Hunted, is a heart-felt anthem for the so-called underdogs and outcasts. As a treat to her adoring fans and followers, Connie has dropped her 7-track album exclusively available for digital download on CD Baby just a few days before the official release of her album. The Hunted CD release party is set to go down Saturday, July 17 at the Hotel Cafe in Hollywood, so if you’re in the Los Angeles area and want to check some great local acts, visit her Facebook event page and RSVP.

The video posted above will take you through some of her thoughts and processes behind the making of her second album.  Connie’s segment also is accompanied with a spiritual and upbeat live performance of her title track with her house band, The Forrest Philosophy.

DIRECTOR’S NOTE: When we were in high school, I always had this feeling that Connie was going to pursue some sort of career in music. Just to give you a feel for how naturally gifted she was, Connie had won several composition awards throughout high school and then she went on to join a very popular A cappella group at UC Berkeley called the Golden Overtones. Since the release of her very first EP titled Shifting, Connie has continued to dedicate most of her time into improving the quality and sound of her latest album.  I had an interesting discussion with her a while back, so if you want a more in-depth background, you can check it out here.

For more information about Connie and her upcoming tour schedule, please visit her official website and her Facebook page.

Fifteen years ago in El Monte, California, law enforcement officials discovered 72 Thai nationals confined in an apartment complex ringed with barbed wire, lured to this country with promises of achieving the American dream. Under conditions of forced labor and slavery, some of the victims had been confined for as long as seven years. A seven-member Thai family led by a ringleader known as the notorious “Aunt Suni” was apprehended at the scene. The story made national and international headlines as the first case of modern-day slavery since the abolishment of slavery in the United States.

Written by Los Angeles playwright, Henry Ong, “Fabric” is the only known dramatization of the 1995 Thai garment workers’ slavery case. Company of Angels, Los Angeles’ oldest professional non-profit theater company, in association with the Thai Community Development Center (CDC), opened “Fabric” to sold-out audiences and standing ovations this past weekend.

Fabric is presented by Company of Angels, inside the Black Box at The Alexandria, 501 S. Spring Street, Downtown Los Angeles, and will run through August 8. Performances are on Fridays and Saturdays at 8 p.m., and Sundays at 4:30 p.m. Tickets at $20 can be purchased at www.companyofangels.org.

Founded in 1959 as an artists’ cooperative, Company of Angels recently celebrated its 50th anniversary, making it the oldest non-profit professional theater in Los Angeles. The theater produces works that reflect the diversity of Los Angeles and the issues the City faces.

Thai CDC was founded in 1994, one year before the El Monte slavery case, with a mission to advance the social and economic well being of low and moderate income Thais and other ethnic communities in the Greater Los Angeles. The issues of human trafficking and slavery are an integral part of Thai CDC’s work as a majority of trafficking cases involve Thai nationals.

FABRIC
by Henry Ong

Co-Directors: Marlene Forte and Tchia Casselle
Produced by Kila Kitu, Joyce Liu, Henry Ong & Deborah Geer
Assoc. Produced by Gregory Gately
Starring: *Jennifer Chang, *Feodor Chin, Jolene Kim, *Dian Kobayashi, Jully Lee, Rudy Marquez, *P.J. Marshall, Eddie Mui, *Diana Toshiko, Ben Wang, *Jeff Watson, *Andy Hamrick
*Member of Actors Equity Association

JULY 8 – AUGUST 8, 2010
Friday, Saturday, 8pm; Sunday, 4:30pm
$20 General
$12 Students & Seniors
Box Office: (213) 489-3703 / info@companyofangels.org

Lighting Design: Christopher Singleton
Sound Designer: Dennis Yen
Stage Manager: Amelia Worfolk
Set Design: Luis Delgado

Location:
Company of Angels
inside The Black Box at The Alexandria
501 S. Spring Street
Los Angeles, CA 90013

Want to check it out, L.A. folks?

What you could win from Company of Angels and 8Asians:
A free pair of tickets for any show in the run (except for sold-out shows) in LA!

How do you enter?
All you have to do is to leave a comment saying why you want to see this production and ONE lucky winner will be selected to go!

Hurry, the deadline to enter is: Thursday, July 15 at 11:59pm (Pacific Time)
ONE lucky winner will be selected and notified directly.

Rules for entering:
1) Please be serious about using the tickets– unused free tix suck!
2) Contributors to 8Asians and their immediate family members are not eligible to win.

Prize courtesy of: Company of Angels and 8Asians.

Special thanks to producer Joyce F. Liu

Such a place DOES exist and it’s called Tuesday Night Project!

Founded in 1999 by Traci Kato-Kiriyama, the TNP is home to the 1st & 3rd Tuesday Night Cafe series, a venue that I have been able to experience since moving to Los Angeles over 5 months ago. I’ve gone to several since then and each time, I have always been blown away by the quality of the performances and the open mic performances from those who you could totally see them becoming the next big thing. Hosted by a larger than life Johneric Concordia, there is always a vibrant energy that encapsulates every single Tuesday Night Cafe and that’s something I bring home with me as I grow only inspired from experiencing such energy.

Yesterday, TNP hosted Blogger’s Night and invited major APA blogs from the Los Angeles area to come out and see what the venue was all about. Koji Steven Sakai and I came out to represent for 8Asians and tonight’s performances featured Dawen, Brown Star, Room to Improv, Wells, and many more. Each of these artists were fantastic and I highly recommend checking them out whenever these guys perform in your area. I’m especially looking forward to Brown Star when they perform again in Los Angeles later this weekend.

While Tuesday Night Project has been able to perform their cafe concert series free for many years, they can only do so with generous love and support from the Los Angeles community, especially the Asian Pacific Americans in this city. Donations are always encouraged and speaking of which, TNP will be hosting their annual benefit on July 31st at the JACCC Plaza! You can check out the benefit event here.

The next Tuesday Night Cafe will be on July 20th and from then on, it will be the 1st and 3rd Wednesdays Tuesdays of every month until autumn. Be sure to come out and show some love to the hardworking staff of TNP and to the fantastic artists that come perform for no charge whatsoever. It’s a selfless act that not a lot of people do these days and it is one more reason why you should support Tuesday Night Project.