And for your musical interlude of the day, we bring you a group of accordion players from North Korea’s Kum Song School performing the 80′s hit, “Take On Me” by a-ha. (In case you were wondering, they’re still sobbing over the death of Kim Jong-Il on the inside.)

(Also, I didn’t know they listened to a-ha in North Korea. Did you?)

(And they have accordions there, too? Crazy.)

Ever since the “Shit Girls Say” video launched onto YouTube a month ago, the internet community took it as a chance to create every single commentary out there about a specific group of people that they would like to parody. While some have been clever like “Shit White Girls Say…to Black Girls” due to its ability to incorporate a true social commentary on racial dynamics, many others have been failures.

With the “Shit ____ Say” memes exploring every single group out there, it was only going to be a matter of time before it dealt with Asian folks. Here are the top 5 best of what I think to be hilarious, truthful (at least to me as an Asian), and overall, something worth watching midst a sea of these parody videos. Check them here after the jump:

1. Shit White Guys Say to Brown Guys

This video is probably my favorite simply because of #POOOONJABI.

2. Shit Asian Dads Say

JustKiddingFilms also created a sequel to this, “Shit Asian Moms Say,” but I liked this one better.

3. Shit White People Say to Asians

*There’s also “Shit White Girls Say to Asian Guys” which was also pretty good but a bit redundant since #3 covered most of it.

4. Shit White Girls Say to Brown (Desi/Indian) Girls

5. Shit Korean Girls Say (여자들이 많이 하는 말)

I have to make a comment with this one considering that it’s with a white guy and I know that might get some folks on edge. If you ever met native Korean girls, you KNOW a lot of this rings true to you. Plus, the dude’s command of the Korean language isn’t too shabby (I’ll be honest, it’s better than mine).

6. Shit White Guys Say… to Asian Girls (Parody of Shit Girls Say)

7. Shit Filipino Moms Say (Parody of Shit Girls Say)

Aaaaand here are some of the worst. These to me were unfunny, stupid, and a bit too broad if that can ever be said of these “Shit ___ Say” videos. Mind you, these are my personal takes on this so you could be LMAOing off the floor with the videos down below:

1. Shit Black Girls Say to Asian Girls
2. Shit Asian Girls Say
3. Shit Asian Chicks Say

I’m not quite sure what this short film is for, except that it’s the result of a sponsorship between Energizer batteries and Manikako, a Filipino non-profit organization that provides self-expression and an emotional outlet for underprivileged children through doll crafting. In this video, a robot finds love in a beautiful doll but learns what the ultimate sacrifice can be. Oh, and here’s a box of tissues.

To the white guy who tried to give me pointers on how to snag a white guy:

My professional obligation in the context at hand was to convince you to sign a contract that would fork over half a million dollars to my company and so I couldn’t say then any of what I am about to say now.

First, sit back, sailor, no even farther. Do you see what I am doing here with the gesturing? I am drawing a circle with a 10 foot radius around me. This is my personal space. Do not enter. We each have our own copies of the file. You do not need to crawl so close and peer over my shoulders. In fact, you probably shouldn’t. My hubby is a very big, brawny (Asian) man and you know those Asian men… they’ve got tempers… you wouldn’t want to incite his. Plus, he’s got youth on his side. You evidently do not. So don’t get zippy with me, old man.

No part of the conversation reasonably opened the course for your digression into how wonderful Asian women are, how wonderful white men are also, and how the two are perfect for each other. Adam and Ai-Ling, was your joke. I bet you were set out to bring it up. I could have said, “Pluto.” And you would have replied, “Yes, Pluto, you know that reminds me of Asian women and white men…”

You started in about Asian men first, yes, if I recall, that’s how it started. “Why are Asian women marrying out in staggering numbers? It’s because Asian men are so horrible to their women. They mistreat them. They neglect them. They don’t know how to make a woman happy.”

In the instant with no chance for aforethought, I didn’t know what else to say but a dull, contrived “now we’re just stereotyping.”

“That’s why every Asian woman I know is so desperate to snag a white guy, but for some reason they just can’t. They don’t know how. They’re shy, they’re more traditional, they don’t know how to talk to a white guy. Let me give you some pointers.”

Up to then, my strategy for dealing with you had been to be completely non-responsive to the shit you’d been saying.

Then you asked me, “Is your husband white or…”

I stopped you right there and said “he’s Asian” in the same tone one might say “fuck you.” But you didn’t have a clue. You said “oh.”

You paused before you went at it again, croaking on. Shall we summarize? Let’s see, you mentioned how high the divorce rate is in China, how easy divorces are to get over there, and you know why there are so many divorces in China? Because the Chinese men there don’t know how to take care of their women. And now these Chinese women divorcées. What are they to do? A Chinese man would never agree to marry a divorced woman! These Chinese women now have no choice but to marry a white guy. We white guys, we don’t care about things like that! We’re open-minded.

Oh, you mentioned something about Japanese men being short, so someone as tall as me (I’m not actually that tall, but you’re right, I’m taller than you) wouldn’t ever want a Japanese man. You asked whether my husband was tall. I said yes, a whole head taller than me. You said, “huh, that’s odd.” By the way, you urge, I really oughta visit Tokyo. Fascinating place. Lots of single Japanese women there, you said. You know why? You weren’t even really asking, you know. I didn’t say a thing and you jumped right on. Because they’re so intelligent and so beautiful that they can’t find any Japanese guys to match. My attention was on the wall clock. You realize this part of the conversation took 32 minutes, by itself, right?

Believe you me, I was on alert for any chance at all to reel the conversation back to business, but you kept yapping and yapping and yapping away. Every statement out of your mouth was even more incendiary than the one before. I bet you thought you were complimenting me, or at least the women from my race? We’re so intelligent. We’re so driven. We’re so beautiful. We’re so feminine. This segment of your drivel went on for about 15 minutes before you tied it back to white guys.

You: “So this Asian woman, she has a Ph.D., she’s stunning like a supermodel. She marries this white guy. A janitor! Can you believe it?”

Me: “How unfortunate for her.” Since unresponsiveness was failing miserably for me, I opted for a little subtle snark to your inane remarks. Oops. Too subtle. You missed it completely.

You: “No! You’re missing my point! He may be just a janitor, but he worships her! He treats her like a queen! He treats her better than any Asian guy ever could. It’s not about money. Asian women just want to be loved!”

Me: “No, we like the money.”

You forced a laugh, a big howl of a laugh. “You’re funny,” you said. Perhaps you don’t know Asian women as well as you think. Because, no, we really do like the money. I cast my eyes purposely down at the dotted line and slid the contract a little closer to you.

20 more minutes of rambling and then you told what you thought was a joke, I’ve already forgotten it now, but then you did one of those smiling sighs that people do after a laugh and before the last bit of air from that breath left you, I interjected. “Well then, shall we wrap up?”

I stormed out of there pissed off, but no, not at you, not directly. I was pissed at myself for not saying everything I wanted to say. I was pissed at my job, and at life for being put in that situation. I was pissed at the world and its injustices, because people like you will end up winning anyway. You will be the Adam to your Ai-Ling, not a clue in the world about the reality of interracial dynamics. You will be convinced until the day you die that you saved your Ai-Ling from a horrifying fate of being married to an Asian man. No one will ever be there to successfully refute you.

And to the 8A community, yeah, I know what I did here. I brought it up, IR. It was about time or something. The Asian Godwin strikes again. On a humorous note, one of the things that white guy said: “You know, people don’t talk about interracial dating between white men and Asian women enough.” To which I wanted to reply, “You obviously do not read 8A.”

Guess what? It’s time for your heart to melt over this adorable video: little Chloe discovers the train of people taking the escalator down at Copley Place Mall and is polite (and cute) enough to bid them adieu. I’m glad her parents are teaching her proper manners–and I’m also glad they’re filming every moment of it.

PS. For a second, I did mistake this Asian baby to be Koji’s boy because it’s true. They all look alike!

Usually when you take a cold, delicious bite of Pinkberry frozen yogurt, you don’t think about tire irons and homeless people. But maybe you will now, thanks to the latest news that the co-founder of the (still kinda) popular fro-yo chain, Young Lee, was recently arrested for some questionable behavior.

The LA Times is reporting that Lee was responsible for chasing down and beating up a homeless guy.

Young Lee was stopped at a light when he was approached by a transient seeking money, police said. Words were exchanged, and Lee and another man in the car chased the homeless man and “beat him down” with the tire iron, police Capt. Paul Vernon said…Detectives spent several months probing the case against Lee, who was in South Korea for part of that time.

Authorities aren’t reporting on how the victim fared after the attack, except that he definitely earned a lifetime supply of frozen yogurt.

I admit that I totally hopped on the Pinkberry bandwagon back in 2005, when I happened to be in a state of mind that circling the same block in West Hollywood for 30 minutes to find a parking space and then to stand in line for even longer just to eat an overpriced cup of tart frozen yogurt was totally okay. Then I read about how Pinkberry wasn’t even actually “frozen yogurt” and that legally making dairy products in the state of California required more than just secret ingredients. And didn’t the co-founders steal their idea from the original Red Mango?

Regardless of how Pinkberry conducts business (the Pinkberry website doesn’t list any affiliation with Lee) and what “frozen yogurt” really means, beating someone up with a tire iron sounds like a dick move. Also, ice cream rules.

UPDATE: The police are now reporting that the assault happened because Lee was offended by the victim’s tattoo:

The man was changing into a sweatshirt, revealing a sexually explicit tattoo, and Lee seemed to have viewed the tattoo as a suggestion of disrespect, a police official said. Lee rolled down his window and apparently got into an argument with the man, then parked on Vermont and left his car to confront him.

He then demanded an apology, which the man gave, but still chased him down and beat him up. Thanks to a witness calling 911, authorities were able to track down the license plate number, the car and Lee’s whereabouts. Ridiculous!

WARNING: Video above contains violent content and NSFW language.

This past weekend, there was footage released of a newly immigrated Chinese teen getting assaulted by seven others in Chicago. Some of them were even Asian Americans. From the video, it shows that the seventeen year old teen did not provoke this fight at all and was defenseless. All of this was an act of bullying. The punching and kicking continued even after the boy had said, “Please no more, don’t hit me anymore, please.”

This is the 21st century and one would think racial violence should not be occurring today. However, this video shows that some of us are still ignorant and feel the need to bully someone to demonstrate superiority. We wrote previously that APAs are more likely to be bullied and this is a prime example. The assailants also robbed $180 from the teen.

The bullies thought that the recording would be a good laugh and decided to post it up, but little did they know, they were the only ones who thought this was funny. The person who originally uploaded the video already took it down. It is still a mystery who recorded this disturbing and brutal video. Many people are outraged by this and they want those teens that attacked the Chinese American teen to take responsibility for the injuries they caused. So far, no one has been arrested but police have questioned six of the youths seen in the video.

People are claiming this assault to be an act of racial violence. However, something I do not fully comprehend is why Asian Americans were also involved in attacking the young teen. Have we come to an age when we also draw a distinction between Asian Americans and Asian immigrants?

Let’s watch, shall we?

Joz: Is this supposed to be cute? Funny? Out of curiosity, would people think it’s cute to dress their babies up like Hitler? Or Mussolini? I remember last year, a Danish artist caused waves when she dressed her baby like Hitler & other “evil despots” but hers was an exploration of evil.

Moye: I think it’s funny and cute. Mostly because it made me realize how much Kim Jong-il DID look like a fat baby.

Moye’s right, you know: Kim Jong Il did kinda have that fat baby look about him. Sure, a fat baby that imprisoned generations of families and had live lobsters shipped to him as when riding in trains through Siberia, but a fat baby nonetheless. What do you think?

(Hat tip: Brian R.)