Do you only date Chinese people? Are you a Chinese-ist? gasp!
Then you’ll probably want to attend Third Thursday’s upcoming discussion, “I only date Chinese“, on February 15th (this week!) in San Francisco. (Apologies to all those not in San Francisco… which is probably most of you…)
Third Thursdays is a “monthly dinner series for people in the nonprofit, for-profit, and government sectors interested in Asian American & Pacific Islander (AA&PI) community issues and service opportunities.” They are an all-volunteer organization that meets, well, every third Thursday of each month in San Francisco or Berkeley. Eight Asian Americans, from both non-profit and for-profit backgrounds, started this in the spring of 2000, and it’s been a way for people to stay active and socialize within the AA&PI community. (Disclaimer: A friend of mine is one of their organizers.)
What they’re going to discuss in this event:
If you say you only date Chinese, you might be going for the largest pool, trying to appease your parents, or just a bit narrow-minded.
This month, we look at what’s often considered the next most acceptable option, inter-ethnic Asian relationships. We’ll talk about why, what, and leave out most of the how. Join us for some perspective.
They have two panelists: Wei Ming Dariotis, Assistant Professor of Asian American Studies at SFSU, andFrederick Y. Huang, M.D., a psychotherapist & general adult psychiatrist. The dinner is free, though donations are welcomed.
Okay, enough of the pitch. Do *I* only date Chinese, you ask?
Nah. I’m an EOD: Equal Opportunity Dater.
I have friends who are less diverse in their preferences though. One Taiwanese friend only dates Taiwanese guys. Or - to be honest - Asian Americans. It’s her parents who want her to only date Taiwanese. So she tends to seek out Taiwanese too. And, I suspect, that’s the case with many Asian Americans (and Asian Canadians, of course, sorry Christine, didn’t mean to forget you). Parental pressures can be tough.
But then there’s the friend who does only date Chinese. In her opinion, she wants a guy who can speak the same language (Chinglish), so she can teach her kids Chinese and English. It’s not about parental pressures for her, it’s about fostering a common sense of identity for her children - that identity being Chinese American.
Is that being narrow-minded? Or culturally sensitive? Or just realistic?
And how about you? Who do you date?
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susan wrote:
I don’t date anymore (I’ve been married for 18 years. I’m ancient). But I think about this question. I had a rather intensely unsavory experience with an Asian-American guy (from my CHURCH, no less) when I was 13. I steered way clear after that; I was kind of phobic. I met my husband (who is white) in my mid 20s, we got married, and here we are. I love him. But I often wonder about the Asian-American identity slipping away from our family through the generations, if our daughters end up not being with Asian-American partners either.
Posted on 13-Feb-07 at 10:16 am | Permalink
Hiren P. wrote:
I’ve dated a lot of different girls from different backgrounds but it has always been a struggle. My parents are immigrants from India to the U.S. and so they don’t understand that people date out of their race. I have come into line with them too in the sense that I do now date more Indian people. The pressure to preserve my traditions and culture may be a bit too much for me to marry someone out of my race.
Posted on 13-Feb-07 at 11:20 am | Permalink
Christine wrote:
Thanks for remembering me Mike. S’ok, I do tend to date Asian-North Americans … you read right … on both sides of the border, baby! Let’s just say, I was an EOD, then I realized I wanted to start a family. It’s already hard merging two lives together and the way I see it, for my partner to not understand or know the nuances within the culture, no matter how much they try or are well intentioned, is one hurdle I’m not willing to deal with - but for someone like my sister, whose Italian boyfriend loves her dearly and my cousin whose wife and 4 children of Chinese-Filipino-Irish descent, that sort of thing doesn’t matter that much. And that’s ok for them.
Posted on 13-Feb-07 at 3:20 pm | Permalink
Mike wrote:
I once dated a Chinese American girl who, after being scarred by an abusive Chinese American boyfriend, hadn’t dated Asian Americans for years.
Later, she changed her view because she wanted a family with a “strong, common Chinese culture.” Her family also pressured her in this direction.
For me, while I’m an EOD, I do have a preference for girls with somewhat of a similar culture. i.e. I have more in common with Americans (from America) than Asians (from Asia). I look more for strong, common values rather than a strong, common culture. (I’m guessing for some, that’s the same thing though.)
Posted on 15-Feb-07 at 12:45 pm | Permalink