8 Asians

30 Comments to “Our Child Only Speaks English and It’s Not Okay”

• Kim wrote:

  Hey Tim,

  I sympathize—its a huge challenge, but Mandarin is so important—it must be obvious to all here at least, (even if most of America still has its head in the sand)—that Mandarin is the most important language to learn in this century.

  I’m white, my daughters were adopted from China– Mandarin or a variation were their first languages—but they unfortunately lost it since it wasn’t spoken in my house at the time. Fortunately, it is offered k-12 as 1/2 day immersion in one program of Portland Public Schools, so they have relearned quite a bit, both oral and written. The biggest deal, I think is to return to China from time to time so that they see—and can apply—the utility of what they are learning, since there is always the social pressure in public school—that foreign speaking is: ’so uncool’ —although that pressure is not great here in Portland—middle school girls (my daughters) are a bundle of insecurity. I tell them to just cuss out the perps in Mandarin and walk away—which is very effective since the perps don’t understand, but the other Chinese break up laughing…

  Anyway, maybe you can find a Mandarin immersion program beginning in kindergarten —its certainly not too late to start at that point.

  Posted on 13-Feb-09 at 12:02 pm | Permalink

• Edna wrote:

  I’ve read the cut-off age for picking up languages easily is around 11-12. I spent one summer living with my aunt in China when I was 8, and by the end of my stay I could at least understand what people were saying, even if I couldn’t make brilliant sentences myself. Most of the vocab has actually stuck with me today, and I’m now 19.

  I have to add that It makes me sad to see my little sister, who didn’t go to China as often as me, know only English and look so lost when she hears my parents or family friends conversing in Chinese.

  Posted on 13-Feb-09 at 1:06 pm | Permalink

• Jeff wrote:

  Tim, have you considered any of the many Chinese schools in our area? With Mandarin and Vietnamese, you have the luxury of having many choices available, unlike with Tagalog. There are some Chinese language oriented pre-schools around too.

  Posted on 13-Feb-09 at 2:32 pm | Permalink

• Tim wrote:

  @Jeff: We have considered it, but we’ve chosen not to pull our daughter out of her pre-school, since it took her so long to get acclimated. We’re just not ready to have to turn her world upside down again. It took almost a month of drop-offs where she was left crying before she was comfortable, I don’t think we can handle that again so soon.

  Posted on 13-Feb-09 at 3:07 pm | Permalink

• tien wrote:

  Great post, agree with everything you say especially about the blog you link to..BUT, can we please, please drop the word “Caucasian”? The author of the post uses it too, and I don’t understand why that word exists in lieu of “white”.

  I’ve never once heard a white person refer to anyone else as a Caucasian, and just is a major pet peeve of mine when that word is used..similar to “AFrican-American” rather than black.

  Posted on 13-Feb-09 at 3:30 pm | Permalink

• Ed wrote:

  I love this topic and I would strongly encourage every Chinese that it is extremely important to learn Chinese especially if they are Chinese.

  This is my point of view so it can be wrong or right but it’s what I learned for myself.

  Firstly to understand this better, let’s try to determine why why we don’t think about raising our child on Chinese here in the west. I don’t expect many westerners or asian western-mind-like people to understand this, maybe it’s comfort zone thing or too demanding.

  But we may not be raised to know the importance and values in our ethnic identity because we were all deprived of it, not many of use saw much Chinese texts, art, music or anything like that other then watching our parents. If we did we would all value it more and do something to keep it.

  In my experience and observation, most asian people around me and most of our parents all moved to western countries because they lacked faith in their native country and political stability. So evidently that mentality admittedly demonstrates a certain degree of western admiration as being better etc (similarly leading to a degree of self racist and inferiority too).

  But my point is not to criticize our parents or kill ourselves over it because they made their judgments in their time accordingly to their situation and their economical outlook for the future (yes we will have our turn too)

  But here is how assess myself and my future generations:

  1. The world is changing and we want all the opportunities to be available to our child so they can live and work anywhere in the world, be in it for the better job or country.

  2. I could also bring forth the point that learning our native language would be the best bridge built to let an individual stay connected with their culture. Think about the learning potential of having more than one source of education, media, music that is made accessible to a person that has knowledge of that native language.

  This would largely impact on their personality, tastes, thoughts and would allow them to cultivate into a more enriched character.

  3. English alone is not enough in the bigger world and tends to isolate us from a lot of things. Being monolingual severely limits us to exposure to different things and therefore we lack the capacity for diversity and the ability to develop in alternative aspects.

  4. For political reasons as example would be we would fall blind to a very 1 sided viewpoint on everything on a global scope.

  5. I have learned many things through traveling around the world and I realized that as a child I was raised blind to so many learning experiences.

  6. I would make sure that I raise my child strongly on our Chinese language and cultural roots because if you think about it, in a western country your child is bound to speak English more and their English will eventually become more developed than their Chinese since it is practiced more frequently.

  7. I admit my vocab is very limited as an overseas Chinese.

  8. I would encourage to expose their kids to their culture and language more at a young age, for self esteem issues so they don’t grow up hating themselves or suffer identity problems. Mainstream society does not cater to ethnic minorities so no matter how hard we try to blend, there is this hidden social stigma they makes us suffer.

  9. English is enforced by government and corporations in mainstream society and that is the agent or catalyst for racial assimilation into the very narrow cultured society.

  10. Lastly, there are so many cross cultural components that exists in one cultural context and not in another and for this reason it is better to know both languages and cultures to be given that ability to think in more mindsets.

  11. Let’s not forget all the great minds and inventions did not come from one culture or people, it came from many. Many of the most useful inventions came from China China too.

  12. Lastly, the odds of a having a half baby growing up in a western country stands on the slimmest chance of keeping anything.

  13. Realistically speaking in a typical world, people are superficial and only think about themselves and their happiness.

  Many people would not have much value or regards to anything else concerning their future generations or ethnicity for that matter.

  There more but after considering all this, it still comes down to choice.
  Do we really have one? is it hard work? or do we just wing it and hope for happiness like most people?

  The funny thing is after working out all of these things especially being a super white washed asian whose parents loved the west, I now had to put my own brain under a massive reform and make it more asian friendly!

  XD

  Posted on 13-Feb-09 at 4:09 pm | Permalink

• Ed wrote:

  Tien the word ‘white’ sets negatively draws a preset of an inequal social structure. Whether we use it or not doesn’t matter, it’s what western society is built on.
  Talking about race is not necessarily bad thing but applying racism in a ill way does matter.

  We can’t just pretend to be colorblind liberals, that would be ignorant and not addressing the issue. It’s to do with the way people attach meaning to the words and how it was used. I’ve always consider the word ‘Caucasian’ to be taken more neutral. It’s similar to the generalized term for ‘asian’.

  However, refraining from using race when it’s an irrelevant factor is what I would agree with.

  Posted on 13-Feb-09 at 4:27 pm | Permalink

• Keisha Kornbread wrote:

  I am Black & Filipino and my worst regret and biggest desire is to learn Tagalog. My dad didn’t want my mom to teach us tagalog because he didn’t want us to be confused so we grew up speaking english. My brother was born and raised in the Philippines until he was five years old and only spoke tagalog. He can’t speak a lick of it now at 34.

  My mother passed away this past summer, We take yearly trips back home to the Philippines which will be more difficult since none of us here speak tagalog. I’ve always felt that knowing the language somehow linked us all and I fell I have really missed out. I want to be a part of that culture since it’s a part of me, but I can’t speak the language so there’s a disconnect. We’re still family, but with me being an outsider, sometimes I am left feeling like a stranger. People underestimate the importance of being bilingual when you’re mixed.

  Posted on 13-Feb-09 at 4:34 pm | Permalink

• Daniel wrote:

  I sort of wished my Mandarin was a little better. I’m 25 now but also went to these Sat. Schools (well, my parents had a private tutor for almost 4 years since I was 11 too). Today, I could only comprehend just Cantonese, pre-school Mandarin and simple Chinese sentences.

  Knowing the same language sort of does make any relationship more intimate and teh bonds are stronger because it brings out so much meaning…it sort of is hard to explained but I think any person who grew up in a billingual household can understand this.

  It feels weird to write this, but in addition to the obvious reasons to learn Chinese along with Ed’s list, I think it would be very helpful for people around the world to learn something about this language/culture (it interlinks sometimes). Even if it’s just an ounce of knowledge.

  There’s so much wisdom to learn from it, not just form the literature of the Ancients and modern period, but also from life stories of people if you could communicate with them. Not just in Asia, but so many success stories and sad stories in the global Chinese diaspora, sometimes in disportionate to their numbers.

  If people could grasp just 1/10 of all that knowledge, they too will develop feelings of awe, respect and fear…basically developed a very strong belief in humanity and it’s potential.
  A lot of Chinese themselves have forgetten or don’t know much of that wisdom and life experiences so it wouldn’t be a surprise if they have sentiments like how Ed describes some of our parents and peers from Asia that immigrated elsewhere.

  A lot of times, people have to look beyond the superficial layer and read between the lines. I bet there’s a lot to learn from if I knew some Tagalog, Spanish, Russian, Arabic, Yiddish, Hindi….etc. etc. etc.

  Posted on 13-Feb-09 at 6:27 pm | Permalink

• Korea Is #1 wrote:

  I don’t get why people say “Speaking Chinese”…when it’s also pointed out that there are many people from China who speak a wide variety of different dialects. If someone says “Chinese” should we automatically assume that they are speaking Mandarin? If that’s the case then I guess I understand why some people from Hong Kong don’t want to be affiliated with anything Chinese. It is kind of ironic that Taiwanese don’t want to affiliate with themselves as Chinese, but I wonder if you go up to them and ask “Do you speak Chinese?” would they acknowledge the fact that they speak “Chinese” or they speak “Mandarin” or would just respond “I am not a Chinese, I am Taiwanese!”. Interesting stuff.

  I think being able to speak multiple languages/dialects is always beneficial. However, I think there’s another side to the story that isn’t always talked about. The fact that there are also people who are seen as not “insert whatever ethnicity/language that family of your heritage speaks here” in the most positive of spotlights because they don’t speak that certain language/dialect.

  For example, I have met many Filipino-Americans friends who say they are looked down upon because they don’t speak Tagalog. Same goes with other Asian-Americans, whether it’s Koreans…Chinese…Vietnamese…etc. Then there’s that issue that Asian-Americans aren’t good enough to teach English in certain Asian countries, when they are bilingual which would one could assume would be a better transition.

  For the people who are bilingual or multilingual, do you ever feel that perhaps you can also help pass on those traditions and cultures, including helpomg improve others understanding of the language/dialect? I mean I guess you can also include how some Spanish speakers will correct you right away if you mispronounce the words (Russell Peters Joke).

  Posted on 13-Feb-09 at 7:21 pm | Permalink

• stan wrote:

  This topic always comes up whenever I talk about growing up experiences with my friends. Growing up mostly in Puerto Rico, my first languages growing up were Spanish and Cantonese. When I got sent to Singapore to study for a few years, I was discouraged from speaking Cantonese and had to pick up Mandarin and I worked on English to be my main tongue.

  Today, I feel fortunate that I can still speak in Spanish and Mandarin, though my Cantonese has suffered from lack of practice. My father’s side of the family converse in mostly Spanish and Cantonese, while my mother’s side has been in Mandarin and English. (They actually speak Hokkien and Indonesian as their main languages, but my fragile mind couldn’t handle it.) My youngest sister, who just turned 14, grew up mostly in Puerto Rico, but kept English as her preferred language thanks to cable television and her English-speaking school. We would talk to her in Spanish sometimes, but she would only reply in English. After moving our family to Atlanta, we enrolled her in Mandarin classes at the local Taiwanese community center, just so she could learn how to speak and write some Chinese. She’s learning, but I don’t think she would be able to use it on a regular basis. When trying to drive a point home with her, I still speak in Spanish.

  As for my future children, I definitely want to make bilingualism the goal for them, with at least English and Spanish. My goal is a bit self-serving, as I definitely want to be able to shout out their names in the house in Spanish (Enrique! Javier!). As for learning Chinese, be it Mandarin or Cantonese, it would depend on my partner’s wishes too. Learning Mandarin was definitely hard for me, and I would rather have them learn the importance of their heritages, with the language learning not necessarily a necessity.

  Posted on 13-Feb-09 at 7:23 pm | Permalink

• Korea Is #1 wrote:

  Tim,

  I’m not sure what kind of schools and classes that are offered around you area, but I know that some programs are also offered through churches or classes that are once a week (usually on Saturday or Sunday). I think there are many different ways you can expose your child to the Chinese culture, if you really wanted too. In my opinion, she doesn’t necessarily need to be fluent in able to connect to the family.

  What you could do is possible teaching her the basics, so she can understand conversations in Mandarin/whatever other dialect your family speaks. You can expose her to entertainment, such as music…movies…comics…etc. I know a few non-Korean teeny boppers who have picked up on Korean and not even once taken any formal classes in Korean. If she has friends at school who speak the same language/dialect then it’s even better so she might want to learn and research it as well. Some kids do not respond well if they feel they are forced to learn the culture/language, similar to religion.

  There are a lot of options out there, it just depends on how far you want to go with it.

  Posted on 13-Feb-09 at 7:30 pm | Permalink

• Tim wrote:

  @KoreaIs#1: Yes, we’re talking about putting her in a Saturday class when she turns 4 (the youngest they’ll take), but I’m worried about that since I took a Saturday class and it really didn’t help my Mandarin. I’ve gone to the drastic thought of looking for a job in Taiwan or China somewhere to make sure she gets immersed, but it’s unlikely right now.

  Posted on 13-Feb-09 at 8:32 pm | Permalink

• Tim wrote:

  @tien: I use Caucasian, mostly because I’m trying to be politically correct. Plus when you write, you’re supposed to lowercase “white”, but uppercase “Asian”, so if you use “Caucasian” it looks more consistent, same goes with “black” and “African-American”. So in addition to being politically correct, it’s also a stylistic issue.

  Posted on 13-Feb-09 at 8:36 pm | Permalink

• jun wrote:

  @ Tim
  when I was growing up my parents forced me into Korean language after school for almost 18 hours a week for about 4 years, starting when I was 10.

  I HATED IT… i hated the fact that while my friends were outside playing, that I was stuck inside learning a language that I probably would never use… the only time I ever used Korean was to my parents. because of that I could speak fluently, but I could not read or write in Korean… I had no Korean friends nor did I have any family members besides my parents… So after 4 years I finally convinced my parents to stop sending to to Korean school.

  Looking back on it, those 4 years were EXTREMELY precious and I wish my parents put their foot down harder and continued to send to Korean school. The ability to speak, read, and write in my native language is a blessing that I have only recently realized, while going to college…

  What I realized, later in life, is that I was not learning how to be BI-LINGUAL but BI-CULTURAL. What you gain with the ability to speak, read, and write another language is the ability to dive into a whole another culture, which opens up other worlds of culture, poetry, music, philosophy…. the list goes on and on… if your daughter were to learn the Chinese language (mandarin etc), she would be also learning what it is to be CHINESE…

  I cant be anymore grateful to my parents than i am for, at that time, force feeding Korean down my throat.

  Send her to Chinese school Tim, force it if you have too, even if she is bitter and cries about it till the cows come home, when she enters her young adulthood she will be eternally grateful.

  Posted on 13-Feb-09 at 9:37 pm | Permalink

• kim wrote:

  Ed, really a great post.. Even though I’m white —and I really dn’t care how anyone addresses that, caucasian is fine too, these are non-issues, as is if a white girl who happens to make childish ‘rice eyes’ —is insulting Asians, when in fact, she might want to actually see how she looks as Asian—who knows–Asian envy?

  But you touch on many of the points that are the real meaning of learning Mandarin—the connection to another culture–real connection, to the point tht they are comfortable moving between the west and China—and understanding the unvarnished strengths and weakness of each culture— and yes, the opportunity which that brings.

  My daughters are also daughters of China. Most here—like you I think, are 2nd. generation, but you have made the reconnection which my girls are making as well. (or I’m definitely working on their making). And I understand full well the consequences—most western businessmen delude themselves into thinking that English is the international language of business—so when I’m in China—speak English—doing business in China, I’ve been across the table in conference rooms facing several stone faced, and very experienced Chinese business executives—who understand me just fine, and know full well that I don’t have the same skills in Mandarin or Cantonese—and even though I’ve brought along family members (who are on the same business page with me)—its clearly, not the same.

  And as you have suggested in your post, Ed, this is the future— Given how the internet has shrunk the world, I expect to see less ‘melting pot’ in America, and more unabridged cultural integrity in Asian communities– particularly Chinese, since China, as the world’s 2nd super power, will be calling more of the shots internationally in the near future.

  Posted on 13-Feb-09 at 11:11 pm | Permalink

• Ben wrote:

  Hmm. Being bilingual (first gen) myself, I have to say that the importance is definitely worthwhile and in your favor when you’re in your adulthood. But personally? I take to more of a secondary method of teaching style. It’s actually much easier to have your significant other pick up the language and just start conversing in that instead of English at home. Believe me, the kids get plenty of English at school. They won’t suffer from lack of it in the home.

  Kids tend to not only want to be a part of things, but they learn things very quickly. And it’s actually beneficial for your significant other to pick up another language anyways. When I get some time, I’ll probably be looking for another language to brush up on since it’s always great to know someone to talk to at home and especially when you can jump from language to language and confuse the heck out of people when they don’t know what you’re talking about.

  Posted on 13-Feb-09 at 11:18 pm | Permalink

• Lucky 8 wrote:

  I think the environment and the people who you are surrounded with also play a factor as to how much you care about cultural identity. In USA, we are also taught we can be whatever we want to be.

  If you expose your child to let’s say…the Chinese people and community, the child will probably embrace it. However it really depends on what you really want, one can be bilingual but doesn’t mean when they grow up they’ll want to connect with the same community.

  For all we know, the mainstream media could also play a huge factor as to why your child may hate to be Chinese one day or just think it’s not “cool”. She could one day grow up and see all the evils that China has committed and not want to associate herself with anything Chinese, especially if she’s around people who are Pro-Taiwanese/Free Tibet and down with China.

  She could become fluent in Chinese, but maybe one day marry someone Non-Chinese…move away to a area where being Chinese is only what other people see of her. The place could be where she becomes an individual and can focus on her career and her significant other, rather than being part of the Chinese community.

  I think there are different ways to showing her the Chinese culture and not having to go to the extreme of moving to China/Taiwan. Why move all the way there? when u can just move to the heavily populated areas where schools are majority ethnic Chinese. When she interacts with others, she might go out on her own and beg you to put her into Chinese school because all of other kids speak it. She might learn more and feel more comfortable around Chinese-American students as well, since they got the both of both worlds. She might say those awesome words “Daddy, can you take me to Grandma’s? I like how she SPEAKS to me in Chinese and teaches me about Chinese things”.

  Mix it up, you can do it Tim! Why go to China or Taiwan? when all you have to do is put more effort into exposing her to the Chinese culture that is already here. Dim Sum! Yao Ming! Vera Wang! Chinese/Lunar New Year where she gets red envelopes with $$$… you don’t need to go to CHINA…you can even show her a bunch of Chinese stuff on Youtube! Something that our ancestors never had!

  Oh ya, have you ever seen Ni Hao, Kai-lan? Good show! Well I don’t watch it all by myself…I watch it with my little cousins. It’s all already here! You just gotta look for it!

  Posted on 14-Feb-09 at 3:34 am | Permalink

• Daniel wrote:

  Korea is #1,

  I think nearly everyone knows about those silly biases regarding if you’re *___* enough if you speak or don’t speak a specific language fluently or act *___* enough, etc. There are plenty of comparable cases here in the States, although it’s not the same, there are enough similar characteristics where people can relate to these type of issues.

  Regarding the complex Chinese identity topic, there are many perspectives to look at this, and all of the arguements have valid points and flaws. Sometimes, it’s just a personal preference, other times…political statements or affiliations. Then, there’s also the language issue where in English or for English speakers, this is how they define others.
  For example, there’s a term you can use “HUA REN” to describe Chinese from citizens living in Shanghai or ethnic Chinese in NYC who may not have step foot in China for generations. There are other terms to describe the people and language such as “Guo Yu, PuTong Hua, Han Yu, Hua Yu, etc.” It really depends who you are talking to and what about. Then there’s the fact of how people are Chinese due to residence or citizenship rather than by culture(s). I’ve met people who looked like they were from the the Middle East or Eastern Europe but were Fluent Mandarin speaking China citizens, and some of them were proud of it.

  This complex Chinese identity has been around for a long time. This isn’t really a national-ethnic type of culture you’re dealing with but an entire civilization, almost a world in it’s own right. While China has been around fro 3,000+ years, it’s only been like the last 200 where they saw themselves as the same people. In a way, it’s like one land, 100 different groups, 1,000 different subgroups, 10,000 different clans/tribes vaguely united by common written script, military force, intimate relationships, religions, etc.

  This is just a very crude-unfinished explanation to a complex topic, but I hope this helps.

  Oh yeah, btw for Tim, I’ve heard of non-Chinese parents who have moved to Singapore and their children are very fluent in Mandarin and English. Then there’s also hiring babysitters, nannnies, etc. who will speak only Mandarin with the Children. Either way, it’s up to the couples themselves to choose which one, if it were me, I would make much use of family members. If they’re available.

  Posted on 14-Feb-09 at 2:16 pm | Permalink

• Harry McMackin wrote:

  This story is almost as old as America. It can easily be repeated 28,000,000 times before 1924. Probably another 28,000,000 times since 1965. One thing Tim can be sure of, he’s the All American Guy. He has the All American Story.

  Posted on 14-Feb-09 at 3:28 pm | Permalink

• Roberta wrote:

  I’m in my early 40s and learning Mandarin and loving it.

  我 很 喜欢 学 汉语 和 中文

  Posted on 15-Feb-09 at 9:33 am | Permalink

• Roberta wrote:

  I meant to add that if there is real interest, it’s never too late to learn.

  Also, in Tennessee when I was growing up, you couldn’t even take a foreign language in school until 9th grade, except for a few special Spanish classes in 7th and 8th grades in only a few schools. So, as long as your child is starting Mandarin in some form in childhood (maybe Saturday school as an 8 to 10 year old instead of pre-school as a 3 year old), your child is still ahead of so many kids in America.

  Posted on 15-Feb-09 at 9:47 am | Permalink

• Xxxtine wrote:

  I’m *ahem* … 30 and I’m currently re-learning Mandarin from scratch. I took Mandarin over 15 years ago from Saturday classes that taught kids Mandarin on the basis that their parents also spoke Mandarin … which was not the case for me as my parents spoke Hokkien and were born and raised in the Philippines. The funny thing is that I got back to learning Mandarin through becoming interested in Asian pop culture and found that everything related back to Chinese characters. I wish I was able to speak Mandarin and be able to read Chinese when I was young so I wouldn’t have to feel like I’m playing catch-up all the time. I do regret not continuing but it was mostly because there was nothing to relate it to … I foresaw no reason for me to need to use it and thereby no interest in learning. And then I got into Asian pop culture …

  I like what Lucky 8 suggested – you don’t have to fly across the world to expose her to Chinese culture … just teach her how to use the internet.

  Posted on 15-Feb-09 at 7:04 pm | Permalink

• Lucky 8 wrote:

  Thanks XXXTine.

  This generation is very lucky in the fact that people don’t even need to step out of their house anymore, if they want assistance learning another language. I could use the example of the Wapanese boys who are addicted to Anime or J-Rock or whatever Japanese pop culture their into, they go out of their way to find and learn Japanese. Same goes for all the Korean Pop Wannabes out there. If every one of us really wanted to learn Mandarin right now, we can. There’s so much options out there, whether it’s through google or Step by Step DVD Computer programs.

  Mandarin-Chinese is probably one of the Asian languages/dialects that has the most resources available, since there are so many people that speak it. Things could be a lot less convenient for let’s say a parent trying to teach their child on how to learn another Asian language such as the ones they speak in Laos, Cambodia, Burma, or even people who want their kids to pass on the Hmong or Mien languages.

  In fact Tim, your so lucky you could probably sit with your daughter during family time and learn with her! A lot of Asian artists are also now collaborating and using more than one language, like for example Jackie Chan’s – Endless Love.

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIIb_4cSafs

  Your daughter might not only end up becoming in fluent Mandarin and English, she could end up being fluent in Korean too! Wouldn’t that be a surprise!

  Posted on 15-Feb-09 at 10:50 pm | Permalink

• Josh Chau wrote:

  I feel being able to speak Chinese is a bonding tool. I speak a dialect similar to Taiwanese (Min Nan Hua) with my parents and I have an elementary command of Mandarin.

  In middle school I started to speak English all the time, but when I had disagreements with my parents or serious talks with my sister we would always do it in our dialect. The closeness of the family is characterized by speaking to each other in Chinese.

  My parents know that if they want to insult me all they need to do is speak to me in English. Why is this offensive? It has everything to do with the implication of speaking English in the house.

  English is for people outside the house. It is used to conduct business and not for family. This may point to and promote xenophobia but I truly think it’s about cultural preservation.

  My family has lived outside of China for 3 generations and we still speak our ancestral dialect. If it was about xenophobia my ancestors would not have decided to cross oceans to places with a relatively small amount of Chinese people.

  Now on something of a tangent:
  There are studies and my own personal experience as an amateur linguist that show children can learn different languages at the same time if the sources of these languages are distinct. I.E. mother speaks one language, father speaks another or one language spoken in the home one spoken outside.

  There is little chance the child will become confused enough in these situations such that they would jumble the languages together.

  Don’t be afraid your children won’t learn English in America. Be afraid that they won’t learn your home tongue. There are far less resources for that.

  Posted on 16-Feb-09 at 8:35 am | Permalink

• 8Asians.com » Chinese treasures to be reunited in Taiwan wrote:

  [...] and members passed away before a reunion was even possible. In a previous blog post I wrote I was worried about making sure my daughter got to meet and keep in touch with her family abroad and many of you correctly reminded me it’s certainly not as difficult in today’s [...]

  Posted on 19-Feb-09 at 5:15 pm | Permalink

• No Name wrote:

  I think it’s great when parents teach non-English languages to their kids when they’re being raised in English-speaking countries–and the more languages one knows in general, the better. However, I just wanted to say that the title of your post made me cringe. I totally get what you’re saying and I ain’t mad at ya, but it was reminiscent of being treated badly by other Asians because I grew up only knowing English. There is no one right way to raise your kids in terms of the culture you impart upon them, and ideally we would all respect each other’s language-teaching choices. Again, I am not saying that you personally don’t respect me or how my parents raised me, but I’m just pointing out that the post title, in saying only knowing English is “not okay,” echoes judgmental sentiments I’ve heard all my life, and I just wish it was written differently.

  Posted on 28-Feb-09 at 12:58 pm | Permalink

• Tim wrote:

  @NoName: I’m sorry you don’t like the title, it wasn’t meant to offend, it was just to be the opposite of the article I based it on. The other article was called “Our Child Only Speaks English and It’s Okay. And since I had the opposite point of view, I just turned the title to its negative.

  Posted on 28-Feb-09 at 3:36 pm | Permalink

• Thom M wrote:

  First of all, tim thank you for writing about this topic. It’s emotionally charged for many people for many reasons.

  As a Caucasian adoptive parent I felt, and still feel, it is very important that my daughter, age 3 from China, learn not only the language but the culture of being Chinese. So we found a family to provide day care three-days a week. They are a multi-generational household with a grandmother who speaks no english and a son my daughter’s age and a daughter a few years older. When I pick her up sometimes only the grandmother is there which makes for a strange conversation that’s half mime and half very repetitive speech spoken very slowly for my benefit.

  We couldn’t be happier. It’s providing a foundation for her to continue with Sat school when she’s old enough. My efforts are at learning mandarin are slow but I use my limited mandarin with my daughter and she answers my questions in English. In fact she went through a phase that whenever I tried to use Mandarin she would look at me and just say “no, daddy”.

  I’m told her Chinese is good, even if it is spoken with an American accent. Of course I don’t know how much of that is accurate or people just being polite because they know we want her to have this connection that only language and culture can provide. Hopefully we’ll be able to continue to provide her this immersive Chinese langauge and culture experience. I’m trying to find opportunities to work in Singapore, Taiwan or Mainland but the job market in Aisa isn’t exactly thriving for Caucasian non-Chinese speaking middle managers…. Oh well.

  ChinesePod, private tutors and hours practicing characters will have to suffice for me for now because I’m afraid If I don’t continue my Chinese studies my daughter will abandon them during the critical pre-teen/teen-age years when most kids just want to be like every other kid in their class. We’ll see what happens but my hope is that things have changed enough over the last 20 years that learning a second language as a kid is cool and not something that sets them apart in a negative way. Thanks again for the post and the great blog.

  Posted on 06-Mar-09 at 6:37 am | Permalink

• ((little fat notebook)) » Blog Archive » Bilingual, bicultural wrote:

  [...] to go back to their site to read some of their entries.  I eventually came across an article about teaching your kid Chinese, as a response to an article that the author had read about the decision to not teach your kid [...]

  Posted on 11-May-09 at 1:37 am | Permalink

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