In this Sunday’s New York Times Magazine, there is an article “Students of Virginity,” which discusses that “In the Ivy League, abstinence is a) philosophical, b) research-based, c) an outgrowth of feminism, d) sexy and fun, e) all of the above.” For most of the article, the reporter profiles Harvard student Janie Fredell and her involvement in a relatively new student group on campus — “a band of celibates, men and women, calling themselves True Love Revolution.” However, what caught my eye in the article that made me want to blog about this on 8Asians was the anti-Janie Fredell, Chinese-American Lena Chen:
PERHAPS NO ONE at Harvard represents the hookup culture better than Lena Chen, a student sex blogger, and few True Love Revolution events have drawn as much attention as Fredell’s debate with her last fall. Chen and Fredell described the event to me later, when I met them separately for lunch. Chen was a small Asian woman in a miniskirt and stilettos… Chen’s viewpoint, as she explained it to me, was not complicated. “For me, being a strong woman means not being ashamed that I like to have sex,” she said. And “to say that I have to care about every person I have sex with is an unreasonable expectation. It feels good! It feels good!…Chen knew, as she told me later, that “the culture reacts differently when women make the same decisions men do.” Her own decisions were public knowledge, because she revealed them on her blog. Chen’s perspective on society, and Fredell’s, was borne out in the aftermath, as people wrote in to Ivygate (”Ivy League news, gossip, sex, sports, students, campus life and more “), calling Lena Chen a “slut,” a “whore,” a “total whore,” a “whore whore slut.” And then someone by the screen name of Sex v. Marriage wrote in to say that “most guys out there would rather end up with a girl like Janie.”
To say the least, I was very curious to hear such frank words from Chen and was interested to learn more about her from her blog, and discovered that she was born in San Francisco and raised in Los Angeles,. a first generation Chinese-American. For some reason, I was not terribly surprised that Chen was born in San Francisco and raised in California.
Of course, given my fairly conservative Taiwanese-American upbringing (as well as historically Puritanical, The Scarlet Letter Massachusetts upbringing) I wondered, “What the hell do Chen’s parents think of her?” But I also do recognize the usual double-standard for men and women regarding sex.
In almost every social aspect, I’d say that native Californians (and West Coasters), are pretty liberal relative to the East Coast and the rest of the nation. That aside, how much of your parents’ “traditional” values have influenced your thoughts regarding pre-marital sex?
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An interesting footnote to her blog regarding the newspaper piece on her:
Posted on 29-Mar-08 at 11:46 pm | Permalink
Brian wrote:
[...]“most guys out there would rather end up with a girl like Janie.”
And then become sickeningly bored to death of her, and then run off with a girl like Lena.
Posted on 30-Mar-08 at 1:39 am | Permalink
Akrypti wrote:
In college I published two articles in particular that garnered quite an uproar, “Barely There: Plight of the Asian Woman” (on dealing with being flat-chested) and “The Beautiful Virgin” (on the intersection of cultural heritage and sexuality).
One of the primary concerns of the Asian American student body, for whatever reason, was “What do her parents think?”
My parents read both articles word for word, thank you very much. My father didn’t like how explicit I got with the articles, but understood and appreciated what I was doing, that I wasn’t writing about sex for the sake of writing about sex, but that it was ultimately political. My mother thought the articles were fantastic.
What Lena Chen’s parents think of her writings are between Lena Chen and her parents. Most likely, however, they will see that she’s forging her own way and place in the world and has done so with a heck of a lot of attention and bang. She’s a damn good writer and if her muses tell her to write about sex, who are we, the sub-standard writers, to sit here and judge her for it?
Posted on 30-Mar-08 at 3:02 am | Permalink
Xxxtine wrote:
Lena: The American version of Muzi Mei - the Chinese sex blogger who podcasted one of her trysts (I think it was 60 mins long). Interestingly enough the government actually sees the value in her blog and hasn’t shut her down - not that they really could.
Posted on 30-Mar-08 at 4:06 am | Permalink
jack wrote:
She is just another asian girl who only sleeps with white guys so I don’t have any sympathy for her. Her self haterd for herself prevents her from ever pairing with a asian male cause they would mean she has to confront what she hates most about herself. Sad thing is that she doesn’t even realize it.
Posted on 30-Mar-08 at 7:27 am | Permalink
Xxxtine wrote:
It seems that many people are making the assumption that Lena wants to get married and perhaps have kids … to which I say: what crystal ball are you looking into to make that prediction? While I personally find it baffling to have numerous sexual partners at any given moment, bloggers such as Lena and even Muzi Mei certainly have shifted my perspective on how the other side views life without the prospect of marriage or children they’re not planning for or want.
Many of my friends don’t want marriage or kids in their lifetime - one even referred it to worshiping the ‘Temple of Me” - and she herself is a journalist, Asian and far from any self-conceit or self-hatred.
Just like some guys, some girls don’t like dealing with the mess that comes with emotions. Some just need to get off. (for the lack of a better term.) Why buy and/or deal with a pig when all you need is a sausage?
Posted on 30-Mar-08 at 9:54 am | Permalink
jun wrote:
why do people talk about asian girls who only like white boys like its a epidemic??? Yea sure I know asian girls who are dating white guys and black guys but its because they are awesome guys; with their relationship transcending race… And its not like I live in some little town, Im from NYC and go to school in Philly the two areas with the largest APA populations on the east coast… Is this epidemic a west coast thing cause it sure aint true around here…
Posted on 30-Mar-08 at 10:03 am | Permalink
David B. wrote:
This whole California free-sex or freer-sex is a load of east-coast, mid-western fantasy crap. Nothing here is freer or easier than anywhere else. It’s as hard to come out, it’s as hard to be a strong independent woman who owns her sexuality - - get over it! These fantasies about how life is so much easier and more liberal in California is just that - and it’s tired and worn out.
Posted on 30-Mar-08 at 10:56 am | Permalink
Efren wrote:
Heh, it’s always been about how comfortable you are about talking about your sexuality, regardless of where you’re situated, what your ethnicity is, whatever. People just pay more attention to straight Asian women because they’re not expected to do so, and I know plenty who have no problems finding a quick lay.
I get a lot of BS from people because I’ve always been pretty open about my sexuality, especially since people are really afraid of having a fat Asian guy being sexual, particularly if he’s queer. so I sympathize with Lena.
And besides, as Lena (and countless other women, queer and straight, and gay men) knows, straight men are easy to get into bed. Just give them enough alcohol and they’ll do anything.
Posted on 30-Mar-08 at 5:30 pm | Permalink
tien wrote:
I definitely agree with Lena’s point that being a woman and able to express one’s sexuality as she does is a true testament to how far women have come over the years as this sort of writing would’ve gotten her hung about a half century ago..
There is no reason why a guy who seeks regular sex and has a high amount of partners with a frat boy mentality should be “respected”, generally speaking, while girls that do the same are sluts/whores/etc..
Posted on 31-Mar-08 at 12:50 am | Permalink
Tas wrote:
I don’t understand why women feel that acting like a guy is making progress. Testament of how much woman has come should be measured on the percentage of woman graduating college compared to men and position in life not their ability to act like an animal trying to sleep with anything that walks. Men’s primal instinct to be overly sexual is not something to be emulated to show how much progressive women have made. Plus that girl looks like she has hit every branch while falling from the ugly tree, I’m amazed there a guys who actually sleep with her.
Posted on 31-Mar-08 at 3:03 am | Permalink
Xxxtine wrote:
I don’t get the feeling that she’s emulating males - but rather just exploring and enjoying her sex life in an open forum.
@Tas … how big of you to express your critical eye in determining the attractiveness of a person. If that is the case, you should take a look at Muzi Mei - at first glance you ask yourself, “Huh?” But then you see her interactions with people, and then you go, “Ah, I see.”
Posted on 31-Mar-08 at 9:37 am | Permalink
ancient one wrote:
Ivy hookup culture? Free sex California? I grew up in California and went to an Ivy, and I was an unwilling member of the abstinence club for far too long despite my best efforts!
But seriously, back to John’s question about traditional values of your parents and its influence on premarital sex. I am not sure how much of the influence on values is from their parents as opposed to being from their stage in life. When I was young, I didn’t care much about “Mrs. Right” but more about “Miss Right now!” Ah, the raging hormones of youth! You live, you love, you date, you crash, you burn, you get tired of that scene. You make some mistakes and see other people make incredibly disasterous ones. That begins to change your perspectives. Once you become a parent, your perspectives change even more. That precious kid that who kept you up nights with colic, who you drove to all their activities, who you saved tuition for, who annoyed you with their teenage moodiness and craziness - do you really want them to risk all that parental, emotional, and financial investment with the potential entanglements, complications, and disasters that can go with sex?
Posted on 31-Mar-08 at 9:56 pm | Permalink
the young one wrote:
Why are straight women (especially of the Asian variety) so often criticized for being open with their sex lives? I’m glad she’s comfortable with her sexuality and enjoying her sex life. If she wants to be open with it, that’s her choice.
I don’t know about everybody else’s parents, but mine pretty much expect me to have left the abstinence committee a long while ago by now, and I’m 19. So I’m not sure the whole “traditional” values aspect of John’s question really applies. In terms of their influence, I’m still a virgin, but my ideas and opinions are definitely stemmed from theirs.
It’s not like they encourage me to be a “slut” (as people call it), but more so to enjoy what I was born with and what I am naturally entitled to. They stress that I need to be safe, that I need to make my own decisions, and that they will support me no matter what those decisions are. (Well then again, they also don’t want details of my sex life, with the deal that they won’t tell me about theirs…)
As for the East Coast vs. West Coast thing, I can’t really make a comment. Although I’m from the East, I’m up in Canada.
Posted on 01-Apr-08 at 5:06 am | Permalink
Grace Chu wrote:
Uh, in certain institutions in the Ivy League, such as the one profiled, abstinence is part of the culture, because 90% of the population were supreme dorkuses in high school and didn’t arrive at college with the level of experience needed to have a nuanced understanding of things like intimacy and sex. Their only dealings with women and sex came from internet porn. Consequently, people talk a lot about sex and but are too afraid to do it, and when someone does go out and do it, they are treated as oddballs and weirdos and are called lovely things like “ho” and “slut”. I’m glad to know that things haven’t changed much.
Posted on 01-Apr-08 at 6:41 am | Permalink
Confuse-us wrote:
@the young one
I think that there is a big difference between having an active sex-life and having an active sex-life and making the experience common knowledge.
Not to be judgemental, but when a person makes the intimate details of their private life public (especially in the blogosphere) then, to my mind, you kind of cross the threshold into becoming an attention magnet, and should expect people to be critical sometimes.
While it’s true that when it comes to sex, there are different expectations for men and women, if a man were to blog about his sexual exploits then most people wouldn’t really care to read it, except for his jerk-off buddies.
Posted on 01-Apr-08 at 10:03 am | Permalink
hollow wrote:
John:
You’re an upper middle class new-englander who’s never lived in California, and your opinions show it. and I bet you feel pretty good about it too.
Posted on 02-Apr-08 at 3:50 am | Permalink
Grace Chu wrote:
Re: above comment - Is this thread going to turn into an East Coast / West Coast rap battle?
Can I be Lil’ Kimchi? (Ok, I’m not Korean. I just wanted to say “Lil Kimchi”)
Posted on 02-Apr-08 at 8:10 am | Permalink
John wrote:
hollow: huh? I’ve lived in California since 1999. And why shouldn’t I like who I am? Should I be a “low” class new-englander who mugs and steals who lives in the Northeast? Who the hell are you - an anonymous troll.
Posted on 02-Apr-08 at 8:18 am | Permalink
Akrypti wrote:
8A needs to scrap talking about anything else and just focus on sex. Clearly it’s the only topic that interests anybody enough to comment.
Posted on 02-Apr-08 at 9:08 am | Permalink
Efren wrote:
Akrypti:
Yes! Sex! We should all just turn this into 8-sexy-asians.com and talk all about our sexual exploits…or lack thereof.
I won’t say where I fall in this category…
Posted on 02-Apr-08 at 11:42 am | Permalink
darkmoon wrote:
Hmm…. I’m gonna cybersquat 8Aafterdark.com *cough*
Posted on 02-Apr-08 at 12:31 pm | Permalink
Grace Chu wrote:
Yep, the only posts that get comments are posts about strippers, sex, and interracial dating. Basically, posts about titillation, sex, and sexual relations.
Someone should combine those topics and write a fake post about an Asian female stripper who has sex with white men. I guarantee you will get at least 100 posts in the comments thread.
Posted on 02-Apr-08 at 2:19 pm | Permalink
Efren wrote:
a fake post??? when there are so many Asian female strippers who have sex with white men and blogging and posting about it elsewhere? (well, I’m sure there are, anyway)…
Maybe she can be the next blogger for 8A!
Posted on 02-Apr-08 at 5:15 pm | Permalink
Akrypti wrote:
Yeah Grace. Does anyone *really* need to *fake* a post about an Asian female stripper who has sex with white men only? Oh, wait. Actually, been there done that already. 8A has written several posts on Tila Tequila. Sorry.
Posted on 02-Apr-08 at 5:49 pm | Permalink
Akrypti wrote:
And don’t tell me she’s bisexual because if anything Margaret Cho is more bi than Tila.
Posted on 02-Apr-08 at 5:51 pm | Permalink
Grace Chu wrote:
Oh, wait. Actually, been there done that already. 8A has written several posts on Tila Tequila.
HA! Noted.
Posted on 02-Apr-08 at 6:22 pm | Permalink