Excited
by Lani Valapone Cox
The thing about being Asian in North America is no one thinks you’re subjected to any kind of racism. We’re not brown enough so no one is the wiser. I imagine some white people tiptoe around black folks in an effort not to offend or say anything that might be construed as racist. Well, I can assure you that white folks don’t make that kind of effort around us.
It’s almost as if they just know, a kind of assumption – an arrogance that makes no sense. There is little awareness of the words flying out of their mouths. I’d rather you tiptoe than boldly saunter. I’d rather you ask than assume. And I’d rather you not tell me you like Thai food when I tell you I’m part Thai.
For some fascinating reason people who find out that I’m part Thai respond by saying, “Oh, I love Thai food.” I never quite know how to respond. Would that be like meeting an Italian and saying, “I love pasta. My favorite dish is spaghetti.” Or meeting a black person “I love rap music.” Or a Jewish person “I cried during Schindler’s List.” If someone could please tell me a creative and clever way to respond to this, because I would love to know. I love sushi but I don’t tell my Japanese friends that I do or that I find the spicy tuna roll delish.
So just know that when you tell me you love Thai food – on the outside I put on my pleasant face – blank, mildly surprised and sweet. On the inside I just scrunched up my face like you farted. You just let a social faux pas rip – it happens occasionally and I’ll just ignore it because laughing or admonishing you would be considered inappropriate and ineffective.
I think part of the reason Asians aren’t known for being picked on has to do with the fact that we don’t make a big fuss about it. It’s as if hardship brings the best out in us. We accept it as a way of life. Therefore, racism becomes one of life’s trials. This is not to say that we don’t mind or care, it’s just we move through it and shrug it off like a chill in the air. We shiver, we complain, we stomp our feet and either head indoors or put on a heavy jacket.
We are the silent minority – under represented in the media from television, radio, and print media to the big screen, and of course we are nowhere to be found in government. Although every once in awhile Hawaii elects an Asian who represents the majority population of the Islands. We are the working masses. But it is erroneous to think that we do not command the personality to be out there shaking hands like a good politician or acting in movies or modeling on the cover of major magazines.
I hate how all “backwards” things are considered Chinese, like a Chinese jump rope is essentially a large elastic loop, or my favorite: the old Chinese fire drill. Ah, there’s nothing like sprinting out of a idling car to change places with the other passengers for no apparent reason. But we don’t make a fuss – when was the last time you heard an Asian complain about these types of things? Besides me.
This quality, this martyr-ism, this flair for the quiet dramatics or what others like call ‘passive aggressive’ is just our way of dealing with it. Hey we have our immature moments too.
I remember one particular time when I was in Hawaii, I was at one of my auntie’s birthday party. (In Thai culture every friend of my mom’s was considered an Auntie or an Uncle. I had to refer to them as such and that was how they were referenced Uncle Ron, Auntie Pat, etc.)
Aunt Kay’s husband hosted a surprise birthday party. The guests were a mix of Caucasians (her husband’s friends) and Thais (Thoy’s friends). When my mom and I arrived some of the guests had already been drinking. The white women.
I sat down on the couch with the other Thai women who were busy chatting away. I can’t speak Thai but as a child who grew up listening to this language I understand undertones. I understand body language and I sensed what the Thai women were talking about were the tipsy white women.
I leaned over onto my mom, “What are you guys talking about?”
“Those women,” she whispered back. Her eyes looked across the coffee table at the Caucasian women giggling and flailing their arms about as seen on drunken people everywhere around the globe.
“Oh, I know.”
The Thai women were excitedly talking amongst themselves and then erupting into laughter. I could tell they were being a little nasty.
“Mom!” I accused her; to me they were being fairly obvious in their disdain.
“No shame.” She stopped laughing enough to talk to me. “White women have no shame. We don’t do like that.”
Always a lesson – I rolled my eyes. Oh yes you do. But I had to admit I enjoyed sitting between these two worlds. I enjoyed the knowledge that I had. And I was glad not to be sitting on the other side of the table.
One of the husband’s was rescuing his drunken wife. The Thai women all smiled and waved, “Good bye” and other false pleasantries.
You see, in Thai culture appearances count. I’m sure other Asian cultures are like that. I guess that’s why you won’t ever see us making a fuss about racism or discrimination. We won’t let you see us when we’re down. If the mask should fall we’ll pick it up and put it back on.
There were a few instances in my adult life when I was accused of being “hard to read” or unemotional. At first I was confused. I always thought I was one of those people who wore my feelings on my face. But my first teaching mentor would suddenly stop in mid-sentence to say, “I find you so hard to read.” She would search my face looking for Buddha knows what.
At another job in Oregon my boss would mention the same thing. We would be in her office, door closed. I was probably being lectured then she would stop and say, “I never read your expression. I can’t tell if you’re happy or sad.”
“I’m fine.” I would respond then follow it up with a tiny smile.
Since this happened during my teaching days and again at this job I asked Brad, “Am I hard to read?”
“What do you mean?”
“Can you read my facial expressions? Today Denise told me she has a hard time reading my face.”
“No. I can usually tell what you’re feeling.”
“I thought so.”
I began to consider that the two worst jobs I’ve ever had had this ‘unreadable’ facial expression thingy between them. I began to realize that both people and places had probably the least amount of exposure to Asian culture and people. And that’s okay – those incidences just highlighted the fact that we were never able to communicate effectively.
When I was getting my first and only tattoo I didn’t cry or complain or yell. I guess others have because my tattoo artist “Gramps” (as he was called) told me, “You’re like a Japanese Samurai. You take the pain well.”
Between clinched teeth and watching him dab the blood off of my shoulder and said, “Thank you.”
Lani Valapone Cox is a first generation American currently living in Chiang Mai Thailand where she is subsisting on poetry, music and wicked awesome food. Notable jobs of sunsets past include: archaeologist, pizza maker and Waldorf teacher.
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RockettSingh
I think that chinese fire drill is innocent enough, when I play it, I rarely think about how this actually relates to chinese people. For me at least its just one of thoses innocent <a href="http://www.traveltoystore.com">games to play in the car</a>
Let me get even more specific. Name a MALE asian-american doctor in the main cast of a medical show in America with SLANTY EYES.
I can find Asian/Asian-American women in all sorts of roles. And that's great. But what I find disturbing is the refusal to cast an ASIAN-AMERICAN MALE in positive mainstream roles, especially ones where you would normally find an ASIAN-AMERICAN MALE. Not casting an asian-american guy as a doctor in a show about doctors is like not casting a black guy in a show about the NBA.
And no one's been able to answer why MTV hasn't casted an asian-american male with slanty eyes in its 20 year run of The Real World which claims to be a reality show that explores diversity.
If someone replies with a "Well, there was an asian-american guy walking around in the background", I am going to burst a brain cell.
IOW.. whites have that overbearing confidence and an inabilty to understand WHY we feel a bit more socially restrained.
It's like, we may not really act in that confidnet, sort of "TV" personality, but.. we actually CAN.
They don't give us the benefit of the doubt though, because, they see our shyness as a hinderance to why we catually CAN'T.
What they don't realize, is if they just maybe, held back on that rice or sushi comment.. even for just.. you know, that first few times talking to us... Wait until you known us a while... THEN I guarantee you, I will make the sushi jokes myself.
But to defend them... I know, as an adult, I no longer really empathise with "childlike adults" who need social catering, or for me to somehow alter my behavior for their comfort.
I think some asians still need whites to somewhat "alter" their behavior for their comfort.
For example Like a white guy who acts cocky and douchy.. is just known to be that, by other whites as well.
But if he's in a room alone with an asian guy, that asian guy might not be able to "roll" with it...
That's were the problems are: Both.. Asian guy not having that.. you know, ability to go with it.. and the douchy white guy for being the douchy white guy ;P
but, is it wrong to be a douchy white guy?? No..... Given the right audience, it's entertaining...
I don't know.. it's confusing. But the point is... Why can't whites just LIKE and ENJOY that we're somewhat reserved, and look at the positives..
But we're made to feel somehow being reser
I "think" what I'm getting from this post (cause I relate) isn't RACISM, but racial ANNOYANCES that whites seem to realize regarding WHAT ANNOYS BLACK PEOPLE ONLY, but not asians, latinos, etc.
As though, whites are kinda intimidated by blacks cause of the whole, you know... "natural enemy" thing, such as why a guppy is afraid of the shark...
Whites know not to piss Blacks off. So are extra careful, not to say, meet a black guy, but then, overconfidently say something to the effect of them "knowing" blacks.
They won't do it... (unless it's eminem or michael rappaport lol)
But, asians... that carefulness goes out the door. Thus, the "I like sushi! and we just LOVE SAKE (as in, for-saken, not SA-KEH) and we find that-- annoying.
However, OUR annoyances are seen as "get over it", but Blacks annoyances are legit, socially valid points that even Obama get's to "lecture" them on once in a while.....
Daniel Henney in CBS's "THREE RIVERS." Too bad it got canceled.
Asian males are not cast in The Real World because they are stereotyped as being boring and uninteresting. It's not at all that they are afraid of allowing asian males near 'their' women, as you imply - rather, asian males are considered sexless and not stereotypically masculine. Thus, they have no sex apppeal to offer.
Unfortunately I don't like ranch dressing :P
This whole discussion as got me thinking - can stereotypes be the gateway drug to racism?
Let me get even more specific. Name a MALE asian-american doctor in the main cast of a medical show in America with SLANTY EYES.
I can find Asian/Asian-American women in all sorts of roles. And that's great. But what I find disturbing is the refusal to cast an ASIAN-AMERICAN MALE in positive mainstream roles, especially ones where you would normally find an ASIAN-AMERICAN MALE. Not casting an asian-american guy as a doctor in a show about doctors is like not casting a black guy in a show about the NBA.
And no one's been able to answer why MTV hasn't casted an asian-american male with slanty eyes in its 20 year run of The Real World which claims to be a reality show that explores diversity.
If someone replies with a "Well, there was an asian-american guy walking around in the background", I am going to burst a brain cell.
I thought you brought up some really good points. Me love you long time - made me laugh out loud.
And speaking of HR, I remember a co-worker told me he thought if blacks weren't playing sports they'd all be in jail. I was flabbergasted to say the least. I think this also relates to folks just kind of seeing us as not a minority? Or something like that.
I also remember a friend told me, she's pretty for a black person. I was like, for a black person? Why did you add that? This is meant as a compliment and he probably wasn't racist at all but these kinds of underground currents of thought reveal what the speaker thinks.
It is easy to say that I should take a compliment when it is meant as one. In the moment, I didn't know what do think. When people tell me I speak really good English, I say thank you. I understand the meaning behind the words but I think relating to people and cultures through food is not the same as discussing sports or visiting a country.
In my post I said, "you just let a social faux pax rip" and I do stick to that. Oh you're from Mexico? I love Mexican food! is not the same as I would love to visit Mexico or you all did great during the World Cup. I feel like the latter is a more sophisticated (?) level or relating to another person. Why don't you just say I love naps or siestas while you're at it?
I agree with you. When people tell me they like Thai food I understand they are trying to relate to me and it is not meant to be racist or even stereotypical. When I write I just start connecting events even if those events are not perfectly defined as "racist".
I've had people shout "beef and broccoli" and other Chinese dishes at me and I also had a guy tell me he slept with a Thai prostitute when he visited Thailand. I don't know what to do in these situations and the Thai food comment I guess triggered the door to this strange world.
My original post title was just "Chinese Fire Drill" and the point was that American Asians are quiet about these types of instances. Myself included.
i cried during schindlers list BWAHAHAHAHAHA. seriously though, if someone says to me ' oh i love chinese food' i reply 'great but dont ask me to cook any for you, you fat fock'
Welcome to really lame games to play in the car, like Punch Buggy.
Sandra Oh on Grey's Anatomy? Though she's technically Asian-Canadian.
Here, let me be more specific. Name an asian-american doctor in the main
cast of a medical show in America with SLANTY EYES.
Ming-Na was on the cast of ER, Seasons 1, 6-11.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jing-Mei_%22Deb%22_Ch...
Here, let me be more specific. Name an asian-american doctor in the main cast of a medical show in America with SLANTY EYES.
Thanks, that's it?
Thought I read it incorrectly. Now understand the scene in Flashforward.
I did a Chinese fire drill when I was young. It seem a little fun but later kind of got stupid when others did it. The person I did it with was in his 30s -40s (born in the 60s) and I was like 16 at that time. That person said they used to do it a lot but nowadays hardly anyone does it. This btw, was with a youth minister, who happened to be white, in the Midwest, on our way to a Christian youth camp.
I really didn't understand the Chinese part or all these other silly things with the word Chinese attatched to it as if it's something cruel and unusual. I seriously had to read on my history books or search tediously online and other resources. Not that I had to, but was just curious.
Anyways, long story short...basically all these things with Chinese = strange and crude got started in the 19th century. That's basically when the Western (or white if you preferred) world got to the top of everyone in the world. When the gaps between the West and the Rest got literally widened. Anyways before all that, the West and everyone else went through centuries almost two millenia since the Roman empire of admiring and looking up to China, almost in the same fashion as people worship the West (or whiteness). Almost, but not exactly. Then after all those things like the Reformation, Enlightenment, Age of discovery, Industrial Revolution, Colonialism, etc. happen, everything went at it's peak during the 19th century. After Opium wars and other conflicts, people went from respecting the Chinese to loathing them. It went extreme, I guess to balanced out all those centuries of doing the opposite. I guess from then on, people use Chinese as a joke, sometimes mean and sometimes mildly speaking to refer to anything strange, sometimes exotic, primitive or comical.
That probably had nothing to do with this article, but I just want to mentioned about my experiences with the Chinese fire drill for the hell of it.
For something related, I think part of the reason why Asians don't kind of complain too much is they too have these racial feelings about themselves, like they see themselves as inherently better than the rest. Everyone has them, so I'm not singling out Asians for being human. Asians are also just as mean to their own people as others who are not Asians. So, in a way, one, there is this superiority mentality and two they conflict within themselves where it's even more intense than racism towards Asians. Like, all this racial BS is nothing compare to what they went through and we do the same. So, it's kind of easy to brush it off.
Just to be fair, it does depend on which Asian group, whether its Chinese, Indian or others. Some groups are more organized and responsive to these issues, some not so. In the end, it all depends on the individual.
Scrubs had several asian (Indian and APA) doctors. They were not (except in one case for plot) highlighted to be specifically asian and for that I commend them; although it's sad that I have to. Oh also House had Kal Penn.
I agree with you about everything else, but --
"I do understand where the author is coming from. I don't necessarily see someone talking about asian food when they know your ethnicity as an insult. To me, it's a starting point to learn more. It shows interest. And I find that more acceptable than someone who pulls their eyes back at me and tells me to go back to where I came from even though I was born and raised here."
It obviously would be more acceptable than someone who does the slant-eye gesture or acts rude, but I still find it problematic. Like the author said, why is the most accessible point of conversation food? I wonder if it's because folks can't relate to us in any other way.
I also question people who ask me "where I'm from/what my ethnicity is" when they clearly act surprised when I switch it around and ask them where they are from. People might not mean to offend, but they still come across as being rather ignorant.
I didn't tell you to shut up -- as I said, I'm all for freedom of speech. I also didn't throw insults at you, so I don't really get where I was being impolite. I just said "it's kind of annoying", which I apologize for if you were offended by it.
I was just responding to her asking what is a good come back to the "I love Thai food"s in paragraph 3. I didn't say she didn't move on but since there was a question, I was trying to help. I don't know how that would offend a third party like you telingl me to shut up because she probably doesn't need my advice.
While I understand we want everyone to acknowledge our Asian presence and the delicacy of communicating to us, maybe we should just be polite to each other online as much as in real life. We all have feelings. Understand that while you have a lot of angst, I'm not the one who put it there.
I do understand where the author is coming from. I don't necessarily see someone talking about asian food when they know your ethnicity as an insult. To me, it's a starting point to learn more. It shows interest. And I find that more acceptable than someone who pulls their eyes back at me and tells me to go back to where I came from even though I was born and raised here.
But the author's points are made and taken, esepcially about how there are those who insult asians without batting an eye. But when it comes to black people, people will go through a whole QA and PR department before saying a joke that could even be construed as racist.
Observe any comedy show where race comes up. Check out routines by Pablo Francisco or Carlos Mencia. They claim they insult everyone but if you're asian or if you're really listening, there's a huge difference between how they talk about asians in comparision to anyone else. References to asians are usually about penis sizes, slanted eyes, dumb sounding accents, how they can't drive, how asian women are whores, etc.
Even if the topic isn't about asians at all, some shows, actors, comedians, radio show hosts, etc. will throw in "asian" for no reason at all. If there's a commentary on the radio about a highway accident, the host will throw in "It's because of those ASIAN drivers" despite the fact that asians were nowhere near involved in causing or being in the accident.
I also don't appreciate how these "stereotypes" and common asian "sayings" aren't from asians at all but rather made up by whites. A white person makes up a stereotype or saying that they think asians do or say. They then spread it around so much until the general public accepts it as truth.
For example, "Me love you long time" and "Me so horny" was written by a white guy. I don't know any asian who talks like this. Those lines are from a 20 year old movie yet they still go around today strongly associated with asians.
"Asians can't drive" has no basis on reality and fact. Where is the statistical evidence that asians can't drive? Every accident that I've seen on the highways of California (I-5, I-10, 405, 101) for the past 5 years have involved a white or latino. The one who ran over 30 people in a shopping area in Los Angeles was white. The ones who killed and maimed USC students were latino. Yet those tragedies aren't attributed to those drivers' race.
Another form of subtle racism is typecasting. When was the last time you saw a straight asian-american man in a leading romantic and heroic role in a mainstream American movie or t.v. show? Why is it that a lot of large roles for asian women involve them either being a prostitute, a former prostitute, or a white man's mistress? Asian men comprise the highest amount of minority graduates from medical schools. Yet can anyone name a show that has a positive portrayal of an asian male doctor in the main cast? House, E.R., Boston Med, Scrubs, etc. refuse to cast an asian male. The only time E.R. casted an asian male was as a gay nurse who wore pink scrubs.
MTV's Real World has been running for 20 years. Not once have they casted a straight asian-american male. The only time an asian guy appeared was as a gay boyfriend to one of the main cast members. One of the main reasons they don't cast an asian male is a reason that no one wants to talk about. They don't want an asian male getting intimate with any of the women on the show.
Asian women are easily cast. 2nd season had an asian female who dated a white guy and eventually married one of the white cast members. Another season had an asian female who dated one of the white male fishmarket employees in Seattle. Another season had an asian female who crawled all over one of the other white males on there and eventually gave him a blowjob off camera.
It's fine to cast an asian on The Real World if the asian is female so as to provide more dating and sexual fodder for the white males on the show. But heaven forbid that they let an asian man anywhere near any of the females on the show.
Agree. They also like to use the "ignorance" card. I get that they are ignorant, and they just don't get it, but don't tell us we're overreacting or that our feelings are invalid.
"The thing about being Asian in North America is no one thinks youu00e2u0080u0099re subjected to any kind of racism."
Even more so in California, since it is so diverse here. But it just means that it is much more subtle, and that we are subjected to more non-Asians who think they know what they are talking about, who think that they are so enlightened.
That is the whole point of the post, though...Asians tend to (or are seen in that way, anyway) "let things go" regarding racism a lot more than other folks. We don't have a group like the NAACP backing us and making people apologize for their idiocy. She never mentioned that she DIDN'T move on after the Thai food comment, and probably doesn't need your advice.
I like the internet because I don't have to hold myself back as much as I do in real life. I wish I could be more vocal about the things that annoy or anger me regarding race, but most of my friends or colleagues are too clueless to ever want to discuss it. That's why it's kind of annoying when people try to diminish what was said and always say stuff like "you're overreacting!" or whatever. People say that in real life situations when you try to bring race issues up, so I get exasperated when I hear that online as well.
Of course I know it's irrational and I support freedom of speech etc. but I wish people would generally be more empathetic.
I think on this blog I'm in the minority, so please go easy on me. It's not easy for me to post a differing opinion when it feels like everyone else feels the same way.
I just can't see these examples as being racist. Webster's dictionary states racism is "a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race." When you say you're part Thai, and someone says they like Thai food, your automatic thought is that they themselves feel superior to you? It just sounds like they're trying to connect to you in an idiotic way.
Ignorant, yes. Racist, no.
"I guess thatu00e2u0080u0099s why you wonu00e2u0080u0099t ever see us making a fuss about racism or discrimination."
Sorry, i thought that was the whole point of this post, and a major theme in this blog in general?
I was with you in the beginning and agree that racism against Asians is much more accepted than against others, but when someone makes a comment that is meant to be complimentary and not harmful in anyway, why the need to feel offended--and if you are, why not point it out?
I see it no different than if someone says, "I'm from Germany" and I reply with, "Oh I was there 4 years ago and loved it, Berlin/Munich were great cities"..or "I'm from Spain" and I go, "Wow are you a soccer fan? Congrats on the world cup win".
The main thing I got from this post are perceptions that non-Asians have against Asians, though nothing that's meant to be ill-harmed, which I believe is where the true dangers lie.
"Where are you from" also pisses me off. And the fact that it's usually followed by "Oh, you speak so well."
UGH.
I've heard that First Nations / Native American folks get this all the time. Mostly they get, "Oh, I know someone who's Cherokee" or some other such nonsense.
I think the one I hate the most is the "Where are you from?" nonsense, which comes trotted out in so many forms. One of my coworkers actually asked me, "You were born here, weren't you?" Like what the fuck? What BESIDES my slanty eyes makes you wonder? I speak perfect goddamn California English.
It's explained in the post:
"...sprinting out of a idling car to change places with the other passengers for no apparent reason."
If some Americans think "Paris" or "Europe" is a country, it'd be quite hard to expect that they know and can differentiate every Asian cultures. The "I love Thai food" people might already be the more educated kind since they allow themselves to be exposed to foreign food and the fact is not many do. You can counter with an "I love ranch dressing/Eminem" but that wouldn't help your friendship with that person, my Asian background will tell me to let that go.
Fascinating post. Haven't experienced the same.
Have to ask though. What is a Chinese fire drill?
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