Top Internet Dating Tips for Asian Men

There are thousands of internet sites dedicated to “help” Asian men find dates. From the sheer number of sites, you would think we were all shut-ins, losers and helpless awkward shy weirdos who couldn’t put a coherent sentence together that didn’t involve computer code.

Thankfully, I am married so I don’t have to worry about this but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to help the single Asian men amongst you. As a public service to all of you (my dear readers), I have trolled the various sites and pulled the most bestest advice for you:

According to “3 Powerful Dating Tips For Asian Men”

1. Admit that it’s your fault. (Writer’s interpretation: It’s not racism that’s holding you down. It’s just the way you smell)
2. Socialize (Writer’s interpretation: Stop stalking people via Facebook and follow them in real life)
3. Work on your body language. (Writer’s interpretation: Stop slouching when watching porn at home, and sit up straight)

According to “Dating Tips For Asian Men”

1. Stop being shy! (Writer’s interpretation: Invite your friend over when watching a neighbor change)
2. Go outside the Asian gang (Writer’s interpretation: I don’t even know what to say about this one)
3. Open up (Just say something) (Writer’s interpretation: Leave weird/creepy messages about seeing them in your dreams on their Facebook walls)

According to “Tips on How to Date White Women for Asian Men”

1. Be yourself (Writer’s interpretation: Do martial arts)
2. Maintain honest and open communication (Writer’s interpretation: Tell you love her on the first date and send her 100 text messages so she doesn’t forget you)
3. Appeal to their intellectual prowess (Writer’s interpretation: Show them your college transcripts)

According to “P.U.M.A. Skills”

1. Thinking is overrated. (Writer’s interpretation: Hump their leg and don’t let that voice in your head tell you it’s wrong)
2. Talking is overrated. (Writer’s interpretation: Don’t say hi or introduce yourself, just hump their leg…What is it with me and humping legs?!?)
3. Your peer group is the most important thing. (Writer’s interpretation: Buy hot friends on Craigslist)
4. Learning has to be done in the field. (Writer’s interpretation: There are lots of farm animals in the field that won’t say no)

According to “Asian Men: 5 Tips to Date White Women”

1. Go to places where white women WILL be! And meet them. (Writer’s interpretation: Try the library at UCLA! Just don’t talk on your cellphone)
2. Make non-Asian friends. (Writer’s interpretation: The Humane Society has lots of wonderful dogs that can be adopted)
3. Pull your white girl into the Asian world. (Writer’s interpretation: Take her to Panda Express and then Yoshinoya)
4. Show her that you’re no different from any other guy. (Writer’s interpretation: Show her your gun collection)
5. Take time to learn dating skills. (Writer’s interpretation: Watch a lot of porn)

There are more. Lots more advice if you need/want it. And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention a book that I kept finding during my “research.” It’s called, ASIAN MEN: Advance Your Dating Life by Steven Lin, a dating and seduction coach.  According to his site, reading the book will “double or triple your rate of sleeping with a woman.” However, if you have to read this book, I’m afraid you’re probably a virgin.  And if you’re as good at math as I am, you should know that zero times anything is still zero.

I hope this has helped you as much as it has helped me. If you have advice for Asian men, feel free to let me know.