8 Asians

“Dear China’s Got Talent & Thailand’s Got Talent,

Yeah, yeah. I see you’re playing with the viewer’s heart strings, China, with some guy playing the piano with his feet. PLEASE — I eat that for LUNCH. (Okay, literally.) And Thailand, with your come-from-left-field transgendered vocalist meant to fight discrimination and intolerance? I scoff at you. Why? Three words: Sung-Bong Choi.

That’s right motherfuckers! This kid is an orphan who taught himself how to sing opera. OH, SNAP! And he’s been SLEEPING ON STAIRWELLS AND PUBLIC TOILETS SINCE HE WAS FIVE. Have YOUR orphaned contestants slept on stairwells since they were five? NO. You think you have contestants that make people cry? I’m gonna make you cry harder than the ending of Toy Story 3; don’t lie bitches, the theater wasn’t that dark.

See you at the brunch this weekend,
Korea’s Got Talent

(Hat tip: NEAATO)

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