It’s the holidays so I decided to forgo the hard hitting “research” based articles I usually write (The Science and History of the Asian Squat Or Do All Asians Have Flat Butts?) to bring to you something more in the spirit of the season: Christmas ornaments. Specifically, Asian “inspired” ornaments.
I admit that when I started to research this article I thought I’d find more overtly racist ornaments. Something I could get upset about. (Maybe a bucktoothed Japanese figurine or an “I hate Asians” bulb?) But in reality it was all rather tame. Most were strange, funny, and/or ironical, some were somewhat racist, and all were incredibly tacky.
Without further ado, here are my top 10 Asian themed Christmas ornaments:
#10: Asian pride
(I’m all for Asian pride, but just not sure I need to declare it on my Christmas tree)
#9: Food related (Mostly sushi)
(Asian food seems to be a popular ornament. Can’t for the life of me figure out why. I prefer eating the real thing.)
#8: Asian Santa
(I think the only reason he’s considered “Asian” is because he has a parasol. Don’t they know that Santa is Asian?)
(Not sure why anyone would want a map of Asia (or anywhere for that matter) as a Christmas ornament but to each their own.)
#6: Asian elf
(I can’t figure out why he’s Asian, but whatever the reason it’s probably racist. I give whoever made this credit though for not doing drawing slanty eyes.)
#5: Asian décor
(Seriously? Maybe to go along with your Asian themed party?)
#4: Asian king
(The ornament’s description reads, “This great design has been inspired but the tale of Aladdin and Arabian Knights.” Really?)
(There’s something ironical about celebrating the birth of Jesus by having a Buddha ornament. But I don’t know why.)
(This is just scary. Imagine having her watch you as you open your gifts. You better not be naughty!)
(Because nothing says Christmas like geishas.)
Whenever I see Asian “inspired” stuff like this, I wonder if there are any Asian/Asian American people out there who have them on their trees right now. If you do, drop me a note (with a picture). I promise I won’t make fun of you (in public).