Excited
Adopting a Chinese baby is nothing new these days in the United States. In fact, adopting a Chinese baby is fairly commonplace and has made it into mainstream popular culture, like Charlotte in Sex and the City adopting a Chinese baby named Lily. But according to Time, the trend is declining, and not because of Americans growing fear of China:
“While the Chinese government does not release domestic adoption figures, U.S.-based adoption agencies say more Chinese children are being adopted in China. “You have this cultural shift along with the economic shift, where more and more people cannot only afford to adopt a child, but culturally it’s more accepted,” says Cory Barron, foundation director at Children’s Hope International. Historically, adoption was neither socially acceptable nor a viable economic option for many families in China. But orphanages were getting crowded, prompting the government to open up to international adoptions in 1992 … A slow shift in gender perception may also be playing a role. While girls still make up 95% of children at orphanages, Zhong says that, too, has shifted. “People’s attitude toward having girls is changing dramatically,” Zhong says. “I have friends [in China] who have girls, and they are just so excited.”
I think it’s terrific that the Chinese public is more open to adoption and to adopting girls and not just boys. I’ve thought a little bit about the long-term implications of adopted Chinese baby girls growing up in the United States, which I imagine would be raised mostly by white families.
But the trend would also exacerbate the perennial question — and very popular 8Asians posting — on Why Asian Girls Go for White Guys and Stuff White People Like. I mean, if you are an ethnically Chinese woman raised in a white family from when you were a baby, I imagine that the likelihood she would be more likely to date and marry a white man compared to a Chinese American girl raised in a Chinese American family. And there is nothing wrong with that, except that it would just continue to fuel one of the most popular debates amongst the Asian American community regarding the imbalance of interracial dating between Asian American women versus men. But I digress.
The Time article goes on to detail that since more Chinese are adopting babies, China has instituted stricter requirements for foreign adoptive parents, since the adopting agencies can be a little bit more picky now with foreigners now that the Chinese are more open to adoption.
(Image source: someecards.com.)
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As an adoptive parent I can say we chose China for several reasons once we decided we would adopt our children.
Reason 1. US adoption laws are ever-changing and there are cases where legally adopted children are required to be returned to the birth parents, sometimes years after the fact. Emotionally we couldn't handle this possibility.
Reason 2. Since we chose to adopt internationally we knew that we would need to incorporate the culture and language from whatever country our child was from. Since we respected China's culture we decided China would be the country.
Reason 3. Finally there was a need. Thousands of children are in orphanages in China, for a wide variety of reasons. Some of it due to cultural preference for boys and the effects of the one-child policy, other reasons include lack of a social safety net in China, poverty, and pre-marital pregancies.
We've tried to incorporate Chinese culture into our lives with food, language and customs. Our daughter goes to a Chinese family for daycare three days a week so she is as fluent in Mandarin and English as any 3-year-old can be, I'm learning spoken and written Mandarin (it's a slow process), and we actively ensure that she has opportunties to build friendships with other adoptees from China - since only they can truly have any idea of what each other is going through.
Is it ideal for a Lao Wai to be raising a Chinese-American daughter? We think she's amazing so answer is biased but we know there'll be challenges we can't even imagine which is why we read this blog and others to read, hear and learn different viewpoints. All I know is that she's amazing and we are trying our best to raise her so that she is a proud American and also recognizes and is proud of her Chinese heritage since that is part of who she is. She's only three but she already recognizes Chinese faces - making sure to loudly announce to all in earshot - "He's Chinese, She's Chinese, I'm Chinese". Yes, Yes, You are. Is that embarassing? Of course but then kids always emabarass their parents for some reason or another.
As to the wait it's currently over 3 years for parents once they put in their extensive paperwork. The sad thing is there are still thousands of children in orphanages and foster care in China. The economic downturn is hitting China as well so we'll see if this shorten's the wait. Some of the reason for the change in wait times - it was only 6 months as little as 3 years ago - has been ascribed to China wanting to improve it's image internationally. Supposedly no adoptions were finalized in China during the months before, during and immediately after the Olympics. The wait has changed since the Olympics so who really knows and China doesn't ever comment on the wait.
Good luck and keep up the great work.
As an adoptive parent I can say we chose China for several reasons once we decided we would adopt our children.
Reason 1. US adoption laws are ever-changing and there are cases where legally adopted children are required to be returned to the birth parents, sometimes years after the fact. Emotionally we couldn't handle this possibility.
Reason 2. Since we chose to adopt internationally we knew that we would need to incorporate the culture and language from whatever country our child was from. Since we respected China's culture we decided China would be the country.
Reason 3. Finally there was a need. Thousands of children are in orphanages in China, for a wide variety of reasons. Some of it due to cultural preference for boys and the effects of the one-child policy, other reasons include lack of a social safety net in China, poverty, and pre-marital pregancies.
We've tried to incorporate Chinese culture into our lives with food, language and customs. Our daughter goes to a Chinese family for daycare three days a week so she is as fluent in Mandarin and English as any 3-year-old can be, I'm learning spoken and written Mandarin (it's a slow process), and we actively ensure that she has opportunties to build friendships with other adoptees from China - since only they can truly have any idea of what each other is going through.
Is it ideal for a Lao Wai to be raising a Chinese-American daughter? We think she's amazing so answer is biased but we know there'll be challenges we can't even imagine which is why we read this blog and others to read, hear and learn different viewpoints. All I know is that she's amazing and we are trying our best to raise her so that she is a proud American and also recognizes and is proud of her Chinese heritage since that is part of who she is. She's only three but she already recognizes Chinese faces - making sure to loudly announce to all in earshot - "He's Chinese, She's Chinese, I'm Chinese". Yes, Yes, You are. Is that embarassing? Of course but then kids always emabarass their parents for some reason or another.
As to the wait it's currently over 3 years for parents once they put in their extensive paperwork. The sad thing is there are still thousands of children in orphanages and foster care in China. The economic downturn is hitting China as well so we'll see if this shorten's the wait. Some of the reason for the change in wait times - it was only 6 months as little as 3 years ago - has been ascribed to China wanting to improve it's image internationally. Supposedly no adoptions were finalized in China during the months before, during and immediately after the Olympics. The wait has changed since the Olympics so who really knows and China doesn't ever comment on the wait.
Good luck and keep up the great work.
Sorry for being insensitive and off topic, but IR relationships are quite personal and it's really not up for us outsiders to judge. We may not know all the reasons and even if we do, most of the time it doesn't involve the people who are talking about it. If it's for questionable reasons, so be it, let it go. A lot of people get married for bad reasons in general. There's enough to handle with our own individual lives. If it's too off-topic, it's ok to delete my comment.
I checked online with the census bureau and other references. While Asian females in the States do have a higher number of IR relationsips (these are married couples) hearly 3 to 1 versus Asian Males, why would it matter since many Asian males are able to find spouses or civil partners? The numbers may give off some misconceptions because our population is still quite a low percentage overall, so keep that in mind.
Most members of each demographic group tend to be legally married with their own. Personally, I don't really think the negative stereotypes regarding Asian Males' relationship qualities hold much ground with other non-Asian people. If Asian guys really want to have a non-Asian partner, there really isn't much holding you back other than yourselves. Sometimes, it's not really the Asian background that has issues but the individual's character. Sometimes, vice versa-if that's the case it's often because of the family members who step in.
Sorry for being insensitive and off topic, but IR relationships are quite personal and it's really not up for us outsiders to judge. We may not know all the reasons and even if we do, most of the time it doesn't involve the people who are talking about it. If it's for questionable reasons, so be it, let it go. A lot of people get married for bad reasons in general. There's enough to handle with our own individual lives. If it's too off-topic, it's ok to delete my comment.
I checked online with the census bureau and other references. While Asian females in the States do have a higher number of IR relationsips (these are married couples) hearly 3 to 1 versus Asian Males, why would it matter since many Asian males are able to find spouses or civil partners? The numbers may give off some misconceptions because our population is still quite a low percentage overall, so keep that in mind.
Most members of each demographic group tend to be legally married with their own. Personally, I don't really think the negative stereotypes regarding Asian Males' relationship qualities hold much ground with other non-Asian people. If Asian guys really want to have a non-Asian partner, there really isn't much holding you back other than yourselves. Sometimes, it's not really the Asian background that has issues but the individual's character. Sometimes, vice versa-if that's the case it's often because of the family members who step in.
I agree that whether China adoptees date white guys or Asian guys is not a big issue, but here's one data point for you. The latest study of Korean adoptees showed that more male Korean adoptees married Korean women than did female Korean adoptees. Any guess why? Most of the women adoptees said they were not interested in a relationship with Korean men who tend to have very traditional ideas about the role of women. Just FYI.
I agree that whether China adoptees date white guys or Asian guys is not a big issue, but here's one data point for you. The latest study of Korean adoptees showed that more male Korean adoptees married Korean women than did female Korean adoptees. Any guess why? Most of the women adoptees said they were not interested in a relationship with Korean men who tend to have very traditional ideas about the role of women. Just FYI.
[They might overlap in some cases but I think trans-national adoptions and IR relationshps are two different topics to talk about. Most people end up with partners who have the same goals and race/ethnicity/culture]
Human psychology have found that most people usually prefer their love/relationships partners whom they can find themselves in ( exception is sexual interests ) and yes that could play on race/ethnicity/religion.
The dating disparity itself between asian women with white men is a different topic altogether.
Asian who have assimilated or adoptees raised by a white families could be a contributing factor..
However it should not be the reason binding on dating preferences or naturally discourage any asian females from dating asian males especially if that asian male from the same ethnic background. It would probably be more interesting for the female to learning more (if it was considered).
What makes the disparity so uncomfortable is the fact that white men have no problems with dating their non-english-speaking-foreign-cultured-asian-fetish-sized geisha hyper-sexualized exotic asian china doll.
Other plausible factors could racist social norms, media influence, racial stereotypes, hegemony, white patriarchy, cultural misconceptions on male masculinities etc.
Anyway moving on, sorry about over-elaborated on the IR.
Adoptees - China should be keeping more of the women since there's imbalance of the gender ratio. Maybe they should send more males abroad :D
If society was a little more 'ethnic friendly' perhaps adoption may not cause such such a stigma for adoptees having to grow up in a white family in a white society with the media continuously bashing China almost 24/7. I have to talk to more adoptees about this because I have only read books and they did not seem very happy.
The China adoptee numbers should drop since China is making it's way up.
China isn't on list for world vision child sponsorship anymore.
Mongolia might still be struggling a little bit, I am currently sponsoring a child over there.
I don't really feel that they need to be brought over here unless necessary, I prefer them to being around their people and their culture if it's good for them. Food, shelter, medical care, education should be enough.
Who knows they could grow up to be more valuable to their communities.
[They might overlap in some cases but I think trans-national adoptions and IR relationshps are two different topics to talk about. Most people end up with partners who have the same goals and race/ethnicity/culture]
Human psychology have found that most people usually prefer their love/relationships partners whom they can find themselves in ( exception is sexual interests ) and yes that could play on race/ethnicity/religion.
The dating disparity itself between asian women with white men is a different topic altogether.
Asian who have assimilated or adoptees raised by a white families could be a contributing factor..
However it should not be the reason binding on dating preferences or naturally discourage any asian females from dating asian males especially if that asian male from the same ethnic background. It would probably be more interesting for the female to learning more (if it was considered).
What makes the disparity so uncomfortable is the fact that white men have no problems with dating their non-english-speaking-foreign-cultured-asian-fetish-sized geisha hyper-sexualized exotic asian china doll.
Other plausible factors could racist social norms, media influence, racial stereotypes, hegemony, white patriarchy, cultural misconceptions on male masculinities etc.
Anyway moving on, sorry about over-elaborated on the IR.
Adoptees - China should be keeping more of the women since there's imbalance of the gender ratio. Maybe they should send more males abroad :D
If society was a little more 'ethnic friendly' perhaps adoption may not cause such such a stigma for adoptees having to grow up in a white family in a white society with the media continuously bashing China almost 24/7. I have to talk to more adoptees about this because I have only read books and they did not seem very happy.
The China adoptee numbers should drop since China is making it's way up.
China isn't on list for world vision child sponsorship anymore.
Mongolia might still be struggling a little bit, I am currently sponsoring a child over there.
I don't really feel that they need to be brought over here unless necessary, I prefer them to being around their people and their culture if it's good for them. Food, shelter, medical care, education should be enough.
Who knows they could grow up to be more valuable to their communities.
I'm sort of leaning towards the idea that the bigger reason why more are being adopted within the country is that many can afford to. I read this same story in another online commentary (which included a few Adoptee parents). Of course, it's getting more socially-culturally accepted, and that's a good thing. However, given China's turbulent history and society, it shouldn't be a huge surprise why if they can afford to they will.
Yes, many people (not just in Asia) care more about blood relations and prefer males over females, but there has always been individuals and families in those societies who don't mind. The idea of adoption is nothing new, but it's good to hear that more minds are opening up.
They might overlap in some cases but I think trans-national adoptions and IR relationshps are two different topics to talk about. Most people end up with partners who have the same goals and race/ethnicity/culture doesn't have to play a big part in it per se. Bluntly speaking, same-sex issues are sort of a catergory on their own, mainly because this conservative-family mentality is still very strong. Even in the most liberal societies so, well...
I'm sort of leaning towards the idea that the bigger reason why more are being adopted within the country is that many can afford to. I read this same story in another online commentary (which included a few Adoptee parents). Of course, it's getting more socially-culturally accepted, and that's a good thing. However, given China's turbulent history and society, it shouldn't be a huge surprise why if they can afford to they will.
Yes, many people (not just in Asia) care more about blood relations and prefer males over females, but there has always been individuals and families in those societies who don't mind. The idea of adoption is nothing new, but it's good to hear that more minds are opening up.
They might overlap in some cases but I think trans-national adoptions and IR relationshps are two different topics to talk about. Most people end up with partners who have the same goals and race/ethnicity/culture doesn't have to play a big part in it per se. Bluntly speaking, same-sex issues are sort of a catergory on their own, mainly because this conservative-family mentality is still very strong. Even in the most liberal societies so, well...
"Unless 100% of Asian women avoid Asian men, there is always a possibility for the disparity to become even worse."
I'm unclear on why this is an issue. Yes, I agree that media and other outlets need to not stereotype ethically Asian men, but why all the judgment on who people date, and why all the pressure on adoptees to conform to a certain model of appropriate behavior around dating? Hasn't anyone read 100% Hapa? Seen the work of the MAVIN organization?
Wake up people--we are all in a society now where multi-racial families, and multi-race/ethnic individuals will become more and more of a presence. That's not to say ignoring or becoming "colorblind" but instead, embracing the many variations that make up who we are, and not assuming that like with like is best. To say otherwise negates the value and significance of those families who are outside of any "norm".
Not to mention the assumptions made about adoptive families and the ways in which they often embrace their child's birth culture, making it a part of their larger family culture.
It's the same with fearing that same sex couples cannot adequately parent a child--and I agree with John that this is a large part of what these Chinese policy changes are about.
"Unless 100% of Asian women avoid Asian men, there is always a possibility for the disparity to become even worse."
I'm unclear on why this is an issue. Yes, I agree that media and other outlets need to not stereotype ethically Asian men, but why all the judgment on who people date, and why all the pressure on adoptees to conform to a certain model of appropriate behavior around dating? Hasn't anyone read 100% Hapa? Seen the work of the MAVIN organization?
Wake up people--we are all in a society now where multi-racial families, and multi-race/ethnic individuals will become more and more of a presence. That's not to say ignoring or becoming "colorblind" but instead, embracing the many variations that make up who we are, and not assuming that like with like is best. To say otherwise negates the value and significance of those families who are outside of any "norm".
Not to mention the assumptions made about adoptive families and the ways in which they often embrace their child's birth culture, making it a part of their larger family culture.
It's the same with fearing that same sex couples cannot adequately parent a child--and I agree with John that this is a large part of what these Chinese policy changes are about.
Sure, I can understand the hypothesis behind adopted Asians going for interracial relationships, but do we have proof about this? Or is it just fearful assumption?
I feel like there are more important issues to address with international adoption then worrying if these Chinese girls are going to end up with white guys.
Sure, I can understand the hypothesis behind adopted Asians going for interracial relationships, but do we have proof about this? Or is it just fearful assumption?
I feel like there are more important issues to address with international adoption then worrying if these Chinese girls are going to end up with white guys.
"If Asian girls who are being raised in Asian homes are choosing white guys in disproportionate numbers, why would being raised in a white home make any difference."
Unless 100% of Asian women avoid Asian men, there is always a possibility for the disparity to become even worst. For those adoptees, whiteness becomes much more normalized since they're raised by white parents who instill them with white values, while Asians become much more foreign and otherized than for one raised by Asian parents. A lot of the IR disparity has to do with perception and portrayal, where Asian men are made out to be weak and effeminate while paradoxically misogynistic, qualities very far from the ideal norm of what a good partner should have. Becoming even more foreign to an adoptee, Asian men are even more foreign and strange, something to be avoided.
"If Asian girls who are being raised in Asian homes are choosing white guys in disproportionate numbers, why would being raised in a white home make any difference."
Unless 100% of Asian women avoid Asian men, there is always a possibility for the disparity to become even worst. For those adoptees, whiteness becomes much more normalized since they're raised by white parents who instill them with white values, while Asians become much more foreign and otherized than for one raised by Asian parents. A lot of the IR disparity has to do with perception and portrayal, where Asian men are made out to be weak and effeminate while paradoxically misogynistic, qualities very far from the ideal norm of what a good partner should have. Becoming even more foreign to an adoptee, Asian men are even more foreign and strange, something to be avoided.
Hmmm. Where to start...
First:
China is instituting stricter regulations for a number of reasons - some of which are good and many of which are totally messed up. There is plenty of information about the policy change out there and I think you need to learn more. Not trying to sound harsh, but your comments are not well informed. One of the big sticking points with China has always been the issue of same-sex couples adopting children. Because China previously allowed "single" people to adopt, a member of a same-sex couple would claim "single" status (as most US states now constitutionally mandate). Many other countries, Korea being a good example, have traditionally allowed adoption only to younger, heterosexual, and legally married couples. I hope it works out in China. In the 1980's, Korea stopped international adoption altogether and was caught unprepared - thousands and thousands of babies were left to languish without families. It only got better for these children when Korea reversed its policy.
Second:
In terms of assuming that ethnically Asian children who are raised in a white household will choose a white spouse BECAUSE their parents are white is just messed up - and is at odds with what you write in your post. If Asian girls who are being raised in Asian homes are choosing white guys in disproportionate numbers, why would being raised in a white home make any difference.
Hmmm. Where to start...
First:
China is instituting stricter regulations for a number of reasons - some of which are good and many of which are totally messed up. There is plenty of information about the policy change out there and I think you need to learn more. Not trying to sound harsh, but your comments are not well informed. One of the big sticking points with China has always been the issue of same-sex couples adopting children. Because China previously allowed "single" people to adopt, a member of a same-sex couple would claim "single" status (as most US states now constitutionally mandate). Many other countries, Korea being a good example, have traditionally allowed adoption only to younger, heterosexual, and legally married couples. I hope it works out in China. In the 1980's, Korea stopped international adoption altogether and was caught unprepared - thousands and thousands of babies were left to languish without families. It only got better for these children when Korea reversed its policy.
Second:
In terms of assuming that ethnically Asian children who are raised in a white household will choose a white spouse BECAUSE their parents are white is just messed up - and is at odds with what you write in your post. If Asian girls who are being raised in Asian homes are choosing white guys in disproportionate numbers, why would being raised in a white home make any difference.
That's a really interesting point you bring up about the assimilation of adopted Chinese children in American society. We're seeing the first group of these kids grow up since international adoption was first allowed in 1992 -- I'm currently doing some research on this and will let you know what I find. :)
That's a really interesting point you bring up about the assimilation of adopted Chinese children in American society. We're seeing the first group of these kids grow up since international adoption was first allowed in 1992 -- I'm currently doing some research on this and will let you know what I find. :)
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