Mixed Feelings: When Others Assume You’re Half-Asian

By Guest Writer | Sunday, January 17, 2010 | 14 Comments

Thanks for visiting 8Asians, a blog about Asian American issues. If you find this interesting, subscribe to the RSS feed, visit our Facebook Page or add us on Twitter!

By Mandy

I’m 100% Korean. But a lot of people – mostly Asians, in fact – mistake me for being half-white.

To be honest, my gut reaction is glee. Half-Asian girls are always gorgeous, so being mistaken for one – to me – implies that maybe I, too, fall into this category of attractive females. But beyond my momentary glee, I wonder why I take this occasional misidentification as such a compliment: Do I simply like being thought of as pretty by association, or is it something more ideologically fraught?

Indeed, I have somewhat atypical physical traits for an Asian person: my eyelids are double-folded, I am relatively tall, and my hair is a mass of natural curls. I like these qualities not because they enhance my appearance, but more for their way of making me a little more effortlessly unique.

But what does “unique” mean in this context? By “unique” do I really mean “non-Asian?” Because I am pleased by my physical characteristics, which are often seen as being more Western, am I then affirming how Western aesthetics are an underlying ideal standard of beauty? And when it comes to physically identifying ethnicity, can differences from the norm be seen as harmless uniqueness, or does it subconsciously become an exercise in examining racial features (that might not even be inherent) and/or racial desirability?

Now that I live in Japan, I frequently see all sorts of made-up Japanese women with chemically altered hair and bug-eyed color contacts. But I don’t think these women are trying to mimic another race – though, since it is Japan, there are always extremes like the ganguro Tokyo girls who, as the word literally implies, wear blackface. Rather, the majority probably just want to enhance their appearance by straying from the brown-eyed, black-haired norm of Asian ethnicity. (Ironically, like most other “deviant” aesthetic trends this leads to the normalization of the once different-looking people, who all end up looking the same. And then it becomes a whole new norm that people are compelled to follow; but that is another issue.) Perhaps then a tangential but relevant question is how the “aesthetic norm” can be challenged and reaffirmed by conflicting (and racially-charged?) notions of beauty.

Likewise, I have had a strange history with my appearance. Throughout my childhood and teenage years, my eyes were very asymmetrical. My left eye was “Asian,” almond-shaped with a single lid; while my right eye was rounder with a more well-defined double lid, which I nicknamed the “White eye” (for its Caucasian-style eyelid). I would spend hours in front of the mirror tugging at my eyelids, futilely pining for symmetry with either “ethnicity”. Then, about six years ago, my Asian eye inexplicably acquired a second fold and has stayed that way ever since. Similarly, my straight hair turned wavy by the end of high school, and some time during college I acquired unstoppable ringlets.

Though I like the odd changes in my appearance, I don’t consciously equate these changes with looking more Caucasian, per se. I like looking “normal” – having two symmetrical-looking eyes – but “unique” – my eyes are not the usual “Asian” ones. Interestingly, living in Asia made me realize that my standards of “normality” are undeniably skewed by having grown up in American Whiteness; I thought my uneven eyes and pre-orthodontic snaggletooth were just plain freakish, but I see people with these characteristics quite frequently in Japan. Here, then, it seems rather “normal” and maybe even trendy. Still, this idea of fitting into a norm, whatever it may be, but being “positively” different from it is alluded to once again.

I discussed this topic with my best friend, who happens to be mixed race, and she brought up a simple but very true point: discourse aside, it can be somewhat of a “primal thrill” to be seen as a different race from what you actually are. There is certainly an element of this unexplainable rush that draws me to the idea that I might look half-White; having always felt physically (and socially, though my “privilege” has confused that) separate from Whiteness, it can be fun to not only “trick” people with my apparently elusive ethnicity but maybe even look good – really, have you ever seen an unattractive half-Asian girl? – in the process.

ABOUT MANDY: Mandy is currently living in Japan. And yes, she’s tried natto; it’s all right.

Categories:

(featured)LifestylesObservations

NOTE: 8Asians.com is a community, and we thank you for being a part of it. While we welcome and appreciate differences in opinion, if you're rude or you're promoting spam, we have a right to edit or delete your comment. Read our comment policy for more information.

If you see a comment that violates the 8Asians.com comment policy, you may flag the comment by mousing over the comment and clicking "FLAG."

Facebook Comments (Beta)

MaSir

Question for you Mandy,Would you feel the same kind of emotional glee if people thought you looked half Black or half Cambodian? I’m not trying to be an argumentative asshole, but when are we as an Asian community going to stop jockin’ white people like they’re the de facto standard of beauty? You touch upon it briefly in your post but I think this is something that is often taken for granted and overlookedNot to be too tangential, but non-surgically enhanced double eyelids is quite prevalent in Asia. I agree with you in that having or wanting double eyelids does not equate to whiteness. Many women get double eyelid surgery because it makes it easier when putting on make up in addition to making their eyes a bit bigger, not necessarily to look white. I’m sure you’re aware of this just as much as I am being here. There has never been an instance where I see a woman in Korea who is tall with double eyelids and think she looks white. Perhaps you really do look half-white? **shrugs** What annoys me sometimes is when people say Asians get surgery to look White. But if that really were the case, we would also try to 1) look fat gaining 20-30 lbs 2) deepen our eye sockets 3) get a rhinoplasty for gargantuan noses 4) dye our hair blonde 5) wear blue-green color contacts and 6) try to age much faster than we beautifully do. Because Asians maintain their youthful looks and slender bodies I’m going to say white people are trying to look like US since they’re always obsessing over looking younger and losing weight!Getting back to the topic, yes it is fun to trick people. Nobody ever guesses my ethnicity correctly in the states.
Confuse_Us

People often mistake me for a half-white person because I sweat alot for an Asian. Even though my excessive sweating separates me from other Asians (and some caucasians), I find myself strangely titilated and excited by the thought of one of my own bodily fluids being viewed as something that makes me unique and distinguishable from regular, run-of-the-mill Asians.
erika888

This, this and this.

I also think it’s an unfair stereotype to say all “half-Asian” (white) women are attractive. Positive stereotypes are still stereotypes, after all.

And I also find it problematic to imply that being “half-Asian” means “1/2 white, 1/2 Asian”.
bill poon

Oh man, I thought we were pass the, “he got blue contact lenses, so he wants to be white”, “she dyed her hair blonde, so she wants to be white”. And if you get fake boobs, its definitely not cuz you wanna be white, you just want dudes. Style is universal and is incidental to Caucasian (or whatever they call themselves now) traits. Lets not give them all the credit after all, every ethnicity has vain people.
howrude

Standards of beauty aside. I’d just like to say racism is ugly. Ma Sir I consider you to be an ugly person and feel your comments don’t warrant further comment. In my opinion this comment goes against the spirit of this blog. I would love to have seen this comment moderated because it just ruined my day. Shame on me though for listening to what some people on the internet have to say.
howrude

Standards of beauty aside. I’d just like to say racism is ugly. Ma Sir I consider you to be an ugly person and feel your comments don’t warrant further comment.

In my opinion this comment goes against the spirit of this blog. I would love to have seen this comment moderated because it just ruined my day. Shame on me though for listening to what some people on the internet have to say.
MaSir

@howrude:

So I’m an ugly person because I think 1) Asian women are the best looking, 2) ought to embrace their beauty and heritage, and 3) shouldn’t have to kowtow to this notion that white is unequivocally beautiful? This definitely makes me an individual who is proud of their Asian ethnicity, but certainly not a racist. ^_^

Your personal attack spewed against me is meritless, and likewise ugly, but I don’t understand how it answers a legitimate question as to why there is an incessant plugging and promoting of whiteness as being the de facto beauty standard.

Beauty comes in all colors.
howrude

Against my better judgement I will respond to Ma Sir again. I unequivocably said nothing about beauty. I happen to think Asian people or all shapes and sizes are beautiful. Would I be on this blog if I thought otherwise? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But, to put down one type of standard of beauty for another is fraught with racism. As a bi-racial women who is both Japanese and white I found your comment offensive. You may enjoy getting a rise out of others, but I would suggest that you be careful with words because they carry strong connotation. What I’m taking issue with is your tirade:

“What annoys me sometimes is when people say Asians get surgery to look White. But if that really were the case, we would also try to 1) look fat gaining 20-30 lbs 2) deepen our eye sockets 3) get a rhinoplasty for gargantuan noses 4) dye our hair blonde 5) wear blue-green color contacts and 6) try to age much faster than we beautifully do”

By the way…those are stereotypes and unwarranted ones which is why I called your comments ugly. I obviously have no idea what you look like.
MaSir

That is correct. It does have a strong connotation. My post however, was not to put down one type of standard of beauty over another. You may interpret it this way, but on the contrary this was the least of my intentions.

I was simply calling into question why “white” or anything mixed thereof is frequently being plugged as beautiful. When Asian women alter their physical appearance, such as eyelid surgery, more often times than not, there is a preconceived notion punctuated with criticism of them trying to look “white”. Or, the common presupposition that children who are half-white are bound to be beautiful. Take China as another example. White models are in demand more than any other ethnic models out there (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/12/25/AR2009122501766.html).

Well kudos to you if you’re white or half-white, but where does that leave other people of color who aren’t? Where does that leave the plethora of beautiful Asian women AND men out there who aspire to be an ambassador of beauty? Answer: Downplayed, slept on or them idolizing one type of racial beauty over *ALL* others. Now that is fraught with racism.

Lastly, yes they are stereotypes and may be unwarranted, but so is this pervasive notion of whiteness as the de facto beauty standard.
http://my.8asians.com/profile/D Sticky Rice!

Meooowwwwww!!!

SR.
azhyan

actually i HAVE seen unattractive hapa girls. let’s not fetishize hapas now. after all, they want to be seen as people just like everyone else too
matt1914

“I was simply calling into question why “white” or anything mixed thereof is frequently being plugged as beautiful.” How is carrying an extra 20-30 pounds, having a gargantuan nose, and looking aged play into the popularized notion of white beauty? I doubt you’ll find any of the aforementioned traits in the white models being scooped up by China. By taking these widely undesirable traits out of context you seem to be implying that Asians are in fact superior for lacking such qualities. I doubt if the situation was reversed, you’d like to hear someone comment that flat faces, broad noses, and small slanted eyes should be taken into consideration by white people trying to look like Asian models.

Granted, there is a lot to be said about the role that race plays in mass media portrayals of beauty. However, any valid point you have on the matter is tinged by the way you seemed to enjoy highlighting flaws found supposedly throughout the majority of white people. I on the other hand, take no satisfaction in my characterization of Asians but rather felt it necessary to highlight the ugliness in your original post, as mentioned by howrude.
MaSir

“Granted, there is a lot to be said about the role that race plays in mass media portrayals of beauty.”

‘Nuff said.
http://twitter.com/Luv4theGame Philip

Good questions. Yes this is true, double eyelids is a feature found in many Asian people especially SouthEast Asians. EvenJet Li, from China, has double eyelids. Not sure how height and being tall would automatically attribute to being White, otherwise people would be questioning if Yao Ming was bi-racial as well.I find it interesting and sometimes disturbing how the mainstream can affect the perception of beauty. In this blog, being identified or mistaken as “Half-White” brings glee to the bogger since the perception of being half white is seen as beautiful. On the other hand, there are people today who get a glee gut reaction when they are mistaken as “Koreans” – mostly due to the Korean wave.

8 Asians