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To The White Guy Who Tried To Give Me Pointers On How To Snag A White Guy

By akrypti | Friday, January 20, 2012 | 33 Comments

angry 600x387 To The White Guy Who Tried To Give Me Pointers On How To Snag A White Guy

To the white guy who tried to give me pointers on how to snag a white guy:

My professional obligation in the context at hand was to convince you to sign a contract that would fork over half a million dollars to my company and so I couldn’t say then any of what I am about to say now.

First, sit back, sailor, no even farther. Do you see what I am doing here with the gesturing? I am drawing a circle with a 10 foot radius around me. This is my personal space. Do not enter. We each have our own copies of the file. You do not need to crawl so close and peer over my shoulders. In fact, you probably shouldn’t. My hubby is a very big, brawny (Asian) man and you know those Asian men… they’ve got tempers… you wouldn’t want to incite his. Plus, he’s got youth on his side. You evidently do not. So don’t get zippy with me, old man.

No part of the conversation reasonably opened the course for your digression into how wonderful Asian women are, how wonderful white men are also, and how the two are perfect for each other. Adam and Ai-Ling, was your joke. I bet you were set out to bring it up. I could have said, “Pluto.” And you would have replied, “Yes, Pluto, you know that reminds me of Asian women and white men…”

You started in about Asian men first, yes, if I recall, that’s how it started. “Why are Asian women marrying out in staggering numbers? It’s because Asian men are so horrible to their women. They mistreat them. They neglect them. They don’t know how to make a woman happy.”

In the instant with no chance for aforethought, I didn’t know what else to say but a dull, contrived “now we’re just stereotyping.”

“That’s why every Asian woman I know is so desperate to snag a white guy, but for some reason they just can’t. They don’t know how. They’re shy, they’re more traditional, they don’t know how to talk to a white guy. Let me give you some pointers.”

Up to then, my strategy for dealing with you had been to be completely non-responsive to the shit you’d been saying.

Then you asked me, “Is your husband white or…”

I stopped you right there and said “he’s Asian” in the same tone one might say “fuck you.” But you didn’t have a clue. You said “oh.”

You paused before you went at it again, croaking on. Shall we summarize? Let’s see, you mentioned how high the divorce rate is in China, how easy divorces are to get over there, and you know why there are so many divorces in China? Because the Chinese men there don’t know how to take care of their women. And now these Chinese women divorcées. What are they to do? A Chinese man would never agree to marry a divorced woman! These Chinese women now have no choice but to marry a white guy. We white guys, we don’t care about things like that! We’re open-minded.

Oh, you mentioned something about Japanese men being short, so someone as tall as me (I’m not actually that tall, but you’re right, I’m taller than you) wouldn’t ever want a Japanese man. You asked whether my husband was tall. I said yes, a whole head taller than me. You said, “huh, that’s odd.” By the way, you urge, I really oughta visit Tokyo. Fascinating place. Lots of single Japanese women there, you said. You know why? You weren’t even really asking, you know. I didn’t say a thing and you jumped right on. Because they’re so intelligent and so beautiful that they can’t find any Japanese guys to match. My attention was on the wall clock. You realize this part of the conversation took 32 minutes, by itself, right?

Believe you me, I was on alert for any chance at all to reel the conversation back to business, but you kept yapping and yapping and yapping away. Every statement out of your mouth was even more incendiary than the one before. I bet you thought you were complimenting me, or at least the women from my race? We’re so intelligent. We’re so driven. We’re so beautiful. We’re so feminine. This segment of your drivel went on for about 15 minutes before you tied it back to white guys.

You: “So this Asian woman, she has a Ph.D., she’s stunning like a supermodel. She marries this white guy. A janitor! Can you believe it?”

Me: “How unfortunate for her.” Since unresponsiveness was failing miserably for me, I opted for a little subtle snark to your inane remarks. Oops. Too subtle. You missed it completely.

You: “No! You’re missing my point! He may be just a janitor, but he worships her! He treats her like a queen! He treats her better than any Asian guy ever could. It’s not about money. Asian women just want to be loved!”

Me: “No, we like the money.”

You forced a laugh, a big howl of a laugh. “You’re funny,” you said. Perhaps you don’t know Asian women as well as you think. Because, no, we really do like the money. I cast my eyes purposely down at the dotted line and slid the contract a little closer to you.

20 more minutes of rambling and then you told what you thought was a joke, I’ve already forgotten it now, but then you did one of those smiling sighs that people do after a laugh and before the last bit of air from that breath left you, I interjected. “Well then, shall we wrap up?”

I stormed out of there pissed off, but no, not at you, not directly. I was pissed at myself for not saying everything I wanted to say. I was pissed at my job, and at life for being put in that situation. I was pissed at the world and its injustices, because people like you will end up winning anyway. You will be the Adam to your Ai-Ling, not a clue in the world about the reality of interracial dynamics. You will be convinced until the day you die that you saved your Ai-Ling from a horrifying fate of being married to an Asian man. No one will ever be there to successfully refute you.

And to the 8A community, yeah, I know what I did here. I brought it up, IR. It was about time or something. The Asian Godwin strikes again. On a humorous note, one of the things that white guy said: “You know, people don’t talk about interracial dating between white men and Asian women enough.” To which I wanted to reply, “You obviously do not read 8A.”

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  • darkpbj

    I live in a small isolated town, but it’s a college town too. The result is typically that the racial gap consists of good old home-grown Americans, an overwhelming population of clueless Asian exchange students (and don’t get me wrong when I say clueless–try dropping one of these typical dudes in the middle of backwater China) and a smattering a Asian Americans. The sad thing is that all too often these guys see nothing but fresh-arrival Chinese students rife with culture shock, and draw the most ridiculous conclusions . . . *sigh* yellow fever bugs me

  • http://www.bigwowo.com/ bigWOWO

    Haha! Another awesome post, Akrypti!

    I suppose I should step back, and let other commenters accuse Asian men of just being bitter about the success of enlightened men like the old man. “You’re just bitter.” Yay to Adam. Go Ai Ling. Yay yellow fever, hooray for Pinkerton Syndrome. Vote Pedro.

  • DJKuulA

    Are you sure that wasn’t Stephen Colbert in disguise?

  • ballsonchin

    Yeah, but lets get real here, you being an exception, the majority of female contributors on 8Asians “just happen” to be with a white guy. Hmm….

  • ballsonchin

    Maybe you could use some saving Akrypti.

  • ballsonchin

    Ok, I’m sorry for the sarcasm. What I’m trying to say is that we’ve heard of this many times and that racist behavior is wrong. But you and I both know that there is a visible mentality that is influencing, enforcing, and prolonging this type of atrocious behavior, and we need to do something about it as well.

  • Krantzstone

    @ballsonchin

    Wouldn’t that suggest that Asian women _do_ know how to get with a white guy? Not like they would need to do anything but just stand there, considering the number of rice-chasers I’ve seen who are stuck on Asian women, literally like white on rice. ;P

    Hanging out with my sister, I’m constantly aware of how many white men fetishize Asian women and come on to them in ways they would never think of doing to women of other ethnicities (and especially to white women). Also just from hanging out with my sister, I’ll get these white guys blatantly talking down to me and insulting me because they make the mistaken assumption that I’m her date, and they want to try and impress her by making me look bad. ;P I’d be more offended if it weren’t so pathetic.

    And I have no problem with IR whatsover (I’d be a hypocrite otherwise) and I don’t feel ‘territorial’ about Asian women: they’re free thinking individuals who are free to date, marry, have sexual relations with whoever they like. But I’m protective of my sister and my sister gets a lot of these creepy guys that she doesn’t know how to get them off her back, and they’re bloody persistent. She doesn’t even like going to clubs anymore because these guys will just grab her out of nowhere when she’s out dancing, and she’ll often beg me to go out with her and some of her female Asian friends just because she knows my presence can help keep these predatory white guys away from them.

    And the funny thing is, my sister _does_ like Caucasian men: she’s just really particular about the kind of man she’s into, it’s not like she’ll just date any white guy. And perhaps unfortunately for all concerned, these guys who come on so strong and are so clueless really aren’t her type, and they really are rather rude (even when not drunk) to not take a hint that she’s not interested, or keep persisting long after she’s said ‘NO’ in no uncertain terms.

  • Krantzstone

    @ballsonchin

    White fetishism of Asian women does bother me because I see this racist mentality working, this imperialist/colonialist attitude towards Asian women, the Miss Saigon stereotype, or the ‘sucky sucky five dollah’, all the most demeaning view of Asian women sexually objectified, being stereotyped as being shy, demure, subservient, obedient, etc. when the reality is that there are Asian women of all kinds, and sure, there are some who might fit the stereotype, but to stereotype all Asian women as being this way, when most of the Asian women I’ve met have been strong, assertive, capable, intelligent, outspoken and a force to be reckoned with, is really an insult to any Asian woman (or any woman for that matter) who doesn’t fit this terrible stereotype.sian men.

    And don’t even get me started on white male heterosexual attitudes towards Asian men. ;P I think the guy in this article exemplifies the white hetero male’s racist contempt for Asian males.

  • http://www.erniehsiung.com/ Ernie H.

    @ballsonchin Easy to say from an anonymous profile. You’re welcome to provide a identifying information and repeat those same comments but until then, banned.

  • David06

    *sigh* another article on ir dating?

  • Laciemn

    I can’t believe he acted like this woman was so lucky to be married to a janitor. I think I might have laughed just from the weirdness of that conversation. I wouldn’t even want to be treated like a queen by a husband. I prefer equality. Who wants a servant husband?

    In the end, I think you did the right thing. Even if you would have spoken up, it probably wouldn’t make much difference. I don’t think anything could get through such a thick skull.

  • Laciemn

    @Krantzstone@ballsonchin Ask your sister to practice a withering look in the mirror. Then she can give this look to the guys. Persistent guys often ignore words. It’s harder for them to ignore a woman’s scorn. I’m white but I have this problem with Hispanic men.

  • Laciemn

    @Krantzstone@ballsonchin Ask your sister to practice a withering look in the mirror. Then she can give this look to the guys. Persistent guys often ignore words. It’s harder for them to ignore a woman’s scorn.

  • Danny_Ahmed

    That sounds quite messed up to go on and on about that topic, when you’re in the middle of doing some type of work.

    I don’t think the Asian female fetish will die down anytime soon, but (and I’m really hoping with fingers crossed) it could gradually lessen and be more sane as we get more and more women out there like Clara Shih, Judy Chu, Chien Shiung Wu and many others. More of these Asian female figureheads emerging on the world stage. Just saying.

  • Danny_Ahmed

    Oh before people start jumping on my comment, I do believe that all women ought to be respected, regardless of their looks, accomplishments, status or sexual preferences.

  • Danny_Ahmed

    I look forward to a new 8A article on IR discussing yellow fever among non-Asian women towards Asian males.

  • David06

    @Danny_Ahmed yellow fever among non-asian women? doesn’t that contradict the theory that asian men aren’t sought after and also, why so much discourse on asian interracial dating? if people don’t have a problem with interracial dating then why the discussions? not trying to start any arguments just curious at the somewhat contradictions.

  • Takuma

    That guy sounds like an ass…he should have taken the hint. People like this guy I hope are few and far between. This topic creates lots of heated debates and whatnot, but sadly just the discrimination and stereotypes about Asians in general whether it be women being oversexualized or men being undesirable just make me feel terrible to say the least. Especially when you see guys like in the article or people filled with “self hate” about where they came from.

    As much as I’d actually like to contribute to the group other than that general answer…As far as dating goes, I really have no clue. But I suppose I can worry about that later even if it is annoying to hear my grandmother ask every single time she calls if I have a girlfriend lol, not that lucky.

    ON A SIDE NOTE, did you at least convince him to sign that 500k contract? You never said in the story ):

  • http://www.8asians.com/author/akrypti/ akrypti

    @Takuma

    I did, though that didn’t turn out to be a good thing. We will be seeing him around even more frequently now.

  • http://www.8asians.com/author/akrypti/ akrypti

    @David06

    yes, yes david. another one.

  • Danny_Ahmed

    @David06

    I don’t know hot to put this into good words, but I think more or less, yellow fever among non-asian women probably only contradicts the guys and gays (Asian or non) who actually believe in that un-desirable Asian male image. People may have this idea floating around in their heads, but to believe in it whole-heartily takes it to another level and are probably fewer in number.

    I don’t know how others think, but from my perspective, I think the overall discourse on asian interracial dating is dealing with those freaks who take insane approaches to the whole ordeal (such as the guy akrypti has to deal with or the creeps Krantzstone sees).

    As to why there are a lot of discussions on IR dating, I can’t really explain. You don’t really have to have a problem with it to talk about the topic.

  • ClaraStockwood

    @Krantzstone@ballsonchin Could you elaborate on how white guys “talk down” to you while you are with your sister? And how do white guys talk to you when you aren’t with your sister? Thanks!

  • Krantzstone

    @ClaraStockwood@ballsonchin

    I can’t recall exactly what they said, since it’s been a while since I’ve been out to the clubs, but it usually starts off as some variation on the ‘are you with this guy?’, ‘why are you with this guy?’, or ‘do you know this guy?’ and then proceeds downhill from there. They’re not outright racist in what they say, but generally they treat me in a hostile and condescending manner … until they find out I’m her brother, and then suddenly they’re all apologetic and like ‘sorry dude!’ and sucking up to me. ;PI haven’t met too many non-rice chaser guys who would blatantly hit on a woman they believe is with a date, and even fewer who would do it with the supposed boyfriend of their target standing right in front of them. They’ll blatantly put on this overt display of machismo, pulling themselves up to their full height, strutting with their chest out, sizing me up… it’s kind of hilarious and interesting from an anthropological view of the human courtship ritual and of the human male asserting his manhood to establish dominance in the social pecking order. They stop doing it as soon as they find out I’m her brother though, which is even funnier. The precise moment when they realize exactly how far they’ve shoved their foot into their mouths, the look on their faces is priceless. ;)

    For the sake of clarity, I have to make it clear not all white guys act this way, and I don’t consider every white guy dating (or wanting to date) an Asian girl to be a ‘rice-chaser': it’s just the really annoying twits who have this total attitude and are pretty much bragging when they’re with an Asian chick that they’re dating an Asian chick, that you can tell they don’t really care about the human being behind the Asian facial features, and that really disturbs me. I have no problem with guys who may have a predilection for fancying Asian women but see more than just an Asian face when it comes to relationships. In that sense, I suppose I find the sexism as much as the racism to be appalling.

  • Krantzstone

    @ClaraStockwood@ballsonchin

    But other than those rice-chasers, I don’t generally run into problems with white guys (or any guys), and I’m generally left alone when I’m by myself, possibly because I am deemed ‘unthreatening’. And I’m cool with being ‘mostly harmless’, I’m not one to feel the need to satiate my ego by being domineering in social situations, and I’m not one to provoke or get into fights. Being short has its advantages, because I notice I almost never have guys try to pick a fight with me, whereas it happens to all my taller friends at some point in time. Drunk guys needing to show everyone who’s boss, meh.

    I guess that’s the other reason those rice-chasers bug me: the aggro they give me is totally unwarranted and I dislike it because it puts me on edge, when all I want to do is drink, listen to some good music, watch the girls go by, and occasionally get up and dance. ;P

  • eliu500

    Happy Chinese New Year @akrypti … Great to see your writing again, even if it’s about real life jerks like this. :D

    Oh, congrats on the $500k signing! Hope you earn a nice commission from it!

  • http://tinabot.blogspot.com/ TinaTsai

    @ballsonchin “the majority of female contributors on 8Asians”? LOL ^O^ I’d like to see some multivariate statistical analysis on this claim.

  • http://tinabot.blogspot.com/ TinaTsai

    So sorry to hear you had to put up with this. It’s totally a double edged sword. Don’t say anything, and the moron goes on living his little la-la land fantasies. Say something, and you have to actually engage in a conversation and cognitive exchange with a mind that’s clearly poisonous.

    I’m going to go ahead and state the bottom line obvious to people who have issues with “interracial” relationships (come on people, it’s not like an amoeba is trying to date a platypus), specifically all the rice-kings out there:

    If you love Asian women, then you are absolutely, positively INCAPABLE of LOVING an Asian woman. Period.

  • http://thylacine.livejournal.com/ ErikaHarada

    “You know, people don’t talk about interracial dating between white men and Asian women enough.” To which I wanted to reply, “You obviously do not read 8A.”

    Ahahahahahahahahahah. ;)

    I’m sorry you had to deal with such an annoying asshat.

  • bohemianeddy

    i love the shiet out of this post

  • Blamster

    Thanks for making my day Akrypti! Too often I see Asian girls with such low self-esteem that they embrace this crap when condescended upon by someone, which is what this really is, or worse simply based on negative stereotypes of their own people. Nice line on the money.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002251087743 Crispin Callahan

    Too bad you cant stop us from dating asian women anyways.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002251087743 Crispin Callahan

    I dont think you fully understand his point in bringing it up…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002251087743 Crispin Callahan

    Wow, I bet you date white women…and you are going around telling asian women that all white men are subconsciously racist? Fucking hypocrite.

 
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