Son Bias & Misogyny

Asian baby

An Open Letter to Asian Cultures & Asian/Asian-American parents:

Re:  Misogyny & Son-Bias

Why do you hate females?  Why do you feel the need to selectively abort us when you discover you’re carrying a member of the XX?  Why do you retain antiquated ideas of female worth (re: virginity)?  Why do you make us feel less worthy and valuable then our male counterparts?  And why do you then try to guilt-trip us and call us brainwashed when we become fully acculturate in American society and partake of all the opportunities western society affords us – including dating and eventually marrying the person we truly love regardless of race and ethnic background? 

I can almost (but not completely) understand why, back in a more agrarian & rural time, boys were preferred.  They didn’t move away when they got married.  They retained the family name.  They didn’t require large dowries.  They took care of you in your twilight years.  I get it.  At one time boys were the next best thing to a nationalized social security system.  But we’ve now entered the 21st century.  We have things like telephones and cars – a married daughter is no longer out of reach.  A person’s long-term success is less dependent on their ability to till the soil and more to do with how well they do in school, their communication skills, capacity for creative and unique ideas, and overall technical skill set.  Recent college and graduate school graduation data shows that women are graduating at a higher rate then men and perform better overall.  Women don’t even have to change their last name when they get married.  Once a Lee, Chang or Singh…always a Lee, Chang, or Singh.  And on top of all this, girls are less likely to commit crimes, get involved in gangs, and kill themselves while trying to mimic the newest X game move.  Modern birth control even eliminates the risk of unplanned teen pregnancies.     

So again, I want to know why you still don’t love us as much as you love the boys?  Are we not cute enough?  Do you just hate the color pink?  Are you uncomfortable with the idea of trying to raise a daughter and instilling a sense of worth, power, and value in her?  Do you just dislike the idea that women are actually creatures worthy of life and respect? 

Please help me out here?  My partner and I are contemplating bringing a baby into this world.  We don’t have a gender preference – all we want is a healthy, happy baby, god willing.  But if you articulate a real, reasonable reason for why we should strive for a boy, please let me know so that I can make an informed decision?  

But until you can rationally tell me why boys are better than girls, can you please cut out the whole pre-natal sex selection thing.  It’s really bumming me out and kinda makes me want to turn my back on my own culture. 

Yours truly,

A proud, strong Asian-American female.

(If you want to know what inspired this, check out this NPR story about a Census data study examining male birth rates among Asian-Americans.  Not surprisingly, there is evidence that Asian-American (meaning people in this country) are using prenatal screening technology to ensure the birth of boys.)

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About Bo

A 30something, 1.5 generation Korean-American/New Yorker who spends her day as an HR exec. specializing in corporate diversity & inclusion. I get to think about ways to make "The Man" less male, white, and straight. It's the best job in the world! When I'm not trying to change corporate America, I teach yoga and dabble in holistic health counseling. I have an MBA from New York University Stern School of Business and my undergraduate from the University of Michigan. Lesser known facts about me: I enjoy b&w film photography, training for endurance races, and making homemade jam. Other mindless observations can be found at
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