An Affirmative Action Plan for the Interracial Dating Disparity

For those not au fait with APA blogosphere lingo, “IR disparity” refers to the Asian American heterosexual male’s gripe with Asian American heterosexual females dating and marrying “out,” as in getting it on with non-Asians. Yes, it’s a gripe, a petulant, nagging, neverending whine whine “why don’t you love me?” whine, albeit a legitimate, validated gripe. Every APA blogsite (that counts) has at some point addressed the IR disparity or at least was coerced into addressing it by troll commenters. The IR disparity has a long history of— People, stop chuckling and rolling your eyes here. This issue is as important as civil rights. And in any case I’ve got a solution. A solid one.

First, a little context for the gripe. There’s this mysterious Tyra Banks statistic, which I cannot find the source of, but if Tyra Banks says it is so, then it must be so, that more than 75% of the interracial dating scene is between Asian females and white males. Last year, the Pew Research Center came out with a report titled “Marrying Out” that found Asians to marry out at the highest frequency among all races, with 40% of the Asians marrying out being female (and only 20% of Asian males marrying out). An older study, “What Makes You Click? Mate Preferences and Matching Outcomes in Online Dating” suggests there are attribute trade-offs in mate preferences, specifically in income to ethnicity, and found that an Asian male who wants a white woman needs to make $247,000 more than a white man who wants to get that same white woman. The authors of the study write that these results “should not be taken fully literally,” but a quick keyword search online pulls up tons of IR debates where people must have missed that part and therefore cited the $247,000 stat quite literally. And that’s just a few of the plethora of scientific and pseudoscientific studies suggesting that the IR disparity is a legitimate, validated gripe.

So what do we do about this, this IR disparity? Well folks, what has America always done to counter the effects of discrimination, benefit an underrepresented group, and fix a disparate impact? Affirmative action, baby!

I’m not talking equal opportunity here: I’m talking straight up quotas and preferential treatment. I propose that all straight unmarried women (and since this is 8A, I’m specifically directing the proposition at women of Asian-descent everywhere, hapas this includes you too) agree to a 50% quota, hereinafter the Quota. 50% of all the men you date should be Asian. That’s it. In fact, make a list of your dating history right now. If half of them aren’t yellow or some warm happy tone of brown, you’ve got a lot of catching up work to do. In fact, if you are single right now, make it a point for your next romantic encounter to be with an Asian dude.

Sites such as 8A and more recently, among others have posted frequently about the IR disparity, with each post inciting quite the wrath from what at least appears on the surface to be APA males, though with the blogosphere, one never really knows. The most recent one, here, has brought out some really intriguing though unoriginal characters: boys crying, “you girls don’t think we’re good enough; you don’t love your own kind” and the girls saying back, “uh… you’re not good enough; and yeah well you don’t really love us either; plus there’s these two Asian guys at my school who are losers, so all Asian guys must be losers. ”

That post and the pulp of a dead horse that APAs have beat this issue into is what got me thinking about the efficacy of a Quota. The IR disparity has become our community’s very own Godwin’s Law (mainstream bloggers end up talking about the Nazis; APA bloggers end up talking about the IR disparity), as proven by discussion sites like’s “The Forum,”,, and the ultimate scary site, Chinadaily BBS… not going to tell you what I think BBS really stands for…

There’s no deprivation of choice here, nothing like arranged marriage. No one is telling you which Asian man to date; only that half of the men you date in your lifetime should be Asian, any Asian you want. And there are so many of them to choose from! Asia, I hear, is a big, big country. . . .

Even if there aren’t that many Asian males walking about the town you live in, once we get this demand going, Asian male mail order sites and Asian male “me love you long time” pop culture references will crop up for sure and soon enough we’ll be seeing creepy AdSense ads promoting the Asian male fetish all over 8A. Hollywood will ride the trendiness of the phenomenon and produce films featuring Asian men as the romantic partner of choice…or at least 50% of them will, and that’s a percentage I can live with. Marie Claire will run an article titled “The New Dream Husbands: Asian Men.” [Compare: Marie Claire‘s 2009 article, “The New Trophy Wives: Asian Women.”] And, boys, I know this is exactly what you’ve wanted. All the complaining of exoticism from Asian feminist activists… man, what do we know, we’ve actually had it good.

With a strict, national implementation of the Quota, the Asian male gripe will cease to exist. APA blogsites will finally focus on issues like the continuing hate crimes targeting Asian Americans; the backhanded model minority myth; greater APA political representation at all levels, city, state, and national; workplace discrimination and the glass ceiling that hinders Asian American professionals from breaking into executive positions; seating the first APA Supreme Court Justice; or poverty among urban Asians. Because I understand that none of these issues really matter until we can get the IR disparity squared away.

So ladies. Have you met your Quota lately?

(Image credit: TheOatmeal)

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About akrypti

small town roots. enthusiast of many trades. oh, and yeah, high-maintenance like you wouldn't believe. tweet with me @akrypti.
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178 Responses to An Affirmative Action Plan for the Interracial Dating Disparity

  1. MayaulKayiim says:

    @BlasianBytch @PamelaNRed Well I’m sorry your majesty if I didn’t hear the heralding trumpets announce your presence. /sarcasm. If you’re such an avid defender of asian men why haven’t you yet spoken out in their defense in this thread, where they are being challenged (not effectively, I might add, but nonetheless the attempts are there)?

    Is discussing black people completely off the table for you? Any mentioning of their race raises the Mother Shackles on the back of your neck, like lumberjacks talking about an endangered species? Come off your high horse. No one is saying anything that isn’t true.

  2. dzheng says:

    @MayaulKayiim Japan and South Korea can’t even replace their own population, let alone grow. Do you not understand when a group of people are not having enough children, there’s no way for their population to go up? Babies don’t magically appear out of thin air.

    Your fascination with black people on a site about Asian people is very odd.

  3. BlasianBytch says:

    @PamelaNRed You aren’t stating fact. You are saying that Asian men all have family values <— Stereotype You are saying that Black men are proud to not get married and are born philanders <— Stereotype. You , Satoshi Kanazawa and Richard J. Herrnstein can keep your "facts"

  4. BlasianBytch says:

    @MayaulKayiim @PamelaNRed “No one is saying anything that isn’t true.” They are actually.

  5. MayaulKayiim says:


    You also don’t seem to understand that Japan and South Korea as developed nations rely on birth control to prevent accidental pregnancies? You think everyone wants to have as many babies as possible and have unmanageable families? That just goes to show how little you know about Asian people and Asian countries. Wow, this is just one more tally on the list of things you are ignorant about.

    First, that Paris Hilton is considered high class? LOL! You’ve got to be kidding me.

    Second, that you didn’t realize China has the second highest number of billionaires in the world.

    Third, that you think actors pull more creative control than directors. This literally made me laugh out loud.

    Fourth, that you didn’t know politics is a game of handouts.

    Fifth that you didn’t know that African American women had very low marriage rates.

    Wow, I just can’t wait until this thread is done. I’m really looking forward to pointing out more of your ignorance. Anyway, I’m not fascinated with blacks, I want to hear your opinion, which you did not disclose, yet said I already knew, which I don’t. I’m not psychic. So let’s hear it. Let’s hear this psychically transmitted opinion of yours.

  6. MayaulKayiim says:

    @BlasianBytch @PamelaNRed Oh I see. When statistics come out about Asians, it’s alright to dissect and study, but when statistics come out about African Americans, that’s racist. How dare we?

  7. PamelaNRed says:

    @BlasianBytch @MayaulKayiim

    Work in social services for a few years and then we’ll talk, kiddo. You have no idea.

  8. BlasianBytch says:

    @MayaulKayiim @PamelaNRed I actually never said that. Pamela has no proof to back out that culturally Black men are proud to not marry , there’s no statistics to support that Asian men only marry Asian women because they are forced to. Those are stereotypes and not statistics.

    And Pamela I’ve worked in social services as a sex educator , people like you shouldn’t be working to help people while turning your nose down at them.

  9. MayaulKayiim says:

    @PamelaNRed @BlasianBytch While I’m not a big fan of anecdotal knowledge (while useful, it’s not the most reliable source), there are plenty of studies done on the “absent black father” phenomenon. I’ll just leave this here:

  10. BlasianBytch says:

    @MayaulKayiim @PamelaNRed Did you even READ those links

    “Findings reveal no significant differences between African American/Black and White fathers’ type of involvement and perceptions of fathering, although there is a trend for African American/Black fathers to have more contact with their children compared with White fathers. Findings demonstrate that low-income, noncustodial fathers face multiple barriers to staying involved with their children, and practitioners should recognize the context of background factors that might influence father involvement.”

  11. MayaulKayiim says:

    @BlasianBytch @PamelaNRed Yeah, you don’t get to cherry pick which studies to pull from. That was the first study on the list but also a minority in the studies. There are plenty of studies listed that describe the Absent Father phenomenon, and the majority of these describe “Non-residential” or “non-custodial” fathers, which PamelaNRed was clearly referring to.

  12. BlasianBytch says:

    @MayaulKayiim @PamelaNRed lol in other words, Nope you didn’t.

  13. dzheng says:

    @MayaulKayiim That has absolutely nothing to do with your previous claim that Asian populations are growing. Completely wrong. They are declining, especially Japan and South Korea.

    Paris Hilton has high social status, regardless of how much you may hate her.

    There are billionaires all over the world. Your point?

    Actors are widely regarded as having high social status. I’m not going to go over the details of their job because that is just nit-picking.

    Whatever opinion you may have about politics is irrelevant.

    Finally, what is it with you and black people!? Can’t you go talk about black people on a website about black people? Are you that interested in what other people think about black people? Perhaps you should go to a black people website.

  14. MayaulKayiim says:

    @dzheng Heheheh. Quit trying to pretend I’m obsessed with something I’m not. I want to hear this opinion you said I “already knew.” Let’s hear this opinion.

  15. MayaulKayiim says:

    @dzheng I really do look forward to these little displays of your ignorance. No one is nitpicking. You’re just making incorrect blanket statements and when they’re corrected you stick your head in the sand. Let’s hear this opinion of yours you said “I already knew.” Let’s hear it.

  16. MayaulKayiim says:

    @BlasianBytch @PamelaNRed Are you seriously pretending this isn’t an actual phenomenon? Are you pretending that everything is fine and dandy? Do you really expect people to be that stupid?

  17. dzheng says:

    @MayaulKayiim Uh, ok Mr. “Asian-population-growth-fallacy” man. I actually have nothing at all to say about black people, since I don’t know any personally ^_^

  18. jedifreac says:

    @PamelaNRed @MayaulKayiim @BlasianBytch Oh hey wow it’s the worst kind of social worker!

  19. VanCityNights says:

    @dzheng i don’t know about that one. i know a lot of Asian guys that have a ton of success. three cities that are great for asian singles that come to mind in particular: Vancouver, Toronto, Las Vegas. I hear Hawaii is good too but I’ve never experienced it.

    Really, you don’t have to have high social status for a girl to hook up with you. A lot of girls just want a guy that’s attractive and fun to hangout with, especially ones in their early twenties. You’re putting way too much thought into this.

  20. dzheng says:

    @vancity_canuck I don’t care much for “hooking up” however you may define it or even casual sex. You’re right, it doesn’t require much effort at all, and sometimes all it takes is a little booze.

    But I don’t want that. We can’t all be softly polygamous, especially if children are a factor (not that I want to have children). People are just so reckless with others and get into pseudo-relationships that never go anywhere.

  21. PamelaNRed says:

    @MayaulKayiim @BlasianBytch

    She believes what she wants to believe and showing her proof does no good.

  22. PamelaNRed says:

    @MayaulKayiim @BlasianBytch

    If she truly worked in social work she would know what I’m talking about. I’ve see first hand the results and talked to may African Americans.

  23. jedifreac says:

    @PamelaNRed @MayaulKayiim @BlasianBytch If you truly believe what you’ve written, you’re a disgusting example of a social worker.

  24. akrypti says:

    @BlasianBytch @PamelaNRed

    First, (o _O) whoa. I hadn’t realized there was still life to this blog post, so Blasian, that’s why I hadn’t said anything before now. I just read this comment a second ago and went WHOA.

    With all due respect, Pamela, this comment is such a non sequitur, and a racist one at that. Look at what statistics? What “anecdotal evidence”? The problem with both is you’ve reached your conclusion based on your biases long before the statistics or the anecdotal evidence came along. Now you’re citing both (without giving any specifics either, mind you) in an attempt to validate your biases.

    I’ve never been a social worker, though I’ve worked in social justice law before, and can’t say what I am about to say with any authority, but more than any other professional out there, don’t social workers know firsthand the complexity of factors causing disadvantages and inequalities of any kind, how sweeping racialized (or gendered) generalizations do NOT work to anyone’s favor but for the privileged, and in fact are the reason why disadvantaged groups stay disadvantaged, why inequalities persist, and so, more than any other professional out there, social workers are compassionate and sensitive to take matters on a case by case consideration? Rather than indulge in sweeping racialized generalizations? Ionno, just sayin’.

    Christ, my blog post was supposed to be a total joke but it’s definitely not funny anymore.

  25. BlasianBytch says:

    @akrypti I’m sorry I didn’t mean you the author of the article didn’t care. Your article in no way was supportive of stereotyping. I actually get where you are coming from 100% I just didn’t like that people were saying thing like “Asian men are all X and Black men are all Y”

    I just had to say something about it. Especially because it has NO PLACE here, your article wasn’t even about that.

  26. moye says:

    @vancity_canuck @jedifreac @PamelaNRed @MayaulKayiim @BlasianBytch Alright guys. Due to this thread going completely off topic and out of hand, we’ll be closing off comments on this post.

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