Excited
Aaah, reality television. It’s not truly reality, you know. It’s unscripted, sure, but there are camera crews, a director which calls the camera shots, a team of editors that take hours of real footage to be carefully crafted into 30-minute sound bytes. It can be very misleading and to some reality show contestants, potentially slanderous.
Which is why I love it. Seriously, I’m a huge reality show junkie; you can ask ANY of my friends – I was watching reality shows before Survivor, where I watch as seasons and seasons of The Real World would pass without any Asian man in sight. Over the past couple of years – and especially with the last two seasons of Survivor – I’ve gradually seen more diversity among its contestants, including Asian Americans. And that’s all warm and fuzzy, but honestly – what is the point of reality shows, if we can’t make snap judgments against people we don’t know at all?
Which is why I am branching slightly off the usual link-to-this-website format, to write a Top 6 list of my own: The Top 6 Asian Reality Stars That Make Me Cringe. Ready? Let’s go.
6. Yul from Survivor: Cook Islands
Okay, hear me out on this one – for the record, I know that Yul won Survivor and is huge on the Asian American activism circuit and doing his share of speeches and conferences. He’s the poster boy of and awareness on breaking stereotypes of Asians being nerdy and awkward. That’s awesome – it really is.
But for all of Yul’s successes – law school, winning a million dollars on survivor, petitioning for Asian-American bone marrow donations and his six-pack abs, I feel a little inferior for being mediocre and chubby. I would somehow feel a little better if the Smoking Gun turned up something on him, like a past drug record or a secret murder, like those dudes on Better Luck Tomorrow. Yul is excellent at shattering some of the Asian-American stereotypes of the past – but still upholds one major Asian-American stereotype of the present: The model minority.
Okay, off my soapbox.
5. Curtis from Big Brother 1
Remember Curtis from the first US version of Big Brother? You don’t? NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE. Nothing against Curtis in real life – a very tall (I’ve met him) lawyer of Asian decent from New York city, he’s probably a nice man but a lousy reality show participant, quiet and tolerable. Unfortunately, “quiet and tolerable” aren’t necessarily the traits you want when all of America is watching you on 64 cameras and streamed live over the Internet for three months, and he – among his other mundane crew – were one of the many reasons why the producers changed the shows format from the public eliminating contestants to the bikini-clad, Survivor-in-a-house Big Brother that you see today.
4. Kashif from America’s Got Talent
Dude, they’re laughing at you, not with you. Mostly about the eyebrows. (See also: William Hung.)
3. Michelle from Survivor: Fiji
Okay, Michelle doesn’t make me wince at all – I just needed an excuse to include this video of her falling off a perch. (When I saw this video on YouTube, I totally gasped in my cubicle, and then I watched it 23 more times and forwarded it to all of my friends. I’m a bastard.)
2. Gina: Americas Next Top Model
On the first episode where we’re introduced to all of the girls, Gina proudly tells Tyra Banks that she wants to represent all Asian American females everywhere. That lasts all of, oh, sixteen minutes, before she admits to not finding Asian guys attractive. Later in the season she let’s the alpha-female model bully her into demure, catatonic state, and then is reduced to a sobbing mess when she has to walk the catwalk with an African hissing cockroach. Oh, and she was a lousy model and all of her shots always looked like she was surprised. Boo, Gina. Boo.
1. William Hung from American Idol 3
Oh, William, where do I start with you? We know you meant well. All of America knows you mean well because for months after you did that audition, you were “just an civil engineering major with no prior singing experience.” And then all of America laughed at you, under the guise of laughing with you. Then your parents and/or milked your fifteen seconds of fame for all its worth: three records, countless commercials and appearances, backup dancers, a low budget Hong Kong movie. Mainstream America knows you as “that Asian guy from American Idol,” and all of us Asian males kinda wished you didn’t look so – hmm, what are the words I’m looking for – “Down Syndromey.”
(For the record: I can make it to the 37 second mark of the video before I am compelled to close the webpage, crawl up into fetal position, and cry myself to sleep.)
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c'mon Ernie, you can come up with worse (better?) than that:
Harlemm Lee - lied about his age and that he used to be a singer in the 80's and camped his way to win "Fame"
Nina Oh - anybody who saw Superstar USA could not forget how she kick, kick, kicked her way into the semifinals
Jun Song - one of the best Big Brother players ever, and she was quite funny at times (although she said some real nasty stuff too) But who could forget her constant stress eating and gaining the most weight of any contestant ever while in that house.
c'mon Ernie, you can come up with worse (better?) than that:
Harlemm Lee - lied about his age and that he used to be a singer in the 80's and camped his way to win "Fame"
Nina Oh - anybody who saw Superstar USA could not forget how she kick, kick, kicked her way into the semifinals
Jun Song - one of the best Big Brother players ever, and she was quite funny at times (although she said some real nasty stuff too) But who could forget her constant stress eating and gaining the most weight of any contestant ever while in that house.
Okay, Yul Kwon isn't just an example of the "model minority"...he's an example of the "ALPHA MALE," period. And the fact he is recognized by White Mainstream society as an alpha male type AND taken with the fact he is an Asian American is pretty darn progressive if you ask me.
Okay, Yul Kwon isn't just an example of the "model minority"...he's an example of the "ALPHA MALE," period. And the fact he is recognized by White Mainstream society as an alpha male type AND taken with the fact he is an Asian American is pretty darn progressive if you ask me.
Okay, scratch that. I just did a Google search, and he graduated from Yale Law School, which is the #1 law school in the nation.
MODEL MINORITY! MODEL MINORITY!
Okay, scratch that. I just did a Google search, and he graduated from Yale Law School, which is the #1 law school in the nation.
MODEL MINORITY! MODEL MINORITY!
Okay, true story. My non-Asian LESBIAN girlfriend wouldn't stop commenting about the hotness of Yul Kwon. I could have been a playa hata, but I realized that Yul Kwon managed to transcend both race and sexual orientation, and therefore he is the man.
Anyway, as to the model minority stereotype, not so much. Remember, you're only allowed to scream "MODEL MINORITY" at someone with an MD, because that degree actually takes years of undergrad preparation and then at least seven more years of suicidal amounts of studying. A JD can be obtained by anyone with a pulse and a decent credit score to finance such schooling. If you don't believe me, just walk into the LSAT without studying. No matter what score you get, there will be some law schools who will be begging you to apply.
Okay, true story. My non-Asian LESBIAN girlfriend wouldn't stop commenting about the hotness of Yul Kwon. I could have been a playa hata, but I realized that Yul Kwon managed to transcend both race and sexual orientation, and therefore he is the man.
Anyway, as to the model minority stereotype, not so much. Remember, you're only allowed to scream "MODEL MINORITY" at someone with an MD, because that degree actually takes years of undergrad preparation and then at least seven more years of suicidal amounts of studying. A JD can be obtained by anyone with a pulse and a decent credit score to finance such schooling. If you don't believe me, just walk into the LSAT without studying. No matter what score you get, there will be some law schools who will be begging you to apply.
I'm with Joz. I want to trade Gina to another team a la Dave Chappelle's race draft.
I'm with Joz. I want to trade Gina to another team a la Dave Chappelle's race draft.
The Trinitron Dance, for your viewing pleasure
The Trinitron Dance, for your viewing pleasure
I did totally cringe when I saw Gina on ATM. And honestly, I didn't start cringing at William Hung until after he tried to make a career of singing. I used to say "Yay, William Hung!" just to be funny; but it wasn't funny when he started to believe he could sing.
But for the record, I like Curtis. I loved his Sony Trinitron dance.
I did totally cringe when I saw Gina on ATM. And honestly, I didn't start cringing at William Hung until after he tried to make a career of singing. I used to say "Yay, William Hung!" just to be funny; but it wasn't funny when he started to believe he could sing.
But for the record, I like Curtis. I loved his Sony Trinitron dance.
3 minutes have passed and I'm still laughing at Michelle from Survivor Fiji falling off the perch.
3 minutes have passed and I'm still laughing at Michelle from Survivor Fiji falling off the perch.
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