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• GoGo

  i’m sorry to hear your daughter is going through that, and at such a young age too. do you guys live in a neighborhood with not many other asians? i guess i’m fortunate in that i never had this problem with ethnic name teasing growing up (my first name – that’s another issue, haha). maybe part of the reason why was because i grew up in a highly diverse neighborhood with lots of other asian kids around. somehow the name “nguyen”, “lui”, “choi” wasn’t so weird.

• Rosie

  My heart goes out to your daughter *sniff*

  I went through several years of being teased about my last name when I was in grade school. I am not sure your daughter will be proud of her family name for decades to come. (I’m okay with my family name now, but even back then I just wanted a different Chinese family name.)

  Maybe my situation would have been better if my parents spoke to my teacher right from the get go (but they were very hands-off in any part of my life. And they thought it was funny that I wanted a different last name.) Actually, my dad suggested I beat up the kids who called me names. Not only was it a bad idea, but there were too many of them.

  Just let your daughter know that the name calling will eventually stop, and that it doesn’t mean she’s not liked.

• timat8asians

  @GoGo Believe it or not we probably live in the most diverse neighborhood possible. In her class of 19 for kindergarten, there were 4 or 5 other East Asian kids, 2 or 3 other South Asian kids, and the same throughout the school. She gets picked on mostly because her last name is easily made fun of compared with other Asian last names. Our last name is Chiu (pronounced “choo”), so there’s all the sneezing jokes, not to mention train jokes, and other assorted jokes that I’ve heard a million times myself.

• http://www.erniehsiung.com/ Ernie H.

  @timat8asians My mother’s maiden name is “Pu.” Just imagine how THAT childhood would have turned out.

• mwei

  @timat8asians @GoGo can you ask the teacher to start off day one by having kids just mock the heck out of one another and leave it at that?

• Takuma

  I am sorry to hear that about your daughter, Indeed I hope that she won’t hate her own culture much like I was almost like considering my last name was made fun of not only in grade school but all the way through middle and high school.

  It is actually worse when your name is 4 letters long because many curse words and other insulting names can be made. It can also get pretty bad when certain groups you expect to be the least racist are the most. Just talk to her and the school if it is a problem. I am sure many have had this experience and don’t want it happening to anybody they know.

• yu888

  @timat8asians @GoGo Easy, well, ok maybe not THAT easy, but you may teach her name in CHinese to her and thell her that THAT is actually her family name but that since Americans aren’t as able to pronounce it as she is, they need to spell it out and all they can say is “choo”… just a thought. Given my last name of “yu”, I was often referrred to as “hey yu!” and late ” F Yu” but it all will pass… Good luck. Waiting for a similar experience with my son this coming school year.

• asianbutterfly1114

  I’m also sorry to hear about the awful experience your daughter had to go through. Personally i’ve never had an English name, my Chinese parents has always used my full Chinese name to be used as my English name.so i got made fun of ALOT too growing up so i guess she is not along.

  I think your daughter will be okay, as long as there is love in her life through good parents like yourselves she will be ok..

• ak99802

  Aww, I’m sorry for your daughter. I am a teacher and I agree about talking to her new teacher right away. There are ways of dealing with this that will not call attention to her but will address the issue. But hopefully at her new school things will go better.

• jeffat8asians

  @Ernie H. @timat8asians Knew some one in college whose last name was “Poon”. Hoped she didn’t hyphenate her last name after marrying someone with the last name of Tang.

• jeffat8asians

  @timat8asians @GoGo I also went to a really diverse high school, and I remember making fun of kids with the last names of Chu or Chiu with the sneezing jokes (e.g. saying “Bless You” every time that they said their last name). I don’t think its meant to be racial – it’s more about finding something to use to pick on.

  I think that your daughter needs to watch her reactions to that kind of teasing. It’s obvious that it bothers her, and there are some kids who will get pleasure in seeing that it bothers her and thus keep on with the teasing, not unike sharks sensing blood in the water.

• nannaia

  In an ideal world no one should ever be taunted for their name. I remember being teased for my last name (being called “Ding-Dong”), but I would always roll my eyes and think to myself smugly that they were wrong because their pronunciation was sooo off. I never resented my last name, just wished people would stop mangling it! Come to think of it, I got just as much grief with my first name – which happens to be just a normal, ordinary and pretty boring English name. Kids can be so cruel, they’ll make fun of anything.

  Perhaps you could talk to the teacher and she/he could give a lesson to the class why name-teasing is bad? Make them do a skit or play in class?

• timat8asians

  I’ve written about this elsewhere, but when I moved to the U.S. at the age of 2, my parents used my Chinese name as my American name, that is until the neighborhood kids started calling me “dum-dum” because that’s what they thought my parents were calling me in Chinese. Needless to say my parents gave me an American name pronto. But I was so small I don’t remember any of this, and it was only relayed to me later.

• atmchino

  @mwei actually reminds me of an old Frontline documentary called “A Class Divided” where a teacher made students discriminate based on eye color to illustrate racism.

• CKShaw

  Tim, so sorry your daughter had to get a taste of this so young. Kids can be cruel…often because they are little more than unfiltered reflections of their parents. Your daughter will forever remember your hugs.

• Kimiye

  It was my Japanese relatives who were concerned when we named our son Benjamin, in fear he’d be nicknamed Benjo (latrine, or worse, sh*thole). He had more trouble explaining to his classmates, “I’m not Chinese; I’m one-quarter Japanese.” How they could tell from his Western name, green eyes and blond hair, I’ll never know. Nor why they called him “chink” in first grade. The other kids will always find something to tease about, and some will dig deep to make it racial. I hope that’s not the case for your child.

• timat8asians

  Old news, but I caught the Today show this morning, a story about a 15 year old who committed suicide because of bullying and name calling, this happened over a year ago. The story was resurfacing because one of the accused teens, the first to talk out after her (and other teens) trial. She just turned 18 and her record is being expunged. What was shocking was she claimed she hadn’t been “bullying”, instead she was “arguing”, and she felt like she was a victim since she had been bullied after the trial. I just felt like she didn’t learn anything and didn’t take any responsibility for her actions.

• Yinnie_C

  It is harsh to be bullied, I was bullied from the ages 5-18 and do you know what? It hurts like a mothereffer but it makes you so much stronger. Like to have a name that you need to stand up for, that teaches so many life lessons early on. I’m not saying that being bullied is good but with enough love at home, she’ll grow up to be much more resilient that the average person.

• bmastou

  I think there very little you can do to make five year olds unerstand, you should try to get your daughter to to be less sensitive about it, and not let it get to her or even instead of getting laughed at she should just see a funny side to it, if its not affecting her the bullies will stop

• mwei

  @bmastou and have her learn to be the Asian passive aggressive way of dealing with them.

  seriously, you mean have the kids psychologically scarred for life? I think the best solution is to get with the teacher and the other parents and talk it out why their kid is behaving like that and try to work it out. i don’t have a kid, but my impression is that they learn it at home at that age.

• Fia

  I’m sorry for your daughter, but having non-Asian names unfortunately doesn’t make a difference if you have the “wrong face”. I was mocked, questioned and teased over my non-Asian names. I was asked what my “real” name was and whether I was adopted. Some of my school teachers asked too.

  On the first day of middle school, my home room teacher called out my name during the roll call, I responded. He laughed and said, “All right, guys. You got me.” He believed the class was pulling a prank on him. He looked skeptical when I confirmed it was my real name. He called me a fantasist and other names, and told me off for not embracing my ethnicity. This went on for weeks. After he asked “What’s your name today? Jackie Chan? Sorry, is that too Asian for you? How about Jackie Chan-Smith?”, I reported him to my mother, who complained to the school. He stopped making a big deal out of my name during roll calls, but didn’t stop eye-rolling or face-pulling every time he said my name during a roll call. It continued to the day before I graduated. Sometimes he said my name with a fake Chinese accent, even though I’m half Japanese. I think his behavior was the reason why some class mates thought it was okay to make fun of me.

  I had been questioned and teased about my names and whether I was really “white” through high school and college too. I was so sick of it that I adopted my grandmother’s first name and my father’s family name as my own. Questions, mistaken assumptions and teasing died down. My mother cried when I legally gave up my birth names because those names held special meaning to her, but I would do anything for an easier life. I’m sorry, Mom.

• norcaliftom

  As a caucasian man living in SE Asia, I must say it is rather ironic that Asians living in the United States has suddenly adopted such a non-Asian set of Western ideals such as equality and opposition to racism. In most of Asia, racism is not even considered a bad thing. In Asia most are openly hostile towards people of dark skin color and have some of the most racist immigration policies anywhere in the world. Foreigners are stared at and ridiculed on a daily basis and nobody thinks a thing of it. Women to date or marry foreigners in most of Asia are shunned or considered bad girls while our Asian male counterparts get away with spousal abuse, polygamy and even rape on a daily basis. The fact is, everybody wishes they lived in a perfect world where nothing bad ever happens to them, they are never offended by anything and everybody is nice all the time. If you haven’t figured out yet that world doesn’t exist then youre going to go through life a very miserable person.

• norcaliftom

  As a Caucasian man living in SE Asia, I must say it is rather ironic that Asians living in the United States have suddenly adopted such a non-Asian set of Western ideals such as equality and opposition to racism. In most of Asia, racism is not even considered a bad thing. Most are openly hostile towards people of dark skin color and have some of the most racist immigration policies anywhere in the world. Foreigners are stared at and ridiculed on a daily basis and nobody thinks a thing of it. Women who date or marry foreigners in most of Asia are shunned or considered bad girls while our Asian male counterparts get away with spousal abuse, polygamy and even rape with no fear of any kind of law enforcement. The fact is, everybody wishes they lived in a perfect world where nothing bad ever happens to them, they are never offended by anything and everybody is nice all the time. If you haven’t figured out yet that world doesn’t exist then youre going to go through life a very miserable person.

• norcaliftom

  @Fia Hows your life today? Be grateful youre living in American and not Asia. Everybody’s got a sad story. If you think you had it bad you should come to Thailand and see how they treat the Burmese, Laotians and Cambodians. The fact I didn’t have a name here anymore and was simply “farang” when I was teaching bothered me for awhile but I got used to it.

• Confuse-Us

  @norcaliftom

  That’s a stretch to say that opposition to racism and equality are Western ideals. The real irony is that it is because of the struggle of ethnic minorities (Black, Asian and others) that the West has had to abide by these principles of universal equality. Certainly the West has been possibly the most progressive of all cultures in upholding these principles, but that is only because people of colour have forced the West do so.

  Plus, you seem to be seriously suggesting that racial abuse and harassment of children is something we should simply accept as normative because the “world isn’t perfect”. As a caucasian man living in SE Asia I believe that you are allowing bitterness and self-righteousness to negatively infect the opportunities for personal growth that your privilege as a white man offers you in a developing country.

  My guess would be that the equal rights granted ethnic minorities in most western countries makes you resentful – that seems self-evident in your post. Just accept these principles of equality as good ideals to live by – you might even become an inspiration to the people you live amongst.

• Fia

  @norcaliftom I don’t live in America and I decline your invitation to take part in the “I’ve had it worse than you!” contest. Thanks.

• norcaliftom

  @Confuse-Us You sure make alot of assumptions about me. I guess pointing out the incredible level of hypocrisy of Asians who enjoy the luxury of voicing these opinions in the liberal west while oppression, tyranny and a total disregard for basic human rights back in the “motherland” are commonplace makes one bitter and self righteous? ha ha. Ethnic minorities did not force equality on the West, it came from something called the Enlightenment Age in Europe several hundred years ago. Possibly been the most progressive? That’s an understatement. What you might consider abuse in the American culture of victimhood is considered par for the course in most of Asia. Kids get made fun of in school all the time but I can promise you kids in America regardless of their ethnicity enjoy a FAR higher quality of life and a much better education than they ever would in the vast majority of Asia so quit crying. Why would you think I am resentful of equal rights granted for minorities? You guys are hilarious. You whine about being judged because of the way you look but then you automatically assume that anybody who happens to be white and disagrees with your self-pity simply resents equality.

  Opposition to racism and equality are most certainly western ideals and you are simply not living in reality if you think otherwise. You also have absolutely no idea what privileges I have or do not have living in SE Asia. I do know that if you had to deal with even a small fraction of the racism I deal with on a daily basis you’d be racing to the nearest lawyer to cry to about your plight. Only problem is that in Asian culture racism and misogyny aren’t even considered wrong.

• norcaliftom

  @Fia Never said I had it worse than anyone but Id be willing to gamble whatever Western nation you live in now provides you with a far better lifestyle than you would have receive back in whatever third world toilet you originated.

• Confuse-Us

  @norcaliftom

  Your posts speak for themselves. You’re pissed that Asians have equality and you have to resort to moping around Asian blogs because people don’t give you the sense of importance you feel your privilege as a white man warrants. Just accept that you have a sense of entitlement and you are resentful that no-one where you live notices it, and that because of the activism of minorities in the west, you have to accept the reality of their equality.

  I wonder if English is not your first language? Where exactly are you from in the west? I might guess Finland or Croatia?

  You don’t even understand the meaning of the word “hypocrisy”. Native speakers wouldn’t make the mistake of using the term the way you have. Individuals are hypocrites if they say one thing, but act in the complete opposite way. For instance, if someone were to say “people shouldn’t cry about racism”, but then in the same post proceed to cry about racism, then that is an example of hypocrisy. In fact, you have done this very thing, which unfortunately, makes you a hypocrite.

  At the same time, to say that Asians living in America are hypocrites because Asians in Asia don’t live up to their principles is an embarassing example of stupidity – I’m not saying that you are stupid, just that you seem to think in a stupid way.

  Minorities in the west have a relatively decent life because we have forced western societies to live up to their idealistic principles. Otherwise America and Europe would be extremely comfortable with exclusion laws, ghettos, and Jim Crow.

  The foundation of ideas of equality stem from the moral principle known as the Golden Rule – do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Unfortunately for you, this is a principle that every culture and society has come up with on their own – we don’t owe it to you.

  Why don’t you just be a man and accept that in order to have equality you might have to stop feeling your sense of entitlement and actually struggle to make your host society respect you? This is how principles of equality have been enforced in the west – by the minorities who struggled to win them. I wonder if you are not actually encountering racism, but are encountering people who are reacting to your arrogant sense of privilege?

  Perhaps the problem is you?

• norcaliftom

  @Confuse-Us @norcaliftomWow I really touched a nerve there didn’t I? ha ha. You seem utterly obsessed with trying to figure out who I am. Sorry to disappoint you but I’m just a regular white guy from California. Pissed that Asians have equality? LOL. You’re hilarious, dude. Actually, it is quite obvious that you are the one who is not only pissed, but extremely sensitive and defensive to the point you practically posted the chapter to a book I got bored reading about halfway through.

  I realize me pointing out the fact that Asian culture is one of the most racist, sexist, oppressive, outdated, authoritarian cultures on earth and that an Asian calling somebody a racist is the equivalent of Charles Manson calling somebody a murderer upsets you greatly, but maybe thats what needed around this pathetic online pity potty you losers have going on here. Maybe its that little man’s complex most Asian men seem to suffer from thats coming out in you?

• timat8asians

  @Fia My daughter will likely face the same issues you did as well. You see, she’s mixed, and doesn’t have Asian eyes, so she looks more white than Asian, and of course she has an Asian last name.

• timat8asians

  @norcaliftom I’m not sure I see why you think it’s ironic for Asians living in the US to believe in equality and opposition to racism. For those of us raised here or born and raised here, these are the only ideals we know and believe in. We are as much American as we Chinese, Japanese, Korean, etc.

• mwei

  @norcaliftom and Asian-Americans who are US citizens is comparable to folks in SE Asia, how?

  it’s kind of like saying whites don’t know how good they have it in the US because in Eastern Europe there are skin heads and jingoism and general malfeasance.

• mwei

  @norcaliftom you’re not an English teacher in SE Asia are you? your writings are very representative of a certain segment of the backpacker English teachers there.

  the question I always have is: why live in Asia if you hate it so much and look down on everything?

• mwei

  @Confuse-Us @norcaliftom sweet! a good old fashioned flame war is always entertaining. lol

• DumbPeopleAnnoyMe

  @norcaliftom Clearly just another guy who thinks Asians in America are the same as Asians in Asia. Of course it’s shocking we suddenly adopt ideas of equality and opposition to racism when we’ve lived in America our entire lives. Why, we should be adopting the values of places many of us have never even been to that’s thousands of miles away.

  What a joke. Learn some critical thinking before you make yourself look like another fool.

• mwei

  @DumbPeopleAnnoyMe @norcaliftom not only that, but apparently all Asians in Asia are the same – all 3billion “Asians” of all shades, sizes and shapes.

• DumbPeoplePissMeOff

  @norcaliftom

  I would just like to say I was casually browsing through this site and came upon your comment and it was just so stupid it made me laugh out loud- despite being angered by it at the same time. I agree with ‘Confuse-Us’. Have to say you seem like a very ignorant, self righteous, bitter and very very sad and pathetic person. People like you are the reason so many whites will get labelled as racists. You’re an embarassment.

• GoGo

  @norcaliftom @Fia you’re a joke. why are we even responding to this clown? just delete and move on.

• zhoujuliana

  @timat8asians My nickname in high school was “General,” because my last name, Zhou, sounds like the “Tso” in “General Tso’s Chicken.” And in some perverse way, I grew to like that nickname quite a lot. But looking back and realizing the intention behind that nickname, I’m ashamed to have allowed that hidden racism to exist. I think it really says something about your daughter that she can see the racist undertones of this playground bullying (at 5!). I think that her intelligence and ability to think independently will help her through this and allow her to grow into a woman who doesn’t take shit from anyone! As long as she continues to understand that she is loved by the ones who matter, and that what is being done to her is not right, she’ll be fine.

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