8 Asians

Holy crap, has it been five years already? It sure has. Five years ago Christmas weekend, 8Asians.com was launched. I KNOW, RIGHT? That means that over the next couple of days, we’re going to focus on some well-deserved navel gazing and reflect on some 8Asians posts we’ve written over the past half a decade or so that you may have missed.

Here are eight posts that 8Asians readers like you have found amusing, after the jump!

1. How to “Asianize” Your Products

“Before, this was just a boring, old TV remote. Now, it’s an Oriental conversation piece, imported directly from the jungles of China (they have jungles there, right?) and built by the descendants of Confucius.”

2. Asians Behaving Badly: Jason Li, Vancouver Hockey Fan Rioter

“…But if you’re going to pose for Associated Press photographers who have worldwide distribution to news centers all over the world, you may want to give a quick heads-up Skype call to your aunt in Hong Kong to tell her that you’re not a homicidal maniac; there’s just simply this thing in Canada called hockey, and that you were “just posing.””

3. VIRAL LIKE SARS: Jenny Zhang’s Kinda Cheesy Action Sequence

“There’s a lesson to be learned here kids, and that lesson is DO NOT STEAL CANNED CORN FROM AN ASIAN GIRL BECAUSE SHE WILL GODDAMN SHOOT YOU IN THE THIGH.”

4. The Science and History of the Asian Squat

“The Asian squat. I’ve always been able to do it naturally. [...] I’ve always done it but the first time I really noticed others doing it was when I went to Bali. Every street I walked down, there were lines and lines of men and women doing the Asian squat asking me if I wanted to buy women, drugs, and/or tourist crap.”

5. Top 8 Last Minute Halloween Costumes for Asian Americans

“… You can’t have a 2011 holiday without mentioning Amy Chua. Thanks to this lady, Asian American women will never be seen as normal, motherly human beings again. And thanks to this lady, you’ve got the easiest Halloween costume around. If none of your friends get the joke, just berate them for not studying hard enough and then cancel the party so everyone can go home and practice the piano.”

6. Mothers Day with 8Asians: My Mother, Lost in Translation

“I’M ON BART TRAIN. CAN YOU HEAR ME? CAN YOU HEAR THE BART NOISES? I’M ON A BART GOING TO EL CERRITO TO SEE MY FRIEND PEGGY WHO…” “Mom, why are you yelling?” “BECAUSE THE BART TRAIN IS LOUD AND MY CELLPHONE IS SO SMALL. SO SMALL.”

7. Selca: Taking Photos of Yourself (So You Don’t Look Like a Fool Taking Someone Elses)

“…Maybe another reason while selcas are so popular is to avoid looking like the folks who have been captures in awkward positions in an attempt to capture the flattering image of people and such.”

8. The Best Asian Related Questions on Yahoo! Answers

“Dear Internet, I love you and I want to have your baby. Just when I think I’ve seen everything you have to offer, you show me more. I am eternally grateful and completely in awe of your awesomeness. The other day, I was surfing Yahoo! Answers (what can I say, I was bored) and I started to notice some strange questions being asked about Asians.”