8 Asians

Of all the new shows this fall season, one of my favorites is ABC’s Modern Family which tells the story of three inter-related families in a mockumentary style – sort of The Office meets a family sitcom. One of the families is represented by a same sex couple, Mitchell and Cameron, who have adopted a Vietnamese girl, Lily. In the most recent episode, Mitchell accidentally bumps Lily’s head against the ceiling – and being concerned, Mitchell and Cameron take their daughter to see a doctor, who happens to be an Asian American woman who grew up in Denver.

Cameron, being white and feeling he needs to justify the adoption of Lily, makes some inappropriate comments and hilarity ensues.

As someone who came to the United States when I was only 2 years old, it was always expected that I would go home to visit the “mother” country. It was never hard to imagine doing, as I had plenty of relatives who still lived in Taiwan. But, my parents never had the money or the time to take me when I was growing up. The only times they ever went was because someone in the family was sick or dying. And then, only one of them would go and the other would stay and take care of the kids. My first trip back to Taiwan wasn’t until I was in college, using a frequent flyer ticket from my mom. I’ve been back many times since, and now I’m a parent struggling with the same issue. My own daughter is getting older and I’m trying to decide when is the best time to expose her to her roots.

It turns out I’m not the only parent facing this same dilemma, as Wayne Chan writes this week about his decision to take his children to China in Northwest Asian Weekly. Chan’s wife confronts him the with the 8 simple words, “Maybe we should go to China this year”, and his immediate reaction is dread, as he has visions of the long plane ride, and the the hot summer weather (the only time he can go as his kids are school age). But in the end, he reminisces on his own first trip to China, and the life-changing event that it was for him, and he realizes:

I went to China that year as an American who happened to be Asian. I came back as an Asian American. So in all seriousness, “Maybe we should go to China this year.”

It’s that same life-changing experience I dream of for my own daughter, and I know it’s really too early for her, since she’s only 4. But there are a lot of other reasons for taking her back to Taiwan. We’re going for our Thanksgiving break this year. It’s actually a trip I’ve wanted to make for the last two years, but we were never able to go. Originally it was supposed to be three of us who were going, my mom, myself and my daughter. I had even purchased the tickets 2 years ago, but my mom got too ill from her cancer. In the end we had to cancel the trip, and cancer won the battle.

I view this trip to Taiwan, partly as a way to honor the memory of my mom. I’ll be taking my daughter to do all the things I wanted to do with her and her grandmother. She’ll get to meet all the relatives (many of whom are also getting on in age), including aunts, uncles, and cousins. I’ll make sure she sees the sights of Taipei. She may not remember any of it when she’s older, but at least I’ll have the photos to show her, and I’ll know I’ve done my duty to her and to the other elders in the family. My only wish is that this isn’t the only trip to Taiwan she gets to go on before she’s in college.

Ever since the Internet has been available to Asian Americans, we’ve heard random shit about Asian American men: They’re effeminate. They’re child abusers. They’re wife beaters. They’re undesirable to women (or men, for that matter). They’re drunkards. They’re socially inept nerds who prefer playing WoW or D&D than having actual conversations in real life, where the sun shines.

So it shouldn’t be a surprise that we have yet another stereotype to be aware (or proud?) of: We’re cheaters!

Normally, this wouldn’t even register on my radar — ooh, straight Asian guys are having sex. yay — but then realizing how the stereotypes of Asian men have been since at least the 1960s, when apparently Asian men couldn’t have sex with anyone except themselves, it’s good to know that American women (read: middle-class white women) are finally acknowledging this basic fact: Straight Asian men are getting it on. WITH WOMEN. WHITE WOMEN. AND THEY CHEAT.

Of course, when you read the article, it’s painted with incredibly broad brushstrokes (“Asian” culture? Gag.), but it does point, however awkwardly, that straight male privilege is the same in nearly all parts of the globe.  Men are expected to be the breadwinners, work excessive hours to maintain their jobs and their families, and are lucky to see their wives/partners/etc. more than once a week, while having to deal with their stress by excessive drinking, womanizing, etc., because the workplace culture demands it.  And of course, if the writer is assuming this by dating ten or even twenty Asian men, that’s still not enough to make any generalizations.

At least it’s better than the assumption that Asian men are all docile little pussycats that would be the nearly-white men that these white women can take home to meet their (incredibly racist but overly polite to mention it) mothers.

So, to the original writer of that post: Asian men are still men. And some Asian men are douchebags and assholes who will cheat on your complacent white ass (like a certain Asian American man who’s been WAY overexposed who’s known for having eight kids.) And some Asian men are the nicest guys you’ll ever meet. You’ve just been unlucky to meet a whole slew of douchebags.

For those of us growing up in the U.S. with immigrant parents in the seventies and eighties, there was no getting around the fact that the term F.O.B. (Fresh Off the Boat – pronounced letter “F”, letter “O”, letter “B”) was meant to be derogatory, when applied to ourselves, or to our parents. I had no idea, the term has changed in recent times to “fob” (rhymes with rob) and used affectionately as “fobby”. Jeff Yang tackles this topic in a recent article for SFGate. Specifically he writes about two websites, that have gotten a lot of attention in Asian circles, mymomisafob.com and mydadisafob.com. I’ve actually seen the first site, and read through many funny entries.

Yang calls our attention to these sites, not only because they are funny, but because there’s something endearing about them for those of us that have immigrant parents. We love our parents and all their funny quips and sayings. As I said earlier, for those of us of certain age, we’d never actually call them F.O.B., so Yang wanted to know why Teresa Wu and Serena Wu (not related, but creators of the two respective sites), included the “fob” in the title of their websites. It turns out they used the term as “fob”, not “F.O.B.” and referred to their parents as “fobby” in the most endearing way possible. Yang gets some help from another Yang, Gene Yang, to get the explanation for this cultural shift:

[Gene] Yang, who now resides in Fremont, notes that Mission San Jose, the high school Teresa and Serena attended, has one of the most Asian student populations in the nation. “It’s like 80 percent Asian,” he says. “The average SAT scores there are through the roof, and they have no football team, but an absolutely killer badminton team.”

It makes sense that kids growing up in an environment where being Asian is the norm would have a different view of being an immigrant than one where they’re in the minority. “If everyone has immigrant parents, it’s easy to go, ‘Oh, my parents are such fobs’ and feel affectionate toward them, even proud of them,” he says.

I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to wrap my head around calling my own parents “fobby”, but they definitely had their share of “fobby” moments. When my parents bought their first new car ever in 1973, they bought vinyl seat covers to go over the vinyl factory seats. They finally took the seat covers off 13 years later to sell the car. By then the rest of the car was rusted out from too many New York winters, but the seats still looked brand new. I was able to convince my parents in later life that should enjoy the velour in their new car in 1997, rather than wrap the car seats with seat covers, so the next owner could enjoy the seats. I’m curious if anyone else actually uses “fob” and “fobby” endearingly, or do you also think of “F.O.B.” as a derogatory term?

Earlier in the year I blogged about How Bruce Lee Changed the World.  And now Shannon Lee — Bruce Lee’s daughter — is trying to expand and profit more from his legacy, as described recently in the Wall Street Journal:

“In a bid to tap into growing interest in Mr. Lee in China and to develop her father into a powerhouse global brand, Ms. Lee last year bought back the rights to his image from General Electric Co.’s Universal Studios, which had held them since the late 1980s. “They didn’t put the effort behind it I felt should be put behind it,” she says. Universal declined to comment. Then she formed Bruce Lee Enterprises, a licensing company, and LeeWay Media Group, a production company, to raise his profile. Ms. Lee also consulted with the estates of other famous people, including Elvis Presley and John Wayne, to learn more about how to successfully revive a deceased icon’s image. In recent years, the Bruce Lee brand has brought in around $1 million a year, the estate says. With the new push, Ms. Lee hopes she can squeeze $5 million to $10 million from it annually.”

It’s odd to me that the Lee family didn’t own the legacy of their patriarch. Back in September, 60 Minutes did a really interesting segment on “A Living For the Dead” describe how famous dead icons were still generating a lot of income for the family’s estate. Given the fact that Bruce Lee died at the young age of 33 back in 1973, it’s amazing that he’s lived on in his movies and television shows. His impact has directly affected in many ways how Asians and Asian Americans are perceived in the United States and the world. The good for obvious reasons, but have you ever been asked as a kid if you knew Kung Fu like Bruce Lee?

The King of Licensing also happens to be the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll, Elvis Presley, who according to Forbes Magazine brought in $52 million. Actor James Dean brought in $5 million. While I think Bruce Lee is more well known than James Dean, most Chinese didn’t know about Bruce Lee as a result of the Cultural Revolution and China being fairly well closed to the rest of the world when Bruce Lee was alive. Last year, the Chinese state television company CCTV showed a 50-part series — yes, you heard that right — on his life after Shannon Lee licensed her father’s image to the company.

I’m glad Shannon Lee has controlling rights to her father’s image, but I hope she doesn’t do anything tacky to tarnish Bruce Lee’s iconic image. Lee has apparently already starred in a Nokia commercial in China, showing him play ping-pong with a nunchuck and his daughter has signed an off on a Broadway musical about her father which is to debut in the 2010-11 season. Hopefully, we won’t see him vaccuming with a Dirt Devil like Fred Astaire.

(Flickr photo credit: striatic)

So I got this email, and saw the tweet:

Being Asian can prevent you from ascending the corporate ladder. Our seminar, presented with EMC Asian Circle, can tell you what to do about it.

You’ve done all the right things, top marks from perhaps a top school and top job performance. Why haven’t you reached the top as an executive? Learn from a renowned Asian exec who has been there and done that.

Business Professor David Lum will explore the fundamental reasons for why Asians/Asian-Americans have such difficulty in reaching those coveted positions. In addition to exploring the root causes, this seminar will also give clear and practical guidance on what you can do to prepare your career now for the long-term.

I read that and thought, “Wow.”

And that was the end of it. Total jaw drop. I’m not even sure what to say to this considering some facts, but more to that in a second. Let’s backtrack a little bit: I belong to a chapter of NAAAP, the National Association of Asian American Professionals. And obviously with any business organization, there is favoritism and so on, but seriously? We’re going to play the “we don’t get promoted because we’re Asian” card?

While I don’t know where this business professor came from, he apparently used to work for the same corporation as myself, and I never saw any inkling of Asians not being able to get promoted. Perhaps we didn’t work in the same division, but I never saw it within my corporate culture at least. And in my circle of friends and family, there are people that are in middle management all the way to senior management of their respective corporations; I never heard any complaints about promotions being blocked because of being Asian.

Maybe it’s just me, but this type of promotional email doesn’t exactly make me want to hear this speaker ever. Call me crazy, but I just can’t help but shake my head with this one.

I grew up in Manhattan’s Chinatown. My family speak Toisanese (or Taishanese), which is a version of the more commonly known Cantonese. As far as I knew, everyone in Chinatown spoke either Canton or Toisan, or both. But not Mandarin.

Now that elusive gaw-gnui is taking over as the language of Chinatown, thanks to parents pushing their kids to learn it in order to advance in the world. With China growing in influence every day, it’s only natural for our kids to speak the language, so to speak. Even the local Chinese school offers more Mandarin classes than Cantonese.

But what about the older generations who continue to speak Canton and only Canton? Apparently, they’re going to have to readjust everything from where they shop to where they eat. Mr. Wong says when he enters a store where the staff speaks only Mandarin, he must try someplace else. Another Canton speaker, Jan Lee, says he can no longer order food from East Broadway, where a lot of the newer, Mandarin-speaking immigrants are settling. “They don’t speak English; I don’t speak Mandarin. I’m just as lost as everyone else.”

My family moved out of Chinatown eight years ago. Each time I go back to visit, the place evokes memories — memories I am going to have to hold onto, for my childhood home has changed in so many ways. Right down to the language I grew up with.