Excited
Interesting conversation I had with a friend of mine. I had asked why he spoke American English without an accent since he was taught in the style of British proper as are pretty much all Asians that immigrate to the United States. To this he responded with, “…amalgamated it with American English to not stand out.” The last two words were pretty interesting.
Stand out? But in American education, you’re taught that you are brilliant, wonderful, and definitely special. In fact, there’s a school of thought that you should be standing out from the crowd. And don’t get me wrong, that’s a pretty wonderful thing. If we didn’t stand out as individuals, we wouldn’t have people like Steve Jobs and the like. But it is interesting that immigrants have taken an opposite stance and do not wish attention drawn to them. In fact, they just want to blend into the crowd instead of pushing to the front.
It makes you wonder from a cultural perspective what creates this type of mentality and the pros and cons of each especially in a economically driven society. It all goes back to why Yankee ingenuity reigns supreme in many things such as research and development, but as a work force, Asians seem to be more docile which often is to the delight of a management team. For those of us that are raised here in the more westernized environment, it’s not even a question about how we’re often more outgoing than our friends across the Pacific. But it does raise some interesting thoughts. Do those of us Asian Americans then have the best of both worlds? I believe it’s very possible.
Photo Credit: (wallyg)
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Very true.
I agree with that point (that you can blend in and stand out at same time). But the fact of the matter is that immigrants don't want to stand out, even after they blend in. I disagree that effeminate men can't blend in. It's one thing to be quiet and soft spoken. In fact, Gackt (who isn't gay) is very effeminate, and yet he keeps to himself and his personal life very guarded. On the other hand, you have someone like Perez Hilton that goes all out.
Again, another east vs. west culturally.
But again, you of all people if anything, represent western culture way more so than eastern. I don't represent eastern either, but I do understand where they come from and why they do so. I've had long conversations with friends and family about it before and there is a lot of why people like to do so.
Unfortunately, everyone makes the topic like it's supposed to be black and white and if you're right, then they're wrong... or vice versa. That's the problem that I see, even in this discussion. There is an obvious disconnect between east vs. west, and both viewpoints are right, correct, incorrect, or whatever. In the end, it's just that when you bring both together, it's no wonder that people get angry since no one sits down and looks at environment from the perspective of the other side.
Very true.
I agree with that point (that you can blend in and stand out at same time). But the fact of the matter is that immigrants don't want to stand out, even after they blend in. I disagree that effeminate men can't blend in. It's one thing to be quiet and soft spoken. In fact, Gackt (who isn't gay) is very effeminate, and yet he keeps to himself and his personal life very guarded. On the other hand, you have someone like Perez Hilton that goes all out.
Again, another east vs. west culturally.
But again, you of all people if anything, represent western culture way more so than eastern. I don't represent eastern either, but I do understand where they come from and why they do so. I've had long conversations with friends and family about it before and there is a lot of why people like to do so.
Unfortunately, everyone makes the topic like it's supposed to be black and white and if you're right, then they're wrong... or vice versa. That's the problem that I see, even in this discussion. There is an obvious disconnect between east vs. west, and both viewpoints are right, correct, incorrect, or whatever. In the end, it's just that when you bring both together, it's no wonder that people get angry since no one sits down and looks at environment from the perspective of the other side.
My point is, you can blend in and stand out at the same time. Do I want to blend in with the crowd? Yes. I'm not speaking just from a racial perspective. I am gay, but I've been told I'm not obviously so. There are people who can't blend in, like gay men who are naturally effeminate for example. They get harassed a lot. Blending in and being invisible has its benefits. It gives you more freedom than people who cannot blend in. Yes, this is unfair, and I can write an entire essay on this, but I'm going to keep it brief. Your friend, realizing that he is different from everyone around him, probably just wants to fit in and not be bothered, and he realizes that he has the ability to blend in and is using that ability to do so by changing his accent.
However, this does not mean he cannot stand out in other ways, like on the basketball court or in school or [fill in the blank].
My point is, you can blend in and stand out at the same time. Do I want to blend in with the crowd? Yes. I'm not speaking just from a racial perspective. I am gay, but I've been told I'm not obviously so. There are people who can't blend in, like gay men who are naturally effeminate for example. They get harassed a lot. Blending in and being invisible has its benefits. It gives you more freedom than people who cannot blend in. Yes, this is unfair, and I can write an entire essay on this, but I'm going to keep it brief. Your friend, realizing that he is different from everyone around him, probably just wants to fit in and not be bothered, and he realizes that he has the ability to blend in and is using that ability to do so by changing his accent.
However, this does not mean he cannot stand out in other ways, like on the basketball court or in school or [fill in the blank].
See... that's the thing. It's not a point to change perspectives, or change viewpoints. If you believe there's a problem, and he believes there's a problem... the only issue is on how to attack that problem itself. With both western and eastern cultures, there are differences of how that problem is resolved. Western is more aggressive, while eastern is more passive. Either way works.
So in not seeing that both methodologies can lead to the same result, but through different means, each side is ignorant of the other side.
That does sort of tie into the above that I wrote, but I think all in all, it's more of a East meets West thing. Unfortunately, as children of immigrants, we get the most frustrating job of trying to make both ends meet since we're stuck in both cultures.
See... that's the thing. It's not a point to change perspectives, or change viewpoints. If you believe there's a problem, and he believes there's a problem... the only issue is on how to attack that problem itself. With both western and eastern cultures, there are differences of how that problem is resolved. Western is more aggressive, while eastern is more passive. Either way works.
So in not seeing that both methodologies can lead to the same result, but through different means, each side is ignorant of the other side.
That does sort of tie into the above that I wrote, but I think all in all, it's more of a East meets West thing. Unfortunately, as children of immigrants, we get the most frustrating job of trying to make both ends meet since we're stuck in both cultures.
I remember getting into a huge argument with my dad about 'not standing out'. He was all, "Keep your head down, be humble, be quiet." I looked at him incredulously and said, "THAT'S HOW WE'RE IN THIS MESS TO BEGIN WITH!" How in the world is anyone going to change perspectives if we don't do our part to assert ourselves? Then again, he doesn't like that my sister and I are pretty much the black sheeps of the family clan.
I remember getting into a huge argument with my dad about 'not standing out'. He was all, "Keep your head down, be humble, be quiet." I looked at him incredulously and said, "THAT'S HOW WE'RE IN THIS MESS TO BEGIN WITH!" How in the world is anyone going to change perspectives if we don't do our part to assert ourselves? Then again, he doesn't like that my sister and I are pretty much the black sheeps of the family clan.
Excellence in academics isn't just something that asian immigrant parents do. Maybe it's where I grew up, but having gone to the public school that was ranked first in the state for academics, it made no difference what race you were.
The point of it being that on a generic level, immigrants still do not wish to stand out.
Sure there are exceptions to the rule, as with anything. But as I've said, from my observations, immigrants tend not to do so. First generations though? Different story. From what you're telling me is that you're first generation. If that's the case, then you already act and are influenced by your environment (eg. Minority Enrichment workshop) that your parents did not go through. That's the entire point of the matter.
It's not good or bad. It's how the world is viewed from different perspectives. On the broader spectrum though, I don't believe the observation is incorrect.
Excellence in academics isn't just something that asian immigrant parents do. Maybe it's where I grew up, but having gone to the public school that was ranked first in the state for academics, it made no difference what race you were.
The point of it being that on a generic level, immigrants still do not wish to stand out.
Sure there are exceptions to the rule, as with anything. But as I've said, from my observations, immigrants tend not to do so. First generations though? Different story. From what you're telling me is that you're first generation. If that's the case, then you already act and are influenced by your environment (eg. Minority Enrichment workshop) that your parents did not go through. That's the entire point of the matter.
It's not good or bad. It's how the world is viewed from different perspectives. On the broader spectrum though, I don't believe the observation is incorrect.
Okay, so what about the Asian immigrant parents who push their kids to excel in academics? That's standing out.
But haven't you also heard Asian immigrant parents say things like, the nail that sticks out gets hammered down?
Those aren't conflicting concepts, although it may seem so at first glance.
My parents pushed me to stand out academically, but they also sent me to a workshop called "Minority Enrichment" in high school (I kid you not) in which were were taught things like how you're supposed to set the table, the difference between a white wine glass and a red wine glass and how you're supposed to hold them differently, how you're supposed to dress and act at interviews, etc. The latter was intended to teach me mannerisms to emulate so that I would not stand out as a child of immigrants if I were at a boss's cocktail party or something. However, I was expected to be #1 in an academic setting.
Okay, so what about the Asian immigrant parents who push their kids to excel in academics? That's standing out.
But haven't you also heard Asian immigrant parents say things like, the nail that sticks out gets hammered down?
Those aren't conflicting concepts, although it may seem so at first glance.
My parents pushed me to stand out academically, but they also sent me to a workshop called "Minority Enrichment" in high school (I kid you not) in which were were taught things like how you're supposed to set the table, the difference between a white wine glass and a red wine glass and how you're supposed to hold them differently, how you're supposed to dress and act at interviews, etc. The latter was intended to teach me mannerisms to emulate so that I would not stand out as a child of immigrants if I were at a boss's cocktail party or something. However, I was expected to be #1 in an academic setting.
@Grace:
Heh. Actually, he's just fine not standing out. What I find amusing here is more so the fact that people are analyzing it from their own perspectives, than stepping into the shoes of the other side. Like many in the generations before me, they just want to lead quiet lives with no one bothering them and out of the spot light.
Point being, the differences in culture drive different types of things. It's not that my friends wants to stand out in any way, shape or form. It's that our environment dictates how we become.
Either way, I don't know many of my asian friends with immigrant parents that actually want to stand out.
@Grace:
Heh. Actually, he's just fine not standing out. What I find amusing here is more so the fact that people are analyzing it from their own perspectives, than stepping into the shoes of the other side. Like many in the generations before me, they just want to lead quiet lives with no one bothering them and out of the spot light.
Point being, the differences in culture drive different types of things. It's not that my friends wants to stand out in any way, shape or form. It's that our environment dictates how we become.
Either way, I don't know many of my asian friends with immigrant parents that actually want to stand out.
When everybody present is uber duper different from you, you want to assimilate and integrate as best as you can.
When everybody present is uber duper similar to you, you want to stand out and distinguish yourself as much as you can.
It's just one of those things.
When everybody present is uber duper different from you, you want to assimilate and integrate as best as you can.
When everybody present is uber duper similar to you, you want to stand out and distinguish yourself as much as you can.
It's just one of those things.
No, no, no! I think you're misunderstanding your friend. Your friend does not want to be treated differently than others based on his national origin so that he may stand out based on his personal accomplishments and talents. He believes that if he blends in one way, he can stand out in other ways. Does this make sense?
No, no, no! I think you're misunderstanding your friend. Your friend does not want to be treated differently than others based on his national origin so that he may stand out based on his personal accomplishments and talents. He believes that if he blends in one way, he can stand out in other ways. Does this make sense?
According to a book I've read called Live for Success, Americans see British accents as more upper-class than American accents. I've met an Asian male from Singapore who affected an accent close to British, and he confirmed my query as to whether he did so to improve his income (which is in the 6 figures).
According to a book I've read called Live for Success, Americans see British accents as more upper-class than American accents. I've met an Asian male from Singapore who affected an accent close to British, and he confirmed my query as to whether he did so to improve his income (which is in the 6 figures).
I think it's the same with people constantly being asked, "Where do you come from?" right? And particularly in America - certain regions don't appreciate others 'uniqueness'. It takes a lot for a person not to be pressured to conform. I know of a guy - who was born in Hong Kong, educated in Canada, worked in London England for 8 years, came back with a mix Hong Kong-British accent. Although when people first met him, they had trouble understanding him because of the accent, and every so often I would have to ask him to repeat himself - but the accent made him sexy - and he knew it.
I think it's the same with people constantly being asked, "Where do you come from?" right? And particularly in America - certain regions don't appreciate others 'uniqueness'. It takes a lot for a person not to be pressured to conform. I know of a guy - who was born in Hong Kong, educated in Canada, worked in London England for 8 years, came back with a mix Hong Kong-British accent. Although when people first met him, they had trouble understanding him because of the accent, and every so often I would have to ask him to repeat himself - but the accent made him sexy - and he knew it.
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