By June
Some questions were raised in a recent interview in NPR about why there is a high percentage of suicide among Asian-American women. There are allusions to the high pressures of Asian parents and the usual stereotypes of submissive or sexualized women.
When I heard about this, I wasn’t surprised, because this has happened in my own family. But I can’t say I relate to the women stereotypes, because I was still just a kid when I first became depressed. Maybe I relate to some of the stereotypical parental pressures, but there were other problems.
I was born in Taiwan but raised in the U.S. from babyhood. I started out as a happy kid, but I became very depressed at the age of eleven. I felt helpless about finding help for this, because I didn’t feel I could relate to or communicate well with my own family, even my older brothers, who were essentially raised in a different culture. I felt I couldn’t talk to my American friends or teachers about it because I felt that they wouldn’t understand the kind of difficulty I was experiencing. Also having been raised in an affluent background, I sometimes questioned the validity of my own depression.
All this on top of the fact that seeking therapy or admitting to mental disorder seemed completely taboo (I’m sure this is true for many non-immigrant Americans as well), and one of my brothers probably had Asperger’s Syndrome when we had no idea what it was. I started to resent my own family for not addressing my brother’s Aspergian issues. It was a dysfunctional family without a lot of hope.
Like Ms. Wang experienced in her therapy, I was also skeptical of finding an American therapist or teacher who understood what I was going through. There were other Asian-American kids at school, but somehow they all seemed much more assimilated into American society and didn’t outwardly reflect the problems I was feeling. (My Chinese piano teacher seemed horrified that I was unfamiliar with all the standard Christmas songs, for example. Was I supposed to be mad at my teacher or my parents?)
But I was incredibly fortunate that I had a very functional and inspirational older brother who detected signs of my depression, and even though he had moved thousands of miles away to college, he recognized my feelings and my pain and kept reminding me that eventually there would be a way out. He helped me focus on what I could do later in life, when I could escape the confines of a dysfunctional family. I am not sure I would be here if he didn’t reach out to me that way.
When I was in my teens, my mother died, suddenly. I was told that she died of a heart attack. I was so stunned and numbed by this news, that I didn’t even have the impulse to hug my father like I wish I could have. It wasn’t until my father died many years later of cancer that I learned that my mother had actually committed suicide. But I wasn’t surprised. I knew she was depressed. But I didn’t know that she had also suffered from delusions.
I’m sure my whole family felt the guilt of not reaching out to her… and probably still do feel that guilt. Aside from the stereotypes of Asian culture, we had communication problems, we had cultural misunderstandings, and conflicts of values having grown up in differing cultures. I couldn’t comfortably express my feelings or thoughts at home, or if I did, I didn’t believe that anyone would listen or do anything about it. There was a huge sense of betrayal and isolation that grew from all of that. I also felt that my father was domineering and verbally abusive.
But looking back on it, my father likely had Asperger’s Syndrome as well. I believe my mother felt trapped (like I did) and tried to survive long enough to take care of us. When she became depressed and delusional, my family hid her mental illness from me (being the youngest) and anyone else. I understand that they wanted to protect us, but it ended up being very damaging, as my mother didn’t get the help that she needed.
There is a lack of education and awareness about mental disease in general, and any time there are unknowns, people become very afraid of it. I am still learning about it and dealing with it. I think there needs to be a heightened awareness especially for immigrant families, who fear mental illness and don’t know how to address it.
My parents also were very socially isolated, so that only diminished any hope of healthy-minded friends who could have reached out to them. As a result, I’ve made a point of broadening my social circle as a kind of extended family and support group. And even though my parents are gone, I have grown closer to my cousins and visit my extended family during the holidays to maintain a sense of family.
People who know me now recognize me as one of the happiest people they know. I’ve even been asked if I am ever sad, which is a little ridiculous. I am not a happy robot. I survived a very dark time, and so everyday I feel very fortunate to live a functional life now. I feel that I owe it to my parents to do what I can to be happy, because they weren’t as lucky to enjoy that. I had a lot of fears growing up, and along the way I’ve assured myself that I am capable and have found people who will support me. So now when times are difficult, I believe there is a way out of it, and I just need to be patient in finding it. And while I still try to be a very independent adult, I know that I can ask for help if I need it.
I should also point out that therapy is often not covered by insurance, so I am sure the financial burden of seeking therapy is a huge part of the problem. My father was self-employed, so I grew up without health coverage. My parents ultimately sacrificed their lives for us, and probably didn’t know any other way to deal with it, under the circumstances. I hope that any health reform that happens will address the complications of mental illness.
I hope that by sharing my story, it might help others understand the issues that lead to such tragedies and might prevent it from happening in your family.
ABOUT JUNE: June Shieh is a freelance Toy and Web Designer and a Californian transplant, now living in New York (soon to reside in Greenwich Village).
(Flickr photo credit: Paul J Everett)
What next?
Other posts you may be interested in:
- Family Conflict – Not Depression – A Significant Risk Factor for Asian American Suicide
- Push to achieve tied to suicide in Asian-American women
- Family Obligation May Lessen Depression Symptoms for Chinese American Teens
- Religion May Make Asian Teenagers More Depressed
- The 8Asians Writers Talk About: Asian Shooters
Recent Comments
- Taking Care of Your Elderly Parents
- Jeff: It always bothered me and still bothers me to see how some Asian parents have some obvious favoritism toward some of their kids, especially when the favorite clearly has issues while a nonfavorite clearly has tremendous potential...
- Daul Kim: One Sassy ‘n Smart Bitch
- KFC vs. KGC: WTF???
- alienation: This is a great thread! I grew up eating Kentucky Fried Chicken. My family would make an effort to get it in East L.A., over by the King Cole Pizza. It was way better than the Kentucky Fried over in MPK and up in SG. I...
- Proof that Russell of Disney/Pixar’s Up is Asian: The Color Scripts
- Mending Broken Glass: Khmer Rouge History Now to be Taught in Cambodia
- kbok: it may seem shocking to other people that kids don’t believe their elders when hearing about khmer rouge atrocities, but if your mother told you that soldiers shot at her, pushing her off a mountain and into landmine paths...
- Chinese Adoptees: Stolen or Abandoned?
- Dan: CSLI, I think my previous comment stated that I “hope” not “should”. It was not meant to belittle anyone and yes I can imagine just like most people, adopted or not. Though the effect will not be the same as...
Recent Events
- [Nov 3] NORTHERN CA: Intro to Movietelling (Neo-Benshi) with Dennis Somera
- [Nov 14] SOUTHERN CA: Grace Kim & the Spiders From Mars
- [Nov 20] NORTHERN CA: CATS 9th Annual Asian Comedy Night starring 18 Mighty Mountain Warriors
- [Nov 21] SOUTHERN CA: BANANA: Where Infamous Asian-American Bloggers Unite to Chop It Up
- [Nov 22] TORONTO: S.M. Global Audition
14 Comments to “Depression, Suicide and Asian American Women: My Story”
LindaChan wrote:
Thank you for sharing your story June. We don't often hear about Asian Americans and depression and I'm glad that you came through it put your story out there. And yes, therapy often not being covered by insurance is a major problem. We are often so concerned with healing the physical wounds that we sometimes forget about the ones in our heart.
Posted on 01-Oct-09 at 10:47 am | Permalink
Letsu Go! wrote:
Kudos to June for being so open with her story. I think finding and reading personal accounts like this can be a step towards getting help, reaching out, surviving. I dealt with migraines from age 11-18, and her words resonate with me on many levels.
Posted on 01-Oct-09 at 11:12 am | Permalink
jozjozjoz wrote:
Brava to June for sharing her story with us!
Like Jen Wang from Disgrasian, not only is she incredibly brave to share her story, but it also provides a great deal of hope for others going through the same thing to know that a happy and healthy end is possible.
Posted on 01-Oct-09 at 12:07 pm | Permalink
jadepark wrote:
June–virtual hugs to you. You're not alone, I hear your story (I suffered from chronic depression for years until I got help) and am proud of you for sharing. Somewhere out there, someone else is no longer feeling alone.
Posted on 01-Oct-09 at 12:34 pm | Permalink
lacsu wrote:
We are in dire need for Asian American therapists, counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists who speak the native language. This piece by June resonates with me tremendously. I've experienced similar struggles within my own family. In our culture, seeking therapy is taboo and “saving face” is a curtain we use to prevent people from knowing we're not doing/feeling well. Even in confidentiality, during my childhood, there weren't any therapists who spoke Vietnamese or Chinese to explain things to my depressed father and most likely mother and most likely siblings. I was definitely depressed. My therapy at the time as the bottle. That was the only way I knew how to cope.
Thank you for sharing, Jen and June. I'm glad we're talking about it more.
Best,
Lac Su
author of “I Love Yous Are for White People”
Posted on 01-Oct-09 at 3:35 pm | Permalink
Ahmed Sanchez De La Cruz Kim wrote:
A moving telling of your life and hope things will go well June.
Lacsu is right.
Communication is a, probably the most powerful tool to move forward for any human being. Not only does the Asian American community need more professionials with this group but being very efficiently-fluently billingual should be a must. Language helps make bonds stronger and brings out an even bigger awareness of how anyone isn't truly alone.
On a personal note, my family has a friend in Hong Kong who has worked in the medical field both in the States and over there. There are hard working professionials overseas who are quite knowledgable and empathic to such issues, and are greatly aware of the complications of stress, distinguishing individual and family cases, cultural barriers, generational gaps, even minority problems. (Hong Kong society as a whole is a little different than how it's often portrayed by media or described by a lot of travellers/inhabitants).
Although there are notable differences, I really thing for the sake of the Asian American community here, it's probably worth checking out what our cousins overseas are doing regarding this topic and possibly work together.
Posted on 01-Oct-09 at 10:49 pm | Permalink
Ahmed Sanchez De La Cruz Kim wrote:
Sorry my typo.
Although there are notable differences, I really *think* for the sake of the Asian American community here, it's probably worth checking out what our cousins overseas are doing regarding this topic and possibly work together.
I am a little obsessed over words.
Posted on 01-Oct-09 at 10:53 pm | Permalink
jwong88 wrote:
As an Asian American, I believe that depression is rampant among our ethnic groups and not just among female members. It starts with our parents who, despite material success in this country, still struggle with whatever traumas they endured in their old countries. What they transmit to their children is a negative view of life. This is exacerbated by an Asian style of communication, i.e. no communication at all but a guessing game as to what each other is feeling. Inside such an echo chamber, it is so easy to lose one's bearings.
For those of you who are suffering from such pain, get help. There are ways out and even non-Asian therapists, while imperfect, can be a good start.
Posted on 02-Oct-09 at 10:32 am | Permalink
Amanda Zhang wrote:
Thank you for sharing your story, June. I crossposted this to my Dreamwidth and a few other places. My friends really appreciate you writing this too.
Posted on 03-Oct-09 at 7:59 pm | Permalink
elxu wrote:
does anyone have any credible statistics which break down suicide by race and gender. Nothing is coming up for me.
I'm not saying suicide isn't a problem. There could and should be more resources available to AAs. I just would like a clearer picture on the prevalence.
Posted on 06-Oct-09 at 12:49 pm | Permalink
ErnieAtLYD wrote:
I haven't been able to look at this raw data since I'm at work, but a quick trip to vark.com got the following links you can take a look at:
http://www.sdchip.org/pdfs/SDSuicideReport.pdf
http://togpartners.com/chc/handouts/Suicide%20R...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epidemiology_and_M...
http://www.suicide.org/suicide-statistics.html
Posted on 06-Oct-09 at 1:21 pm | Permalink
catherine_sr wrote:
Thank you for sharing your experience, June. I totally emphasize with the following: “People who know me now recognize me as one of the happiest people they know. I’ve even been asked if I am ever sad, which is a little ridiculous. I am not a happy robot. I survived a very dark time, and so everyday I feel very fortunate to live a functional life now.” Depression is one of the reasons I strive to be positive and able to laugh at myself.
I wonder how many studies have been done linking intergenerational transmission of trauma specifically with depression among Asian Americans. A lot of us have family members who witnessed and were directly impacted by political violence over the last sixty years or so. Even in the US, Japanese Americans suffered internment during WWII. The effects of that trauma can reverberate through generations, especially if family members are unwilling or unable to discuss what they went through. I've seen a lot of articles dealing with how academic pressure, high standards in general, cultural taboos against admitting to mental illness, etc. have contribute to depression among AAs, but I don't think I've seen a lot linking trauma with it.
Posted on 07-Oct-09 at 10:46 am | Permalink
to wrote:
I have a mother who has a history of depression. I’m not sure where she can get help. There are so many taboos and cultural perspectives to take into account of. I inherited some of my mother’s issues because I was at the “coalface” of her depression. She has a lot of issues and I’m still learning how to separate hers from mine. Thanks for sharing your story. The cultural perspective is significant.
Posted on 10-Nov-09 at 2:25 am | Permalink
D wrote:
The main reasons…
Family, Culture and Environment.
A topic that arises time to time on this site is self-identity issues among Asians, in particular East-Asians.
Hmmm…
I have put myself in situations to observe how I or fellow Asians interact with the majority. I have had my share of conflicts and have gradually learned that simply we are all different. The difference is minimized through aging. Change occurs with time. It may a bit longer for some Asians as we grow older slower (both mental and physical) LOL!
.
The problem is really simple, Globalization!
We judge ourselves in terms of Western appetite for success, wealth, intelligence, beauty and blah, blah, blah.
When the ‘world’ opened up its doors, ‘we’ entered to see the sights, the sounds; the entertainment!
Simply, ‘we’ can not ‘measure’ up…unless…
Why is there China towns? Korean towns? Japanese towns? and etc. in big metropolitan places?
It is a place where ‘our’ people can ‘identify’ within our confines and possibly share something between ourselves and/or with others.
Possibly the only way to understand the ‘problem’ is to observe it through the lense of ‘your’ people. Take a trip back home and travel all over ‘Asia’.
What would ‘your’ people say? About themselves and others? Where on the scale from zero to a billion do they rank ‘this’ and ‘that’ knowing what they ‘know’?
Here, the problem lies with knowledge and intelligence. There is a reason why the ‘West’ grouped that many countries into the massive continent called ‘Asia’. What do we all share?
Amidst all the ‘problems’, here comes the ‘humanistic’ approach…again… Live, work, ‘help’ and die. I am an ‘old’ man now…
Let the people of colour fight for what we leave for them. Otherwise… Not to worry! What can they do? without us? Heck they even fight among themselves! HahaHA! Intelligent maker keeps his bounty. The worker slave does ‘his’ work under the guise.
Working it! Sticky Rice!
Posted on 10-Nov-09 at 9:10 pm | Permalink
Post a Comment