8 Asians

While doing some research for a book I was thinking of writing, I came upon a bunch of web pages dedicated to exploring the connection between aliens and people of Asian descent. Not thealiens ineligible for citizenship” kind, but literally aliens from outer space — It seems that people on the Internet believe that Asians are either aliens themselves or the love child of an intergalactic relationship.

Most of the “evidence” (I use the word evidence very loosely) for this alien/Asian connection are based on out-dated Asian stereotypes. Some of my personal favorites: We’re good at math and seem to be technologically advanced, our lack of size/hair/height, the perceived difficulty/complexity of our languages, our martial arts abilities, our almond (their word, not mine) eyes, the fact that the Bible does not mention us, and many other silly reasons that are too numerous (and idiotic) to list here. The most convincing though is the fact that “aliens” sounds similar to “Asians.” It is impossible to argue with that kind of logic..

In addition, many people who claim to have been abducted by aliens have said their abductors looked Asian. According to UFOAnlyer, 25% of the people who have been abducted have said that their abductor’s eyes were “oriental” or “mongoloid.” And in that same report, one guy even had sexual relations with two alien women. One was a blond and the other was Asian looking!

The Asian woman was about 5’8”, also with the oversized eyes but very black eyes and black hair. Her cheekbones were very pronounced and the cheeks were very puffy. He could tell that neither were human.

As an Asian American, I have an important confession to make: We ARE descendants of aliens who mated with a bunch primitive humans. No one was supposed to know until next year! 2012 is when the Mayan calendar ends and we can make it official! But now you know, and now I must kill you.

Okay, maybe not. But Swedish people are DEFINITELY aliens. They are descendants of an alien race known as the “Nordics.” The Nordics are tall, light skinned, blue-eyed, and blond haired. And according to their Wikipedia page (and as you know Wikipedia is NEVER wrong), they are responsible for global warming.

I’m sure if I did more “research,” I would find an alien that represents every race we have here on earth. But why do we even think that different aliens would even look human? I don’t know about you but when I think of aliens, I think of the big badass kind that look like giant insects!

The crazy thing isn’t that there are people out there that believe this crap but that there are a TON of sites  where people are actually debating the merits of all of this. There is even a Facebook group that is dedicated to this question (albeit they have only 14 people who “liked” the group).

But the one fact thing that did get me thinking was a poll that found that Asians (in Asia) seem to be the more likely to believe that “Alien beings have come to earth and walk amongst us in our communities disguised as us.” That’s a little suspicious if you ask me.

In the end, I’m left with only one question, if we really are the decedents of aliens why didn’t they make us in charge of this planet?

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