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• Ben Hwang
  I was just thinking about this.... am I just exotic arm candy for my wife? I'll have to ask her later if I'm an asian trophy husband. haha. :p
• Dan W
  Sometimes, and again Sometimes, I think some Asian/Asian-American men are a bit picky or closed off towards other possibilities. There really are a lot of Non-Asian women out there, for various reasons many of them good, that like Asian men as their "partner(s) in crime." Some like the looks, other the culture, many just because they like the individual regardless of background. For those guys who are looking for their other half, open up. Not everyone believes in those stereotypes and they don't hold true for all men of course.
  
  Actually, this is one of the over-looked major reasons why we are so numerous in the world. Take the Chinese and their long rich history of absorbing many different groups of people, which included Non-Asians both men and women.
  
  On one hand, and I know people will jump on me for this, I hope people won't be so harsh against those who want to be with someone of similar background. I know that a lot of times people will think of the extreme examples, like race preference or ethno-centrism...that's all true but it does not necessarily be that absolute. While race is often superficial, other criteria like age, culture, language, intellectual interests, etc. they all matter.
  
  Even if the same background there will be issues of course, but any serious relationship needs hard work generally speaking. Also for those naive minds, except for the questionable few cases, most of the time a serious relationship will involved family meddling so find ways to deal with them.
• gthro123
  well put... there are many non-asians who would make a good fit for many asian men. I also like that you included those who would prefer to be with their own race or of similar background. There are also many who would prefer that too(me being one of them). Being open-minded means TRYING to see things from another perspective. There are many who have no preference towards race, many who have a preference towards specific different race, or those who prefer their own race. Matter of preference, not necessarily superiority(SOMETIMES). I've been interested in many non-asians, and was serious with a latina. I still do prefer to be with my own race, but i still keep an open eye towards other races. Beautiful women are beautiful women.
• gracechu
  Uh, here's a concept:
  
  Don't like interracial May-December relationships? Don't be in one. Simple. The end.
  
  Other people's dating situations should take up extraordinarily little thought. Worry about your own dating life and stop caring about others. And to those who are constantly getting grief about dating people that others find socially unacceptable, you go on with your bad selves! Don't let others get to you.
• cabean
  Amen.
• urb4n
  That is a rather selfish comment, no? Thing is, I have no problem with that but don't say that it isn't an issue if it keeps coming up. Just because Asian women don't see it affecting them doesn't mean that it's not affecting anyone ELSE.
  
  This is my biggest gripe about people who are so dismissive about someone else's worries and concerns.
  
  This is such a sore issue for Asian men is because they're the ones losing out on the situation and you simple can't fathom that perspective because you're not the one who's actually experiencing the short end of the stick. What kills me is the fact that the reason why this is such a sore issue is because Asian men WANT to be with Asian women by choice and are just lashing out. What makes it worse is that Asian women then turn around and use this issue to further abuse Asian men.
  
  Here's the thing: I fully expect Asian women to be abusive. The reasoning is simple. Asian women hold a massive amount of social leverage over Asian men. This is why I encourage Asian men to work on being more socially acceptable and get off the reservation by dating non-Asian women. Once you bring the interracial dating disparity to a close, there is balance. When there is balance, there is no conflict.
  
  Why is that almost all men don't understand why sexism is such an issue for women? Or why certain actions directed from a man might be viewed as threatening? Or why white people don't understand subtle racial stereotyping of minorities?
  
  It's because those respective groups have never experienced it or even care to. Now, there are some women who say "I can understand why Asian men are upset." That's a start but like my father always said, "I can tell you that this glass of water is cold, but until you drink from it, you have no idea how cold it really is."
• htan07
  Asian women's dating lives should have nothing to do with anyone else except for themselves. It is not our responsibility to choose dating partners based on considering "how will this benefit Asian men in the West?" Our choices should be about ourselves and ourselves alone. Just like everyone is entitled to choose for themselves.
  
  I for one, would date a man of ANY RACE so long as their individual qualities are to my preference. So are you saying that if given the choice between an abusive, emotionally distant man who happens to be Asian versus a supportive, loving man who happens to be white/black/brown/hispanic/otherwise non-Asian, I should choose the Asian man, simply so that I can re-affirm their egos?
• urb4n
  Excuse me but have you actually read the comments or are you simply employing the same knee jerk response that Asian women usually use?
• htan07
  Yes, I have. And since you asked who Ying Chu is, I must ask..have YOU read the entire board?
  
  Im assuming you're an Asian man? Would you want someone preaching to you on who you should and shouldn't date, or would you rather be able to choose for yourself?
  
  And reading your comments, you're making sweeping generalizations (Asian woman are abusive, Asian women hold more social leverage over Asian men, Asian women and White men have a fetish for each other).
  
  "This is why when Asian women shack up with white men, they are proving and reinforcing their commonly held belief that white men are superior. This is also why when Asian men date/marry white women, it spits the stereotype in their faces and fights the social myth that was established by white men in the first place."
  
  Um, excuse me, but have you spoken to any or all asian women about WHY they date white men? Where are your sources please? How about, people are in relationships for other reasons such as genuine love/socio-economic background/money/sex/etc?
  
  At the end of the day, I urge you, to firstly examine YOURSELF. Based on reading this you seem like a selfish, bitter person. Maybe that's why you're having so many troubles with women? You're blaming the "other"..in this case, Asian women. Secondly, mind your own business. Live and let live. You're in no place to judge.
• mdb54
  I'm 54 and going back to college. In the general chemistry class (spring 09) I met a young Korean woman (19-30?) that wanted to know which section of the next chemistry class I was registered. Since I had made about half the class participation (answers, questions) and had caught the professor's mistakes several times, I thought it might be she felt more comfortable that her notes would be correct. (The 3 Korean women in the class barely spoke at all in class.) Fall 09 again she asks that and what my major is and if it pays well. It sound likes she wants some sort of relationship I wasn't expecting. I find her very attractive and am considering it. I do not have an Asian fetish.
  
  What it boils down to is she thinks I intelligent, have good income potential and have equal or higher class (according to one Korean Culture site that is important). I am bald, tall (6-2), muscular and overweight at 270 lbs and carry a 25lb pack pack up and down the stairs up to 4 floors (so if you see me jogging up the stairs, you know there is some level of fitness despite the weight). I also dress business casual (no blue jeans ever) with some sense of style.
  
  In the past two or three years I have attracted the attention of other young women, one introduced to me by her father while taking photos of cigar boat races. (me - guy with expensive camera - her also taking pictures with good camera). 1 desperate white widow (with 2 children at home) met while shopping, 1 Hispanic dental hygienist who thought I was funny (or was she being polite?) with decent income. One 30 something white women clerk while shopping at REI (pricey place). Somewhat interested Hispanic bank clerks and one Portuguese American receptionist where I worked as a designer. Also some Macedonian young lady working in Orlando sub shop (there temporarily looking for a sugar daddy that would stay in Orlando - I did flirt with her and tell her she had beautiful eyes). I almost forget the white waitress from Minnesota in NC working on a degree in Industrial Design (I was not critical of her accent, had the degree she was working on and gave her information on schools and website for the industry)
  
  What I take from all these encounters is, money, success, humor, confidence, intelligence, dressing well, common interest and friendliness are all found attractive by women. Tall and even a bit handsome helps. (Sexy probably helps too, but for me that was a long time ago). You also have to be willing to make conversation and you have to be ready for the unexpected chemistry and listen for the subtle clues (being tongue tied might lose you a chance of striking up a relationship). I haven't dated any of these women yet, and I wonder if I should have on a couple of occasions and glad I didn't on a couple too. This all in 3 different states, Florida (Miami and Orlando areas), Charlotte North Carolina, Lansing (and Pictured Rocks National Lakeshore) Michigan. So despite on occasion be the minority in Miami, or the not from here in North Carolina, I was able to spark interest in the opposite sex without trying.
  
  Apparently you do not always have to be thin, or have a head of hair.
  
  What can you do to increase your odds? Work on speaking in public, friendliness, flirting, getting smarter, better dressed, making more money and showing up in places where you would meet women that share your interest.
  
  Most women will not date a man significantly older, and many will not date a man that makes less money, but all you need is one (right?). I flirt with women my own age too, but am seriously thinking about having children.
• cabean
  As an Asian woman in a happy interracial relationship, I can say, with much glee, that my white husband subjugated me last night -- and I LOVED it. Take that, haters!
  
  Seriously, though, anyone who thinks they can fight racism by sneering at people's intimate relationships is barking up the wrong tree. I'm sick of the in-fighting in the Asian American community about this. It's pointless and, besides, we're marginalized enough already. How is labeling every Asian woman in an interracial relationship a race traitor/brain dead/slutty/submissive going to help us form a cohesive voice against prejudice? It just feeds into it! I bet one of the main reasons that the Ying Chu article went to publication was that her editor thought "hey, if an Asian person wrote this, then it can't possibly be racist!" Talk about race betrayal...
  
  And for you Asian guys out there who seem to think that every Asian woman who dates a white guy decimates your own dating pool -- gross! We are not your personal harem!
• makt
  "And for you Asian guys out there who seem to think that every Asian woman who dates a white guy decimates your own dating pool -- gross! We are not your personal harem!"
  
  No, you are part of White males' personal harem. That's basically one of the points raised in the article by Ying Chu.
  
  Yet, you launch into a tangential diatribe against Asian guys, all the while hypocritically calling for a "cohesive voice against prejudice." Unbelievable.
  
  The fact that you gloss over this issue of White male power raised in the article and instead prefer to attack your Asian "brothers" is revealing as hell.
  
  And your defensive sarcasm about your relationship or the racial power dynamics in interracial relationships between Whites and Asians won't make those uncomfortable issues go away.
• cabean
  No, makt, I am sorry that my meaning was not clear, but I was not attacking ALL Asian guys. Just the few who seem to think that Asian women should reserve themselves for Asian guys alone (I've seen plenty of comments basically saying that on 8 Asians). I've run into plenty of them and I find them just as tiresome as white Asianphiles, because they try to control my sexuality, and the sexuality of all other Asian women.
  
  Since you are getting sick of my sarcasm (and I apologize for that... I know that sarcasm does not translate well on the Internet), I should be serious for a bit here and clarify myself. When I was single, I was often on the defensive because I assumed all non-Asian guys who were interested in me only liked me because they thought I was a submissive Asian woman. Once they found out that I wasn't submissive, of course they'd lose interest (good riddance!). But at the same time, I also ran into Asian guys who told me they'd only date Asian women because "they don't argue" (actual quote from one of those guys) -- and that they wouldn't date me because I was "too mouthy" (another actual quote).
  
  As you can imagine, I had a huge, huge, HUGE chip on my shoulder. It was only after that I started looking at men (of any race) based on their individual merits instead of summarily dismissing them that I was able to form a healthy, adult relationship. The guy I fell in love with happens to be white, but trust me, I would have married him if he were white, Asian, black, Latino... as a woman who's fielded my fair share of crappy relationship, I know how hard it is to find love. I feel eternally blessed that I found someone who is truly my best friend and I would have been foolhardy to give him up just because I was scared of being seen as "part of the White males' personal harem."
  
  I definitely agree that men who fetishize Asian women and see them as sex objects are disgusting in the worse way. But I don't think it's just an issue of white men abusing white privilege and white power. Like I wrote above, I've run into men of ALL races who assume Asian women are submissive. Clearly, it's a stereotype that crosses racial boundaries. If it were ONLY white men who stereotype Asian women -- well, then my dating life would have been happier.
  
  I know Ying Chu was trying to sound a rallying cry against the sexual objectification of Asian women and I do hear her pain, because at one point many of the same angry thoughts ran through my head. But I think she did a lousy job of it. In addition to degrading Asian women by projecting many of the same stereotypes that Asianphiles do on them, she also insulted Asian men. Do you remember the part in the article where she basically said most Asian dads are emotionally repressed? I think that is one of the worst stereotypes levied against Asian men- that they are emotionally inept. I totally, totally disagree with that AND I think it's unfair and cruel to single out Asian dads for being emotionally repressed when certain dads of ALL races and cultures have all problems relating to their kids.
  
  So once again, I'm sorry that my attempt to put some levity into this discussion came off as defensive. And I agree with you that these uncomfortable issues won't go away any time soon. I know because I deal with them in my day-to-day life. I am fiercely proud of my Asian American heritage and do my best to be an advocate for other Asian Americans. In fact, my line of work deals directly with that. But I feel that many people assume that I am "whitewashed" because of the race of the person I fell in love with. It hurts to hear my relationship, which brings me so much joy and strength, AND my allegiance to my heritage, which also gives me strength and pride, so summarily dismissed.
  
  So no, makt, I am not part of the white males' harem. I am NOT part of any one's harem. I am a human being and so is my husband, and we both deserve to be treated as such -- and so do you.
• cabean
  I wanted bring up makt's comment on the "racial power dynamics in interracial relationships" ... you can't really understand the power dynamics of any relationship unless you are in it (I am, of course, excluding relationships that are clearly abusive, coercive or based on some huge power differential, like Asian child prostitutes with their white "clients"... though anyone who considers the latter a relationship is pretty sick, IMO). After years of fending off Asianphiles while I was single, I am now pretty damn well equipped to take care of myself on that front.
  
  Assuming that I don't know that I am being subjugated (in the real sense of that term, not in the sarcastic way I used it before) by my husband just because I am an Asian woman and he is white seems pretty racist and sexist to me. After all, it builds on the tedious stereotype that Asian women are weak and can't stand up for themselves.
  
  And for anyone else who thinks that there is an inherent power differential in all interracial relationships- that's a huge oversimplification of a very complex issue. I know plenty of people in interracial relationships, of all combinations, and the ones that thrive are the ones where both partners are willing to discuss race and how it plays into their relationship frankly, even if it means going over things that are uncomfortable for both people to talk about.
• BigBrotherSpeaks
  Thank you for your well though out and articulate response. As an Asian male, I can easily empathize with makt's post but your clarification and compassionate reply is appreciated. Especially with such a touchy and sensitive subject where Asian males are all too often dismissed, blamed and denigrated by not only white males and females, but most unkindly bu Asian females. Thanks again for the dialogue.
• cabean
  Thanks for your response. I totally agree that Asian males are often blamed, dismissed and denigrated- just as Asian women are often dismissed and denigrated themselves as brainwashed sluts. The former hurts me just as much as the latter (which is why the Ying Chu statement about emotionally repressed Asian dads bothered me so much... why to go for flogging that particular stereotype to a predominantly white readership, Ying!). What I have a problem with, however, is blaming everyone in an interracial relationship for feeding into racism and sexism. It's off the mark- and in the end, it just distracts from the real causes of the problem. THAT'S what everyone needs to unit against.
• mdb54
  Asian executive males don't seem to have a problem, because they are smart, in charge, and old enough to have out grown any teenage or young adult insecurities.
• andrew09
  I am still stuck at the thought of your "white husband" "subjugating" you. And that white males usually pick the litter off the Asian women gene pool. :) So, go you, proud wifey of a whitey :)
• cabean
  LOL. But, just to clarify, since my sarcasm seems to have incited some anger and hurt feelings that I didn't intend, I am not proud because I married a white man. I am proud because I married a wonderful human being and we have a solid relationship. We challenge each other and we support each other- he is my best friend. I've been through my share of crappy relationships (and crappy is a HUGE understatement), so I know how hard it is to find what I have, and I feel lucky.
• bhoriuchi
  This is absolute horsesh*t! Anybody got a backbone to give to this writer??
• erika888
  I wonder if this means that Asian women can't be trophy wives at the same time :P
• DJKuulA
  This is all backwards. It's young Asian women who are seeking out older white trophy husbands!
• why god why
  yuck, thats pretty pathetic. as an asian guy i can say, thanks asian women for everything!
• tiennguyen
  I wish i could be an Asian trophy husband.
• Mark
  When are Asian men going to start acting like men and start stepping their game up?
• tang
  Uh, this is "news"? Asian women have been trophy wives in America for a good couple decades now!
• andand
  There are comments with the article, now. If you google Ying Chu, you'll find that her inane perspective is not limited to just Asians.
  
  http://www.feministing.com/archives/009456.html
  
  I've never heard of Ying Chu, although she seems to have held a variety of increasingly high profile positions in fashion / media. She sounds really uninformed, and Marie Claire obviously doesn't know the difference.
• andrew09
  Some mature Asian dude's comment off MarieClaire "I don't know if anybody else had the same feelings I had when those two Asian women came home from North Korea and ran into the arms of white men. It's the typical image of love in this country. It excludes Asian men."
  
  LOL I saw that too and was like whoa ;) I mean I knew about Euna but Laura's no. Granted, Lisa's hubby is an Asian (promiscuous so that doesn't count).
• john11111111
  Actually one of the guys was Latino.
• andrew09
  No, Michael is white.
• john123456677
  No he is not! He is Latino! Saldate is a Latino last name. I know some Asian guys would rather have their women date white guys instead of Latino guys, but the guy is Latino!
• urb4n
  Actually, Cabean, I believe you're the one that doesn't get it.
• cabean
  I think you need to look at my comment above, clarifying what I meant. What I meant to say was lost underneath a pile of sarcasm, and I do apologize for that.
  
  I said so above, but I want to reiterate here- it isn't just white Asianphiles who see Asian women as submissive or hypersexualized. There are men of all races who think like that. That's what I meant as a "cohesive voice against prejudice." You aren't going to fight the sexualization of Asian women if you attack just one front alone, or if you attack healthy interracial relationships. Trust me, after years of fending off Asianphiles while I was single, I'd be the first person to know if my husband started seeing me as a submissive lotus blossom. This Asian American woman can damn well take care of herself on that front.
• urb4n
  I'm not sure I understand.
  
  You want us to be a "cohesive voice against prejudice" indicates that "us" means Asian men and women, no?
  
  Let me be frank; I have no interest in fighting the sexualization of Asian women. My interest is that this article further and indirectly emasculates Asian men.
  
  When Asian women are finally ready to sit down, think about it, and acknowledge that one of the priorities of Asian America is to fight the emasculation of Asian men, then I'll give full and undivided attention to the problems of Asian women.
  
  Also, interracial couples, whether healthy or not, indirectly emasculates Asian men given how Western society currently has the chess board set up.
  
  This is why I dislike it when Asian women say that they can date white men and still support Asian men. It's impossible. Practice and preach are disjointed.
• cabean
  Both your comments are so disjointed and weird (you accuse Asian women of feeding into the emasculation of Asian men by dating white men, yet you say that Asian men need to "get off the reservation" by dating white women???) that I can't help but think that maybe you are Ying Chu in disguise. I believe that the stereotyping of Asian men has been overlooked, but it's an issue that deserves more analysis than is possible in a comments section and, frankly, more thoughtfulness than you've chosen to give it.
  
  "Practice and preach are disjointed." Speak for yourself.
• urb4n
  I'm not sure who "Ying Chu" is but since I'm very good at detecting passive aggressiveness, you're implying that I am a poster you've encountered in the past using a different handle to post. It's pretty sad that you'd think this particularly thorny issue is the sole brainchild of one person. However, if it helps you sleep at night, you can think that.
  
  Then again, I wouldn't be a socially responsible human being if I condone you burying your head in the sand.
  
  I'm not sure why you said my statements were "disjointed and weird." How can they be if you know how the social environment is set up in regards to Asian America?
  
  There is no doubt that North America is run by a ruthless patriarchal setup. Since the beginning of time, white men have treated white women as their sole property. In order to do this, they [white men] have warped the sexuality of non-Asian men by pushing social accepted stereotypes by way of stereotypes. Asian men are too feminine to be deemed worthy. Black men are animalistic. However, on the flip side, white men have desired to take women of other races as their own. (PS: The sexual emasculation was never really enforced until the mid-70s. This is around the same time when white women started seeing black men as suitable partners. So, white men had to make up for that lost masculinity by emasculating and dating Asian women).
  
  This is why when Asian women shack up with white men, they are proving and reinforcing their commonly held belief that white men are superior. This is also why when Asian men date/marry white women, it spits the stereotype in their faces and fights the social myth that was established by white men in the first place.
  
  Trust me, I've been talking rationally to many people about this issue for quite some time. One topic that really stood out in the back of my mind was when I was speaking to Meg, my g/f and all her non-Asian female friends; hell, even many white men who I am friends with. 100% were sympathetic and can understand *why* Asian men would be upset. I, for the life of men, couldn't understand why Asian women wouldn't understand. It's not like you're dumber than then any other women out there.
  
  Then it hit me. Asian women don't want to resolve the issue because, as my white buddy pointed out, "the reason why this pairing is so popular is because Asian women and white men have a fetish for each other."
  
  This is why I never fight the yellow fever fetish nor do I do anything to disprove it. You always enjoying playing the victim when it happens to you when you secretly do it to others.
• urb4n
  Sorry for the typos but typing on this new keyboard isn't fun.
  
  I wanted to add one more point. No matter how rational, reasonable, and cordial the Asian male panel might be, Asian women will never want to talk about this subject because evitably, Asian women will have to assume half of the blame and if there's something Asian women talking about this subject almost never do, it's assume responsbility for anything.
  
  What results from that are two things: The Asian men almost always cave -or- Asian men get angry and stop being rational, reasonable, and cordial.
  
  Stop trying to imply no one is willing to talk about this like adults.
• mdb54
  Some Asian women apparently do not have a problem and that makes you angry?
  
  You can be a positive model for Asian men by being successful. Look what Barrack Obama has done for the black community. Successful blacks every where have made a difference, but not everyone noticed. At least two of the companies I work for had Asian Presidents or CEOs. Asian men can run China and Japan, but fall short here? Only if you looking at your shoelaces when you should be watching were your going.
• mdb54
  "Ying Chu" is the author of the article at the start of the chain of comments.
  
  You are as prejudice about interracial marriages as they come (right there with the good old [white] boys). You can't survive in American if you need the media to sooth your emasculated sense of sexuality and sorry you're no Jet Lee. Americans of all races are in a state of social upheaval from a culture of white male domination and black slavery (not sure the Chinese work on the railroad were slaves, but they were treated about the same), to women's liberation and equality. We are still getting over the civil war in the south.
  
  One author wrote a book "The Nine Nations of North America" that breaks the North American continent down into cultural regions. So maybe you need to move to a region where people could care less that you're Asian. I would recommend you find your manhood and get over it. Get the chip off your shoulder and you might be able to find a suitable mate, Asian or not. Angry is only attractive to those looking for abusive relationships.
• mdb54
  Others may make remarks, but only you can emasculated yourself. Stop playing the victim and act like a man and you'll be treated like one. Shake it off if it doesn't apply to you.
  
  Your gene pool and mine (white guy) both eventually go back to Africa they say. If I find a women who I find beautiful, intelligent and I can get along with her culture, cuisine and behavior... I'm go to date her. If she obnoxious, controlling, has no taste, or superficial... we're not going to get along. If she's submissive, then I need to figure out whether it subduction or truly submissive. Helplessness grows tiring, how ever cute it is initially.
• Confuse_Us
  I don't think that Soon-Yi-Previn is much of a trophy. You could ski-jump off that forehead and she could stab you with that chin.
• blackcat1
  Wow this argument is still going on? I think we need to be frank with ourselves. Asian women in America will continue to hold greater social leverage than Asian men. It's just the way it is.
  Asian women are more desirable than Asian men, fitting the more stereotypical view of what a desirable woman should be. ( shy, demure, no calfankles, non-confrontational, submissive) and that Asian men represent the less masculine (US stereotypes)--short stature, passive, poor athleticism,
  gaunt) Why shouldn't Asian women gravitate towards powerful white men and join hands with them in conjugal bliss? If this relationship offers them more social power, more money, and better respect
  by the community at large...then it is to their benefit. Can you deny people from seeking out their best interests? My thinking however is that Asian-American women are short-sighted...leaving one's culture and identity behind and merging with the dominant is difficult and oftentimes
  the dominant is not fully accepting... ( you give up something in those relationships)and that internal struggle is hard to resolve if it is ever resolved which is why this issue keeps coming up again and again. I remember in college all the female heads of all the Asian-American groups either dating white guys or ended up marrying white guys. This crap about helping the Asian-American community was more about attention seeking and wanting uniqueness then actually helping the impoverished or others in need. If these women truly valued their heritage and their community and truly wanted to transmit that knowledge and background to their children then they would never have married outside their community. It sounds racist and it is.
  
  But I really can't blame Asian women for wanting to acculturate. I even suggested to one Asian woman I dated at an all woman's school in Boston that I could never provide her the social contacts
  or the resources that a white man similarly situated would be able to do. It was interesting because
  I was more assimilated than she was. I think I eventually drove her into marrying a white guy.
  
  I went abroad and lived abroad, and I think that opened up new horizons. I also lost my English speaking skills for awhile. I saw poverty and really didn't like it. I went from being a fairly passive listener to an aggressive, yet more compassionate person...well still a prick from the many women I've dated..but...life is a struggle and never ending. If you want to be seen as having value, you have to prove it. Either acquiring money, status, athleticism. You can't wait for it to just come to you.
  I'm hope I'm making sense..but again my English skills are in somewhat disrepair.
• urb4n
  That's one of the points I was making.
  
  Asian women are expected to become abusive due to their larger social leverage. I don't have a problem with that; people are overwhelmingly selfish. This is particularly rife with Asian Americans because I think they're still stuck on "survival mode" that is pressed upon them by their parents. However, I am sick and tired of Asian women claiming to be standing up for Asian men when *everything* they do is contradictory.
  
  On the flip side, Asian women want and expect Asian men to stand up for them when times get tough. In actuality, what Asian women really want is to have their cake and eat it too. They want Asian men to fight for their equality while messing around with white men.
  
  I believe Asian men have figured it out long ago but are too apprehensive to fight it. Here's the reason why: they feel that Asian women are the only potential mates so they'd rather not alienate them by calling them out on this issue. This reluctance to fight has a horrible side effect in that it will always grant social leverage to Asian women.
  
  This is why I am so successful at pushing Asian men off to non-Asian women. When Asian men finally realize that they have allies elsewhere, the social leverage that Asian women will diminish. Also, this is why Asian women have everything to lose if Asian men are seen as romantic equals in the eyes of non-Asian women. They have no social interest in seeing Asian men gain romantic leverage.
  
  Take a look at this social experiment put together by a professor at the University of California. It was actually proven that Asian women are actually one of the create and reinforce Asian male stereotypes (which no one at 8Asians.com was willing to talk about).
  
  http://www.allacademic.com/meta/p_mla_apa_resea...
  
  Asian women as champions for the dignity of Asian men? Don't hold your breath. They're actually liabilities.
• blackcat1
  I agree. However, life is not about acquiring women like trophies. But it is about developing experiences and developing wisdom. Of course if you open your bed to as many women from different cultural backgrounds, then it might open you up to new perspectives. Of course with STDS, running rampant you do play russian roulette.
  
  Power is shifting towards Asia. It is where the population is and where the economic growth is coming from. Asian women do have leverage in this country. But like all women once you hit north of 25 and get fat (American diet), the social leverage is gone. But this reverse shift in leverage becomes even more apparent as Asian countries take center stage.
  
  Why shout unfair about something which you yourself cannot change? Right now these
  so called " independent thinking, non-hating, interracial coupling Asian women"
  are in an arena where they can confidently express their views and find support.
  Try doing that in Shanghai or Beijing. I can hear the guffaws of laughter and annoyance
  at this Asian-American woman who brags about being subjugated by her white husband.
  No one in China really understands this concept.
• mdb54
  Indeed, you need to have something to offer an intelligent woman beside a warm body. It takes more than unzipping your trousers to provide for a family. So far I haven't met any Asian women that will date men of lower status. You got to be at least their equal.
• mdb54
  After one reading one of the papers on the subject it also sound like Asian men need to approach Asian women and be nice to them, care about them. I always ask "How are you?" or "Hello, good to see you" when greeting my Asian friends and I mean it.
  
  Traditional white males in the 1950s were very controlling and domineering too. Wanted the wife to stay home, cook, clean and take care of the family. No working out side the home for most wives. Many men are still that way. Being flexible enough to allow your wife to work if she wants to, treating her like you value her and not just a piece of property and don't feel threatened if she smarter or better educated (although that can be difficult). Finally don't ever hit a woman and try to keep the language more civil than harsh. You can be firm without raising you voice or beating.
  
  Confidence without arrogance is good too.
• gthro123
  Whoa, what an informative article. It is just shocking to see the racial injustice on both sides. Objectification of asian women, and Emasculation of asian men. It just sickens me when men, especially white men, make asian women their "trophies" and "toys". Some asian women are strong, and very voiced in their opinions. That's the type of asian woman I'd like to meet.
• DogDoo
  After all the discussions, theories, and accusations subside, the (proverbial) "movie" always has the same ending (Asian female / Western male ... Asian male / 0 (in some cases Asian female)) so ... when ARE Asian men going to start acting like men and start stepping their game up?
• blackcat1
  Some of these comments are super intelligent, and I've learned much from this discussion. It is obvious that many of you are college educated and beyond. I'm just a po' boy who works with his hands and
  had the good fortune of being able to run into many intelligent people in different circumstances.
  
  What I think is important is to sympathize and to put oneself into difficult situations and see how one would try to resolve it?
  A number of these Asian women say that they would love anyone of any race or any kind as long as they are emotionally supportive, caring etc etc. But the studies really show the opposite..that race of a man is a very, very important factor..more so then with men. Let me just say
  I don't see many Asian women advertising companionship for strictly
  African-Americans males.
  
  White men are in fact less discriminatory about the "love" choices they make then are women. You can't really blame white men, since so many
  Asian women seem to throw themselves at them and play the "geisha" stereotype up to the "hilt". You can't step onto an Ivy League campus nowadays without running into a Jewish male/Asian female.
  
  But are Asian men all that great either. If the tables were turned and Asian males were seen as killer lovers, super macho kung fu fighting machines..would Asian men stick with Asian women...well they don't in
  Peru or many South American countries. The Asian guys are notorious for
  outbreeding and the Asian women are conservative and are the holders of traditional values.
  
  How many of you have worked as a waiter lifting buckets of noodles, really back-breaking work in the kitchens? How much of these interracial marriages would survive a financial disaster?
  Some of these Asian women who marry the guilos aren't necessary all that good looking. Some are quite fat. Some moon faced. Some with distinguishable calfx vs. ankles. Some with broad noses. some with
  bowlegs. some overly dark features.
  some also have very serious personality defects..overly attention seeking overly argumentative or overly clinging.
• lipsnshooz
  OMG, what a thread! I got so tired of reading them half way through. I've dated both non-asian guys and asian guys. There are pros and cons to both I guess. I find that white guys appreciate women who have a mind of their own. Asian guys I know are just looking for a domesticated homemaker (which I'm the total opposite) and someone that would obey their supposed manliness (yawn!!). White guys just look more manly and 95% of the asian guys I've seen are very punny looking and some of them are just too feminine. I could never find an asian guy that would be able to defend me if something was to happen to me. It would usually be the other way around.
  
  I also find that Asian guys at work are not very assertive either and make them look so weak. For me I don't care what color they are, but they need to be strong, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Hey that's just the way it is. If there were more quality in Asian men, then I would go for them. Otherwise, I'm looking somewhere else!
  
  I do enjoy the asian cultures and some values. I don't typically like the traditional (yawn) type of Asian guys which is why I generally go for non-asians.
  
  So Asian men out there, you just need to start stepping up!!!!
• gthro123
  i actually think more asian men are startin to step up to the plate. It is happenin'
• gthro123
  and we all know "looks" are sooooo important, right? (sarcasm, just sarcasm)
• lipsnshooz
  Of Course (and totally NOT sarcasm, not at all!) Hey if it's important to Asian men (at least the ones I know), then it is just as important to Asian women! Never ever settle for double standards!!
  
  Again, Asian men don't know how to deal with confrontations when it comes to dealing with a different race. They lack confidence, and jsut don't know how to articulate. Book smart but that's pretty much it. It's just too damn bad!
• gthro123
  now you're just stereotyping people, and that's totally NOT good, not at all. and who says asian men don't know how to deal with conflict? you? maybe a few others? MAYBE the asian men in YOUR community aren't up to snuff, but don't drag down a whole demographic of people just because of a supposed few bad examples. I just think it's really damn bad that you had such a bad experience with asian guys. I'd probably think the same thing to, if I was in that position. We're not all like that.
  
  P.S. what double standard have i insinuated? i never said looks were important for only men or only women, i said it as a general statement for BOTH GENDERS(and sarcastically at that).
• moye
  Thanks for saying exactly what Urb4n is trying to prove about Asian women. Pat yourself on the back. Seriously.
• mdb54
  Love to have the domesticated homemaker and the mind. I am a white guy with an ex-wife also white. She had the homemakers skills and a MBA. As the eldest child, she was a bit of a control freak (but submissive in the kitchen and dining room) and I was laid back and I learned a few lessons to late that weren't in the marriage manual. Like if she stopped talking after a couple of hours and it is less than a hour before bedtime, don't expect her to remember the my part of the conversation.
  
  Women that have high power careers just seem to be less willing to have children right away.
  
  I ended up here in the thread because of a younger Korean female classmate trying to perk my interest which she had only in a platonic way before. Would she stay with me if I was unable to get that Engineering Degree, I ask myself, would the BFA (art/design) degree be enough. How much earning potential is enough. I already forgot her name over the summer and mispronounced it twice (bad regardless of race)... could it all be over because I don't remember names well, despite being a genius in other areas?
  
  At least with the ex, I knew she loved me for who I was and how I treated her. She may have urged me to get my bachelors, but I don't think she would have broken up without it.
  
  Seems the current generation of Asians and Asian American are interested more in the future than the past. Sound like maybe there will be comfort foods, but men don't expect to be followed by 3 paces unless you get a country bride direct from Asia (with no college education).
  
  It is interesting to watch both the Asian professors and students.
• gthro123
  the real problem is that people are trying to fight stereotyping with stereotyping. I find that if i put too much precedence with what other people do, i end up stressing too much. People will do whatever the f*&k they want to, whether or not I'm there to tell them it's wrong or right. It's really up to the individuals who have problems with this imbalance to stand up. "Be the difference you want to see in the world". Be the one who shows the world something different, something outside the supposed "norm".